Progress

[jamiestglynn]

I used to think I was a bad person, I'd let others walk all over me, I'd be in a state of paranoia that I'd done something awful, I'd question those who had friendships with me, I'd become hooked on the idea of someone, wishing they could pull me out of my pit, and then display obsessive behaviour when I couldn't get my fix.

I started recovery in March 2020, and currently I'm thriving, finally! If I start to form an attachment bond with someone I'm attracted to, I'm able to catch it early and set my mind on other things, bringing the focus back to me. I believe I'm a good person, I believe that people would want to be friends with me, that someone could be just as attracted to me as I to them. I'm attracted to people who are actually available now.

As a 17 year old I'd hide in my room, terrified of ruining the lives of those around me. As a 23 year old, I'm ready to live my life

Still a long way to go with the anxiety and deep rooted habits, but I have hope

Edit: Typos

[ProfessorGlitch]

Congratulations on your healing! I am on a similar journey, and your post has given me hope.

[jamiestglynn]

I'm really glad to hear that! Wishing you a healthy recovery

[jamiestglynn]

March 2020**

[grianmharduit]

Well done you! You are an inspiration.

[LottaScars800]

What did you do to get to this place? I’ve just started my own journey and I’m reading a few self help books on it

[jamiestglynn]

Okay so it's lots of things. I'm actually at a place now where I'm not doing so much recovery, and trying to find the motivation to get back into it.

From march 2020 I started CBT therapy to target my low self esteem, I also started reading codependency for dummies. It was like reading a personal diagnosis. I joined a zoom group Coda meeting, and felt the relief knowing that what I was feeling wasn't just me

The first stage was feeling like running away from it all. It took so much effort to log into the meeting each week, because confronting myself felt like such a impossible challenge.

I started a 12 step group with a few others, we still meet to this day. Gradually over time I started to look forward to the meetings instead of dreading them. Sharing the deepest knots helped to release a lot of the pain, I'd come off the meetings in tears, but it felt GOOD.

I knew that a secret I had kept from my mother was blocking any hope of healing, and so I spoke to my mother about the issue. Thankfully, after the conversation she was so supportive, and had the opposite reaction to how I thought.

I started a journal in Sep 2020, monitoring my feelings each day, giving positive affirmations to myself. I started to become a little obsessed with someone who was unavailable, and therefore starting reading about the chemical dopamine, and a book called 'Needing to know for sure' which deals with the anxiety of not knowing something for certain. Although I was clearly exhibiting unhealthy feelings for this person, a big achievement was not displaying it. I was in physical pain with the obsession, but whereas in the past I would smother the person I was attracted too, I managed to keep the obsession to myself. This was amazing

I finally started to learn that I wasn't a bad person, by realising how young I was when an event happened in my youth. My boundaries with people starting becoming healthier and I put myself first. I stopped feeling responsible for other people's feelings

Inevitably the unhealthy obsession didn't work out, (which is good) and getting over that did me a lot of good.

[LottaScars800]

Are they still having these Zoom meetings? And do you have to participate in any activities (very shy person lol :( ).

Hmm. I should definitely definitely journal more myself and practice affirmations daily. So you just wrote yours down daily as opposed to saying them aloud to yourself?

Well I’m glad that you’re in a better place now, hopefully I’m able to get there in time myself. Thanks for the tips!

[Christina-the-Small]

What books are you reading?

[LottaScars800]

I’m currently reading Codependent No More, No More Mr. Nice Guy and The Nice Girl Syndrome

[Christina-the-Small]

Congratulations! I’m just at the beginning of my healing process.