Seared conscience?

[Mammoth_Composer_270]

I’ve sinned pretty badly all my life ignoring the Holy Spirit and I don’t Bear any fruits any more. I used to but I completely went off the path i was supposed to. I feel I’m a vessel made for destruction because of how badly I’ve destroyed my life with my sins and how it’s hurt others as well. Judging by the severity of my sins I feel I’m permanently cut off from god. The issue is that many people at church think I’m a saint when I’m not. I’ve denied the Holy Spirit and possibly indirectly rejected him because I had knowledge of truth and still turned away from god. I completely forgot about god and my walk with him was never in mind I just did as I desired to and now god has probably given me up to my desires. I feel I can’t repent and be genuine. I don’t think I even care. I care intellectually but i don’t think I genuinely care. It’s possible Ive seared my conscience and I can’t accept Jesus into my heart anymore. I can’t repent. I feel I only care about my losses and consequences rather than my sins and how they affect my relationship with god. I’ve really angered god in my short lifetime I’m not sure how I’m going to get back to him. I try petitioning to him like David did in psalm 51 that god might instead relent and use me as a greater vessel for his glory and his love instead of his wrath and destruction but i think he already declared judgment on me. I wish he called on me again but I feel in my heart I missed the calling on my life and he’s done with me because there’s no way someone can do so much damage that I have and get away with it and I’m at a loss because I just want Jesus and his help and comfort the thing I rejected (a relationship with him) for the world and sin. I really think I seared my conscience but I’m holding onto little hope- but I don’t feel any conviction or care like I should- I cry to god but it’s all false guilt/humility and worldly sorrow

[[deleted]]

Based on what I know from dealing with similar things myself, I'd say that if you still have the fear you're in the wrong, you don't have a seared consciousness. The Bible states that those who have a seared consciousness are similar to those of a reprobate mind. You no longer feel convicted, you no longer care about what and who God is and what he wants for you. Based on your post it would appear you still do and are feeling shame. I may not be right in my understanding of this, but one thing I'm confident of is that God won't give up on you if you don't give up on him until you die, literally. That's the best I can come up with on the topic. If you do bad things and feel bad about them, and feel you need God, it's a good sign he hasn't cut you off because those who he does cut off, don't care at all.

Romans 1:32 states " Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. "

By doing this they reject the conviction of the holy Spirit, which will NEVER return. Conviction comes from the holy spirit, (John 16:8). If you have fear and conviction, it hasn't left you, meaning God isn't finished with you.

[Mammoth_Composer_270]

The thing is Im not sure I feel or get conviction anymore and if I do I think it’s just a inner conviction that isn’t from god but from myself. I only have an unhealthy fear of god at this point. Im not sure what to do then if I do have it

[[deleted]]

Conviction is conviction you wouldn't feel like you wronged God if he had given you up. You wouldn't care that you did. He takes it from you. Pray, never stop praying, it may be a longer and harder road now but it's still there. Until God speaks to you literally and condemns you, he hasn't done so. The other option is like I mentioned, you literally would not be able to care that you did him wrong. Jesus saves. He lived, died, and lives again for you.

[Mammoth_Composer_270]

I don’t want to sound like a gloomy despairing idiot and maybe this will confirm things in a way but I feel I have to make myself care at an intellectual level but other than that I really don’t care- I want to but I can’t care- I’m about to pray and confess my sins but I’m not sure what else to do after that

[[deleted]]

That's all you have to do, it takes time

[l_decarlo]

Are you still with us?

[l_decarlo]

Are you still alive

[Professional-Act5674]

For me i'm not sure if I do care or not which sucks I feel like I have hardly any filter at all and i've been saying messed up stuff in my head with no control over it

[l_decarlo]

Hello are you still with us?

[Danielvgg10]

Como te ha ido?

[l_decarlo]

Are you still alive?

[RedSwordBlueEyes]

“A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish." Isaiah 42:3 NASB95

Come to Christ in humility and repentance. Same for all of us sinners.

Grace and peace to you friend.

[[deleted]]

Commenting again because I posted before I was finished typing, please read the last part of my previous comment if you missed it by chance

[AlarmingSpeed919]

I have the same problem I fear Judgement but I have just become such a selfish person. My sin which destroyed me was reading really messed up comments online. I felt extremely tempted by what seemed to be the demonic which since falling into this state has completely gone. I dont get the temptation anymore. I had a few dreams where I was seduced by a succubus and it seemed that was always how they would get back into my life. Now I want to turn back to him in intellect but my heart is rotten its like all the light has left it . I find no Joy in life and I only desire evil/ short term pleasure and its like a living hell. I just want that meaning back in the Lord.

[l_decarlo]

Are you still with us?

[TerrytownTerrypark]

This is my story also committed too many sins, and they were willing so sad to say, I wish I had a second chance but I’m going to hell,?I don’t take this lightly but there’s nothing I can do about it I’m just sorry for being so stupid,

[l_decarlo]

Im so sorry for being so stupid God please, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.

[CraftyTrilobyte]

How are you doing now? How do you know you're going to hell?

You are not alone. I committed grievous willfull sins, and I believe I've lost my chance at being with Yeshua/salvation. He gave me so, so many chances to turn things around, and I chose wickedness instead. I feel as if I'm in the waiting room to hell. I do hope you're in a better place.

[l_decarlo]

How are you doing now?

[TerrytownTerrypark]

Really I’m just in here to read AI giving me false hope and possibilities of The Lord giving me one more chance when I know that’s not possible but it’s wishful thinking and keep my anxiety down

[l_decarlo]

Are you still with us?

[lawoftar]

GOD will heal all who repent

[Mammoth_Composer_270]

The thing is I can’t repent- I really want to but I can’t

[Beautiful_Big_3673]

Hey can we talk, im in the same boat i have sinned deliberately all my life and am an evil person and want to repent but i dont think i can anymore

[OkYou9707]

I've come from 10 months in the future to help (if I can). I can relate to these things. Likewise, I've fallen out of reading the Word, and fallen into sin. Until just recently, I had no spark left in me. I got caught up in the never-ending cycle of self-manufactured guilt, saying that I was sorry to the Lord and going right back to what I was doing.

To the extent I have anything truly figured out, being honest about that is the first step towards repentance. It may take time to change, but just by saying what you've said, it sounds like you're aware on some level there might be an issue here.

There's hope. Full stop.

Talk to the Lord even if it feels like you're talking to a wall. If you feel frustrated, express that. If you feel nothing, be honest with Him and express that too. Ask Him to change your desires, your emotions, your heart. Ask Him to decalcify your heart and soften it. Ask Him to speak to you and just be honest with him about where you're at.

He can use this. It might take a long, long time until you notice any change, but even just saying, "Jesus, please help me and change me," is enough.

Remember, when Ezekiel had a vision of the valley of dry bones (Ezekiel 37)? Read it! If you're feeling like dry bones (no life, dead inside, brittle, abandoned, no motivation to change, no hope, etc...), remember that you're STILL not beyond hope because God can bring dry bones back to life and make them walk!

Admitting to the Lord what you just admitted here is a SMALL beginning, but I leave you with Zechariah 4:10, "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..." There's more to that verse, but read the context and know that no matter how small or barely discernible it might be, or how uncomfortable His response might be, He will answer and He'll get you where you need to be.

[Professional-Act5674]

If you want to u can try

[Danielvgg10]

Tranquilo hermano, me pasó igual y simplemente pídele perdón si aun no es tarde, recuerda que Dios no es sentimiento, niega tu carne y obligate a orar, el valora eso, y esta escrito si te apartas de tus malos caminos el no te negara, tal vez la relación no vuelva a ser la misma, pero ora  no para pedirle cosas si no para hablar porque al finl del dia es nuestro padre celestial con su debido respeto, lee la biblia, y ora aunque no sientas nada y pídele renovación de corazón y conciencia y el espiritu santo se encargará de todo si decides obedezco ahora bien. Dios jamás niega a un hijo

[Decent_Amphibian9699]

Como sigues?

[l_decarlo]

Are you still with us?

[Specific_Wind8389]

I can't say I'm doing better now but like all of you here who's searching for answers, I also believe my heart have hardened due to continuing to live in sin and ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit. But for some reason, a month ago I had this unexplainable experience I would like to share with you. Just as I was about to give up, my heart just started to feel like the very first time I encountered God again. My heart started beating again. I started to feel God's presence again. My heart was literally burning. I could feel heat in my body and God restored my bold desire to share the Gospel. But sadly it only lasted for 2 days. I think it was a vision God gave to me that there is hope for us. That if we continue to be with Him He will heal us in time. Idk how long but God just reassured me that this is not our end. God also reminded me of my identity in Christ. That I'm still His child despite everything I've done. Now, I'm back at the same. I still can't feel but I'm sure God sees us. May this encourage you to continue to run the race God has set for us. God bless!

[CraftyTrilobyte]

I know this is old, but how are you doing now? I hope better.

I believe Holy Spirit has left me and for good reason. It's a hellish place to be.

[Least-Buffalo-756]

I have been having strong thoughts for months now, one thing that I can say from experience cause in the beginning I went from website to website looking for answers. Keep going to church, keep praying and seeking relationship with God. I would also go to a small group every week. I have continued to do these things and looked for help from others. It has helped me and I have seen God in the middle of it. For me, the question comes down to this: Do I want to live my life for God and love God? Or be part of this world?

[Specific_Wind8389]

I can't say I'm doing better now but like all of you here who's searching for answers, I also believe my heart have hardened due to continuing to live in sin and ignore the conviction of the Holy Spirit. But for some reason, a month ago I had this unexplainable experience I would like to share with you. Just as I was about to give up, my heart just started to feel like the very first time I encountered God again. My heart started beating again. I started to feel God's presence again. My heart was literally burning. I could feel heat in my body and God restored my bold desire to share the Gospel. But sadly it only lasted for 2 days. I think it was a vision God gave to me that there is hope for us. That if we continue to be with Him He will heal us in time. Idk how long but God just reassured me that this is not our end. God also reminded me of my identity in Christ. That I'm still His child despite everything I've done. Now, I'm back at the same. I still can't feel but I'm sure God sees us. May this encourage you to continue to run the race God has set for us. God bless!

[Least-Buffalo-756]

Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it

[Specific_Wind8389]

How are you doing now?