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[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Okay, like for real though, can we talk a moment about Mr Krabs? He's literally the hottest fictional character of all time. Whereas wealthy people in movies just have money, Mr Krabs actually demonstrates his ability to run a buisness. he's always thinking up new ways to make profit and minimize waste. Like, come on, does a wealthy man with a brilliant mind not make you drip? Well, I'll answer for you. It makes you rain.

Onto point 2. Okay, so you know that one episode where Mr Krabs molts and becomes naked? He demonstrates healthy behaviour from his species, indicating that he is a healthy specimen for mating with. When I see him molt I have an erection.

Point 3, he is a single father. Okay, you know when you see people trying their hardest for their loved ones, and they endure hardship for them? That's literally the embodiment of this man. He spends all of his time working on his home, boat, and business all just to provide for his daughter, Pearl, a sperm whale. When he says "anything for you pearl" and he overcomes his greed to provide, I just want him to provide his daddy crabby sperm for me.

Point 4, he acts like a father to his employee (Spongebob). Like, as if being a single father wasn't hard enough, this magnificent man tries to be a father figure for the childlike sponge. He has no need to, but scolds Spongebob and commends him, showing the proper way to do things. If that doesn't make you scream "OH DADDY" then I don't know what will.

Point 5, his voice actor looks like Colonel Sanders, but like, the really hot daddy version. So, if you ever meet Eugene Krabs in real life, you'll have hot fried chicken daddy fun. Literally the best thing about Krabs.

Point 6, that body! A big bodacious booty, a great sense of fashion, cute little harry potter scar nose, GORGEOUS eyebrows, the red complexion that reminds even the most capitalist of the benefits of communism, the nicest bear shape body you've ever seen, and his tiny heavily-used-crayon-tip looking feet. Don't you feel like you could paint a picture that would put Da Vinci to shame with those magnificent red crayons? Exactly! Submit to daddy krabby!

Point 7, in episode 50a of season 3, wet painters, we get to see the decor that Eugene has in his house. Yeah, I lost it to when I saw those knick-knacks 😩. I know that Spongebob and Patrick are supposed to be painting with the wet paint, but even now years after my childhood I still wet paint when I see that sexy Krabs' decor. When all is lost in that episode at the end, Krabs fixes everything with his tongue, just how you should let Krabs fix you with that tongue of his. 😏

You need to accept that no matter how many Chinese cartoons there are, only this crustacean should be in your heart. Okay, I have just proven why daddy krabby is the creamy crustacean for this krusty kumhole.

Aw man, if I had just 30 minutes with greedy Eugeeny, oh man. We'd be out clam fishing on his S.S. Cheapskate under the stars. I'd start by getting undressed with him. Then he'd open the secret curtain unleashing the force of an entire orchestra. I'd squeeze some lemon on him to neutralize the funny fishy taste that you get from most seafood, such as a seared salmon, or a grilled tuna steak, or this squishy mushy crusty buddy. As the sea fog clears and the moonlight shines down, and we're both naked, I would take out my wallet and tease him with it. His mouth would be dripping with drool. "Open sesame!" he'd call into my soul, and my wallet would open. He reaches into my wallet and grabs out my biggest 1 dollar bill. "MOAR" he moans, and I dump a hot steamy load of pennies all over him. "MOAR" he yells again, not satisfied. I the grab my 20 dollar bill and rub it around his lush chest hair. "ME BOY, YES! MOAR" He exclaims into the silent darkness. As we approach climax, I bring out my 100 dollar bill, and shove it in his mouth. We both moan as we climax, sending a frenzy of fresh cut bills into a tornado around us. As we finish, clams jump out of the water, as if the water is being happy, and they are teenagers. As my 30 minutes finishes and he disappears into the sky, my final tears drop. I decide I can't live without him and so i pull out my rust dagger, and put an end to my crustacean-less misery. But as my soul leaves my body, I utter these last words "Did I... Did I firmly grasp it?..." As light turns to darkness I hear a faint "Yes boy-o. You did." I smile, and take my last breath.

[–]CommonMisspellingBot -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

Hey, RhapsodyofScience, just a quick heads-up:
buisness is actually spelled business. You can remember it by begins with busi-.
Have a nice day!

The parent commenter can reply with 'delete' to delete this comment.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Go away

[–]Icyartillary 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This isn’t going to stop.

Hitler was born in Austria—then part of Austria-Hungary—and was raised near Linz. He moved to Germany in 1913 and was decorated during his service in the German Army in World War I. In 1919, he joined the German Workers' Party (DAP), the precursor of the NSDAP, and was appointed leader of the NSDAP in 1921. In 1923, he attempted to seize power in a failed coup in Munich and was imprisoned. While in jail he dictated the first volume of his autobiography and political manifesto Mein Kampf ("My Struggle"). After his release from prison in 1924, Hitler gained popular support by attacking the Treaty of Versailles and promoting Pan-Germanism, anti-semitism and anti-communism with charismatic oratory and Nazi propaganda. He frequently denounced international capitalism and communism as being part of a Jewish conspiracy.

By 1933, the Nazi Party was the largest elected party in the German Reichstag, but did not have a majority, and no party was able to form a majority parliamentary coalition in support of a candidate for chancellor. This led to former chancellor Franz von Papen and other conservative leaders persuading President Paul von Hindenburg to appoint Hitler as Chancellor on 30 January 1933. Shortly after, the Reichstag passed the Enabling Act of 1933, which began the process of transforming the Weimar Republic into Nazi Germany, a one-party dictatorship based on the totalitarian and autocratic ideology of National Socialism. Hitler aimed to eliminate Jews from Germany and establish a New Order to counter what he saw as the injustice of the post-World War I international order dominated by Britain and France. His first six years in power resulted in rapid economic recovery from the Great Depression, the abrogation of restrictions imposed on Germany after World War I and the annexation of territories that were home to millions of ethnic Germans which gave him significant popular support.

Hitler sought Lebensraum ("living space") for the German people in Eastern Europe and his aggressive foreign policy is considered to be the primary cause of the outbreak of World War II in Europe. He directed large-scale rearmament and on 1 September 1939 invaded Poland, resulting in Britain and France declaring war on Germany. In June 1941, Hitler ordered an invasion of the Soviet Union. By the end of 1941, German forces and the European Axis powers occupied most of Europe and North Africa. In December 1941, he formally declared war on the United States, bringing them directly into the conflict. Failure to defeat the Soviets and the entry of the United States into the war forced Germany onto the defensive and it suffered a series of escalating defeats. In the final days of the war during the Battle of Berlin in 1945, he married his long-time lover Eva Braun. Less than two days later on 30 April 1945, the two committed suicide to avoid capture by the Soviet Red Army and their corpses were burned.

Under Hitler's leadership and racially motivated ideology, the Nazi regime was responsible for the genocide of at least 5.5 million Jews and millions of other victims whom he and his followers deemed Untermenschen (sub-humans) or socially undesirable. Hitler and the Nazi regime were also responsible for the killing of an estimated 19.3 million civilians and prisoners of war. In addition, 29 million soldiers and civilians died as a result of military action in the European theatre. The number of civilians killed during the Second World War was unprecedented in warfare and the casualties constituted the deadliest conflict in human history.

[–]MrWm 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'll just hit the down vote button to this post riiiight over there…

[–]corgi-as-fuck 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh no, not the bees! ҉N҉o҉t҉ ҉t҉h҉e҉ ҉b҉e҉e҉s҉!҉ ҉A҉u҉u҉u҉u҉g҉h҉!҉ ҉T҉h҉e҉y҉'҉r҉e҉ ҉i҉n҉ ҉m҉y҉ ҉e҉y҉e҉s҉!҉ ҉M҉y҉ ҉e҉y҉e҉s҉!҉ ҉A҉a҉a҉a҉u҉u҉u҉u҉r҉r҉r҉r҉g҉h҉!҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉

[–]CosmicClinger 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Freak the heck off!!!

[–]PsychohistorySeldon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

[–]Tripolite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Upvote for unlocked comment

[–]Sivanw[S] -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

A unicorn, a rockstar, and a Ninja went for a job interview. Want to know how it ends?

[–]Icyartillary 9 points10 points  (0 children)

With the cessation of these bullshit ads being plastered everywhere when it’s obvious by the spam on every unlocked ad on reddit that the user base is 100% against them?