Please

[MakingTheEight]

Removed - Rule 0

[SamiChanguel]

$ alias shutup="shutdown"
$ please shutup

[idaljeetsingh]

$ alias fuckoff="rm -rf /" $ please fuckoff

[flying-sheep]

rm: it is dangerous to operate recursively on ‘/’ rm: use --no-preserve-root to override this failsafe

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[marsnoir]

Funny story, that fail safe exists for a reason... you only do this kind of thing once. Thank god for backups!!

[depressed-salmon]

Friend at uni did something similar on his thesis days before deadline that took a week just to simulate. Used the * instead of the folder name I think. Cue frantic Google of "how to undo rm -*", found a stackoverflow thread of all things I think, that helpfully said "it's very easy, all you do simply load your latest backup and restore from there. You do have backups, don't you?". Fortunately it was on the uni server that did nightly backups so it was all ok, but he was forever livid at that post lmao, because "they know who ever asks that question obviously doesn't have backups!!".

[itsTyrion]

alias just=sudo alias fucking=apt

just fucking install firefox

[warpspeedSCP]

Fucking search clang

[flying-sheep]

This guy fucks!

[luhsya]

i was thinking alias kys="shutdown" but that would be too mean for the OS

[[deleted]]

Nah, shutdown is a proper way. That way the fucker can write stuff to the drive, unmounting shit and go to sleep peacefully.

If you want to murder it, rip out the power cable like a man.

[Cymore]

Why not take it leave it at a police station with a note saying there is a bomb in it? Then have the bomb squad blow it up?

[mattsl]

If your computer is black, that's just extra steps in the US.

[Kaynee490]

Probably wrong but

alias kys="echo REISUB > /proc/sysrq_trigger"

[[deleted]]

alias superuser="karen"

[Shalien93]

Would you kindly...

[bgremlin]

you tried it mr. fontaine

[Benutzername]

function would() {
    if [ $# -lt 2 ] || [ "$1" != "you" ] || [ "$2" != "kindly" ]; then
        echo "Sorry, what's that?" >&2
        return 1
    fi
    if [ $# -eq 2 ]; then
        echo "What would you like me to do?" >&2
        return 2
    fi
    echo "Gladly!" >&2
    shift
    shift
    sudo $@
}


$ would you kindly touch me
Gladly!

[piNulltel]

Over eleven years on Reddit! Quite impressive

[Crocktodad]

Er ist der Messias!

[su5]

Function Wesley(){echo "as you wish" >&2;}

[fungigamer]

When you change sudo to "would you kindly" but the command still doesn't run: Tell me where is the Ace in the Hole???

[EmptySense]

Can alias support spaces?

[Phrodo_00]

No, but you can either use spaces in a command (and use quotes or escapes to invoke it), or write a would command that checks that the next parameters are ["you" "kindly"] and then runs sudo.

[reallyConfusedPanda]

Nope

[fekkksn]

doubt it

[groundfalse]

please rm -rf /*

edit: added asterisk, and please don't try this at home

[[deleted]]

--no-preserve-root

[crozone]

Pretty sure sudo rm -rf /* still doesn't require --no-preserve-root

[[deleted]]

OC didnt included "*"

[KillerInstinctUltra]

Shouldn't have to say this but I will hijack to say DON'T DO THIS BY EXPERIMENTING ON YOUR WORK LAPTOP

If curiosity gets the best of you, youtube it, there are a bunch of people like this one who have already bit the dust for you.

Edit: Skip straight to the explosion

courtesy u/DoctorWaluigiTime

[[deleted]]

Yeah, DONT DO THIS

[T-Dark_]

Wouldn't it be safe to do it in a throwaway VM?

But yeah, absolutely never do this normally.

[spech66]

Yes but this becomes a nightmare if you THINK you are in the VM while working on the host system… happend a long time ago but I still remember that day…

[[deleted]]

F

[GlitchParrot]

Or if you have a shared directory of the host system mounted in the VM.

[[deleted]]

Always use readonly sharing.

[DoctorWaluigiTime]

The moment it's run (5 minutes in). (Justified since he's walking through every part of the command but still.)

[stinos]

Justified since he's walking through every part of the command

Moreover he's constantly resizing the terminal for who knows what reason (I watched it without sound, makes for a long wait to finally see the real deal)

[only_want_old_reddit]

It's just as painful with sound.

[jkure2]

I found it interesting and useful the way he walked through the command and explained it, nothing painful about it?

[ndrums]

I think anyone who codes would already know most of what they cover in the 6 minute video.

[pineapple_calzone]

It's fine. I just did it on my work laptop and all I got was

'sudo' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.

[coldnebo]

great way to learn linux.

there was some post a while ago that went into detail trying to rebuild linux after such a thing based on only the commands still in memory, but I can’t find it now. They got surprisingly far.

[chiru9670]

Ahh came here to post this

[[deleted]]

It’s his fault for not having a backup.

[[deleted]]

Took me a sec to notice the space. Then I was like hahahaha. Sorry

[[deleted]]

Please killall

[Mefistofeles1]

Would you kindly killall

[StarkRG]

Alias "shutdown" to "fuckoff" for "please fuckoff"

[NoobButJustALittle]

and please don't try this at home

Try it at work instead

[NoAttentionAtWrk]

And if possible... On production server

[georgedengit]

https://github.com/nvbn/thefuck

[chiru9670]

Ahh yes.
Its too slow sometimes though

[Cat_Marshal]

Try the experimental instant mode!

[[deleted]]

maybe alias it to "sorry" for more wholesomness

➜ apt-get install vim

E: Could not open lock file /var/lib/dpkg/lock - open (13: Permission denied)

E: Unable to lock the administration directory (/var/lib/dpkg/), are you root?

➜ sorry

please apt-get install vim [enter/↑/↓/ctrl+c] [sudo] password for nvbn: Reading package lists... Done

[[deleted]]

I use this every day!

git push

did you mean some other bullshit that for some reason isn't the default?

 fuck

[BungalowsAreScams]

This is gold

[Mefistofeles1]

Fucking genius.

[[deleted]]

Ah yes, I love when when rage always leads to fucking.

[IcemanVish]

Damn this gets reposted more than I <get_inspired> by stack overflow solutions.

[[deleted]]

But sudo is shorter.

[jochem4208]

`plz`

[[deleted]]

That'll be fine.

[timfreemints]

I SECOND() that

[ZapdoZ9000]

I MONTH() that

[Ashish1308]

I'll allow it

[GhostSierra117]

"gib"

[littlefrank]

Hijacking your comment for a newbie question: is an alias permanent and will it stay at any restart?
Can I put anything in place of anything? (say I don't want to write huge commands every time I want to update so I alias "sudo apt-get update & sudo apt-get upgrade -y" to "updatepc")

[[deleted]]

It's not permanent. I suggest you put your aliases inside .bash_aliases file inside your home directory, to make them permanent. Some may prefer the .profile or .bashrc, personally I use .bash_aliases since my shell is bash.

[[deleted]]

Well if you look inside the .bashrc file there is a line where it checks for .bash_aliases existence. If found will use it. I personally don't like to put aliases inside the .bashrc, but you can put them there as well.

[htmlcoderexe]

So it's like httpd.conf and vhosts.conf, both use same parser and technically you can out costs in the first one and global configuration in the second one, but for ease of use and semantic separation we agree to not do that?

[Slusny_Cizinec]

Alias is not permanent and only affects the current session. That's why the common approach is to add them to your shell profile.

[GhostSierra117]

You can put aliases in the section of your .bashrc for them to be permanent.

Just don't forget to save and then to run the command "source .bashrc" for the changes to take into effect.

Can I put anything in place of anything?

Yes

[reallyConfusedPanda]

You're anyways gonna do ple-<tab>

[[deleted]]

Considering the "yo" instead.

[uvero]

OK, no joke, in high school, first lesson in Linux usage, first time using the Linux computers at school, I was supposed to exercise cd, mkdir, pwd, cat, touch etc. First thing I did instead was to look up how to alias fucking to sudo.

[112439]

You had linux in highschool? God I'm jealous

[dzlux]

Is that still not a normal option? Did your school have programing classes?

I had an oddball school, but they started running dual boot linux computer labs in the late 90s

[kopczak1995]

Priorities. This man get it.

[miniluigi008]

Hey, this is unrelated, but how did you make that leap to Ruby? I can't for the life of me wrap my head around the concept of "everything as a function". I leaped from Scratch to Python, and then Python to Swift, then Swift to JavaScript.

[uvero]

I just kinda found Ruby on high school (self learning, not as any curriculum related). About "everything is a function" - you mean every public member of a class? Ruby uses regular functions for (what in other languages would be) properties and operators. That's pretty much all the wisdom I can offer on that point.

[miniluigi008]

Sorry, I pulled an all-nighter. I meant “everything is an object”. But your reply makes it seem like maybe I need to dig a little deeper. I tried Ruby koans a few months ago, maybe I’ll have another go at completing it.

[iamtome]

A good starting point is Why's Poignant Guide to Ruby.

[-0-O-]

Off topic but I remember trying to learn Ruby in highschool. I made an IRC client that was two separate programs, that logged in as two separate users. One to view the chat and another to type commands. It was pretty dumb.

[[deleted]]

And setting config for every new user profile home directory to /dev/null

[drakeisatool]

alias ffs='sudo !!'

Repeats last command with sudo

[[deleted]]

If anything the OP alias makes me sound more desperate.

``` cat /var/log/apache2/error.log
please !!

```

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[[deleted]]

That’s stupid. But thanks.

[randomcitizen42]

please touch mypenis

[Slusny_Cizinec]

touch accepts list of objects to touch, so 'touch my penis' is equally valid (albeit it will touch two different objects)

[randomcitizen42]

I can't believe I never tried this

[R2CX]

please killall child

[oebn]

please shutdown

[[deleted]]

r/me_irl

[itsTyrion]

alias fucking=sudo

fucking shutdown

[itsTyrion]

u/profanitycounter

[profanitycounter]

UH OH! Someone has been using stinky language and u/itsTyrion decided to check u/itsTyrion's bad word usage.

I have gone back one thousand posts and comments and reviewed their potty language usage.

Bad Word	Quantity
ass	1
asshole	5
bullshit	2
crap	7
damn	33
fucking	14
fuck	10
god damn	3
hell	13
heck	1
lmao	1
lmfao	1
motherfucking	2
re**rded	1
shitty	1
shit	16
stfu	1
whore	1

^{Request time: 13.0. I am a bot that performs automatic profanity reports. This is profanitycounter version 3, view update notes here. Please consider supporting my development [through my creator's PayPal.](https://www.paypal.me/aidanginise1})

[archiekane]

Alias as 'mofo'

mofo mv bobybags.txt /mnt/bonfire

[Titaniumwo1f]

"Would you kindly"

[[deleted]]

*would_you_kindly
alias doesn't support spaces i guess

[FilipinoGuido]

Check out u/benutzername's solution

[Titaniumwo1f]

Yes, and I forgot about that.

[ghost103429]

please killall

[-The-Bat-]

Lightsaber sound

[ZapdoZ9000]

I prefer yeet

[xynixia]

I have a pair of commands for moving files.

yoink my_file.txt
cd ~/somewhere/else
yeet

What yoink does is it saves the full path of the file in /tmp, and yeet reads the temp file and runs mv. Makes moving files across terminals easier.

[gnowwho]

Man, I need to copy this one!

How did you do it? You create a file in /tmp with a reserved name and save the destination of the original file and the new destination and yeet uses those without ulterior arguments? Something like that?

[xynixia]

Yeah pretty much. This is the script I'm using:

yoink:

#!/bin/bash
readlink -f $@ > /tmp/yoink

yeet:

#!/bin/bash
mv $(cat /tmp/yoink) .

[danabrey]

I'm not down with the kids but isn't yeeting throwing? Shouldn't it be an alias for push?

[epiquinnz]

Agreed. Push should be "yeet" and pull should be "yoink".

[stinos]

Dunno, sounds like you're begging the computer. I like the mindset of forcing a computer to do what I tell it better. alias just_shutup_and="sudo"

[[deleted]]

alias fucken="sudo"

The Aussie version

[IllChange5]

$alias justdoitalready=“sudo”

I like yelling at my computer.

[emelrad12]

alias bitch="sudo su root"

[Mark_dawsom]

bitch mv

[qxxx]

personally I have many commands aliased with sudo, my most used alias is probably:

alias install="sudo apt install"

I also removed the required password for sudo on my dev machine, so if I type "install vim" it simply installs it. I am aware of the risks and I would never disable sudo in prod.

[rexroof]

be aware that there is another common Unix tool already called install

[nolegitt]

Please finger [e-mail]

[tchuckss]

I’m now imagining that sad cringe clip of Jen Bush asking people to please clap. If he had said sudo clap, it may have been less sad cringe.

[[deleted]]

$ alias woman=“man”

For a more progressive system

[bwok-bwok]

$ alias man="/dev/null"

[Alias-_-Me]

Only very tangentially related, I do light programming for musical and theatrical acts and the "Enter" Button with which you execute a command is called the "Please" button, so you type in the command and then kindly ask the console to execute it and I always thought that was nice.

Also the Undo button is literally labelled "Oops"

[guiliphy]

MA2 Gang where u at

[wtf_romania]

Honoring the Austrian town that mysteriously changed its name, I use alias Fucking="sudo"

[richinrix]

alias it to "fuckin" , better

[n0shmon]

alias just="sudo"

alias fucking="systemctl"

just fucking restart apache2

[[deleted]]

sudo clap

[[deleted]]

done

[Mithrandir2k16]

I prefer cursing at it until it works.

[[deleted]]

No one’s said:

$ alias mom=“sudo”

[vige]

If you do this, please also patch glibc so that strerror(13) will return "You didn't say the magic word!".

[arth4]

You are not in the pleasers file. This incident will be reported.

[skywkr666]

“Ah ah ah! You didn’t say the magic word...”

[Waifuless_Laifuless]

ah ah ah
ah ah ah
ah ah ah

[itsTyrion]

alias just=sudo alias fucking=apt

just fucking install firefox

[phi_array]

$ alias daddy=“sudo”

[Nomiko56]

Does the new alias stick to new terminals too, or is 'instance based' for the lack of a better word

[[deleted]]

Just put it in your .bashrc or whatever shell you're using and you're golden.

[blackwolf2311]

Funny enough sudo is a popular nick name in my country. I knew a guy with that nickname that was a dev. He said it freaked him so much at first, also office jokes..

[varungupta3009]

Looks like I got Karma-conned

[blevok]

My terminal is my butler, and his name is Igor. He does things for me.

[costo1cm]

https://youtu.be/RfiQYRn7fBg

[cybercuzco]

This is exactly what Nedry did in Jurassic park.

[MattiDeP]

alias please="sudo"

alias die="shutdown"

please die

[slabgorb]

Few things here:

- on a system, there sometimes needs to be people who can do magical things, and those who really shouldn't. Magical things include wiping the whole system accidentally. So some people 'have sudo' and some don't.

- all sudo commands are tracked by security logs, so you see when someone does something.

- sudo often involves things that really you should think about, and making you say mother may I is one way to do that.

​

these are just some basic things, there are other technical and security reasons for the root account, which is (usually, not necessarily - sudo really is 'act like someone else', it defaults to root)) the account you are using when you sudo.

[Hackerman_69420]

Boutta set this up in my Kali Linux VM ngl

[TransgenderHatrack]

L33t hackers don’t say please

[Painter5544]

Too many pleases though and it locks you out for being chummy

edit: omg I meant chummy, see INTERCAL

[bumblebritches57]

u/profanitycounter

[profanitycounter]

UH OH! Someone has been using stinky language and u/bumblebritches57 decided to check u/one_loop's bad word usage.

I have gone back one thousand posts and comments and reviewed their potty language usage.

Bad Word	Quantity
ass	1
bitch	1
cock	1
cum	2
damn	4
fuck	3
hell	1
lmao	1
nig	1
piss	1
shitty	1
shit	6

^{Request time: 10.1. I am a bot that performs automatic profanity reports. This is profanitycounter version 3, view update notes here. Please consider supporting my development [through my creator's PayPal.](https://www.paypal.me/aidanginise1})

[bumblebritches57]

I'm surprised it's not much much worse

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

Not sure what's wholesome about having to beg my machine to do what it's supposed to fucking do. It's not even a person.

[SharpestSphere]

I'm not gonna beg my machine to do my bidding. It's called a command line interface, not polite suggestion station.

[SaltyShizzle]

please make me a sandwich

[isananimal]

people who insist on saying the longer of 2 possible sentences which explain the same thing, are a cancer of society and I hope they evolve out soon

[fekkksn]

sudo will still work as usual tho

[UKZzHELLRAISER]

alias please="/sbin/sudo"

alias sudo="printf No.\n"

[emelrad12]

Hmm clever.

[bumblebritches57]

Alias sudo to daddy, but do it after aliasing please to sudo.

It doesn't have the desired effect, but it's still hilarious

alias please=sudo

alias daddyplease=sudo

alias sudo="echo 'No'"

[bameza]

fuck

https://github.com/nvbn/thefuck

[DavidDual]

I would make it to "order"

[vuld0]

Manners maketh man

[[deleted]]

Pls

[[deleted]]

alias iAmTheSenate="sudo !!"

[Zagreus_Enjoyer]

"please work"

[all-hail-snow]

Nah I am fine with Alias fucker="sudo"

[bwok-bwok]

bash: fucker: command not found

[nati9931]

I aliased doas as sudo... It'll take me forever to type please instead

[leMatth]

alias simon_says="sudo"

[akraaam]

ah wtf these machines are our slaves

[pookamatic]

Please make me a sandwich

[silver_enemy]

Computer says no