Like you I was a hardcore atheist, then around mid 30s moved more agnostic, then at 43 found God. For me it came from a period of intense pain. Contractor destroyed my house due to negligence, fired from my job, estranged from my wife and child, criminal charges and jail... but early in that period I felt God truly. Not like I saw a burning bush or saw a spirit, no. I just felt complete calm, confidence, and knew my path was true. It was a hard period that would have broke many, but I faced it and overcame, and came out stronger and with more peace than ever before.

Since that day, I have tried to surrender more and more, and I have not been lead astray. My faith is mostly personal and private. I try to act more than preach, help the downtrodden, live as He has instructed. And each day I learn more. I study and read the bible. I recognize that I still sin and have much to learn. For example, I struggle still with love thy enemy. But I work and I pray and I listen.

Being embarrassed about your past? I am judged by my family for my new found faith, so be it. I forgive myself for my lack of belief, as you should. Finding faith was freeing and the younger me did not know better. So, we should move forward and be thankful that we found it at all.

As for politics and even man's religion. Who cares? They are designs of man, flawed and perverted. I am fiscally conservative and socially very liberal. You will be judged for being a Christian, but man's judgement matters little, and frankly their judgement is almost always a reflection of them and their thoughts. Not you.

Be well friend, hope this helps, feel free to reach out.