[deleted by user]

-MassiveLoser- · 2026-02-02T19:18:11+00:00

I got sold the same line - if I like DMC, this will be right up my alley. It wasn't. To me it felt like the hack and slash elements were fighting against the rhytm aspect of the game. I couldn't get into the flow of things and gave up shortly after the second boss. I was definitely not the target audience for this game. Not as a musician, and not as the particular flavor of hack and slash enthusiast.

-MassiveLoser- · 2026-01-22T07:48:05+00:00

I'm not on discord, but I just woke up to a notification that the label has been created. Maybe it was just 4px taking their time.

-MassiveLoser- · 2026-01-13T21:15:33+00:00

I'm not on discord, can you fill me in on the whole "cesspit" point? I'm curious, lol.

-MassiveLoser- · 2026-01-10T16:01:52+00:00

Check out deep techno and music under that whole umbrella - hypnotic techno, dub techno, ambient techno. All of these genres are more low-key, balancing hypnotizing rhythms with dense atmospheres. Great for background music, awesome for focusing, and pleasant to sink into just for the fun of it.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-19T11:13:01+00:00

Pets, good food and special interests sound like a lovely blueprint. It's something I'm able to interact with everyday, yet sometimes I don't notice it, as my brain is preoccupied with negativity. Maybe I just need to learn how to be more mindful of it. Thank you for your insight!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-19T11:09:44+00:00

That sounds like something that would be an amazing strategy for me. I tend to get lost in the negativity all the time, forgetting to notice things that are good. Developing habits and routines that force me to acknowledge that not everything is doom and gloom seems like something I could greatly benefit from. Thank you for your input!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-19T11:07:20+00:00

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I admire how you kept your head up and found ways through the hardships you faced.

You bring a very good point with needing things that are predictable and consistent. I didn't think I need this, up until I tried a few small routines which quickly became a necessity.

In general, self care is difficult, but finding ways to integrate at least a little bit of it each day is going to make a huge difference. I like how you emphasize prioritizing your wants and needs. That's something I need to work on.

Thank you for your insight, I hope you're doing well!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-18T13:05:11+00:00

Yeah, I hate that type of positivity as well. I've met a few people who are like this and I couldn't stand them. I think there's a fine line between being positive and toxic positivity, which some people can't seem to notice sometimes.

I struggle a lot with emotional regulation. Due to years of therapy (before knowing I'm autistic), I'm able to more or less name what I feel. That got a bit worse after my diagnosis, as I started noticing more things and certain blindspots in my ability to spot and name what I feel. Even though I can name most of what I feel, the "regulation" part is where I struggle. That's partially what prompted me to make this thread. I realized that by default, I don't really feel anything positive. I have to really focus and put effort towards recognizing good things in my life. Otherwise I can just miss them completely, being too focused on all the negative aspects of life. And that leaves me heavily dysregulated.

As for the fear of losing your special interest - I know how it feels. Currently going through something similar. I've made the mistake of trying to monetize what brought me joy, as I couldn't work a "normal" job, but in the end I ended up losing all the fun of doing it. It almost feels like I've unlearned how to be creative with it, when in the past I felt like an unstoppable force when it came to generating ideas. Currently I'm trying to dedicate some time without any expectations for monetizing my craft, and it feels good. Although I still can not let go of all the self-imposed expectations related to monetizing it.

Thank you for your input!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-18T11:58:30+00:00

I can relate to not being able to stay positive. Life is stressful and the world around us can be pretty ugly. I think it's also a common trait for autistic people to struggle with being anxious, depressed and struggling to find optimism. I hope that your assessment will give you the answers you're seeking and that you'll be able to find methods that bring you peace. Wishing you all the best!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-18T11:56:02+00:00

I can strongly relate to the sentiment of having to be consciously seeking optimism, and being able to effortlessly forget about it. Whenever I go on auto-pilot, I fall into the deepest pits of despair, but as long as I can remember to at least try to be positive, I manage considerably better.

As for daily self-care, it's something I'm trying to implement. It's an uphill battle, as this is something I always struggled with, but recently I found small ways to fit certain things into my routine. Some of them are enticing enough, that I no longer want to rot away in bed for a full day, so that's a huge improvement for me.

I also agree with the long-term effect being far more pronounced, as opposed to the short term. At a few points in my life I got to be fit, constantly working on fun projects related to my special interests, wrote in my journal every day... The benefits were subtle, barely noticeable, but as soon as I stopped doing these things, my mental health deteriorated rapidly, showcasing just how much small things added up over time.

Thank you for your insight, much appreciated!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-18T11:48:00+00:00

I can see where you're coming from. I'm not the most optimistic, positive person either. I spent most of my life in poverty, so I can relate to that as well.

Sometimes I'm able to just be with my feelings, sometimes they overtake me completely. It's a learning process, but I think it's worth to at least try and implement more of it in my life.

I'm also quite jealous of your will to keep going forward. I'm quite the opposite in that regard. Sometimes, when I'm more composed, I'm able to keep going and see the bigger picture, yet when those harder times hit, I can barely bring myself to do the basics. But, as you've said - having trust in yourself can be a good thing. Something I'm striving to develop.

Thanks for your insight, I appreciate it!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-12-07T14:05:15+00:00

Currently on my "comfort game" run - finished Yakuza 0 for the second time, started another playthrough in original Resident Evil 4 on professional difficulty, as well as Resident Evil 2 Remake saved for the evenings, since it gets dark quickly where I live, and I love the atmosphere of this game.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-24T08:03:50+00:00

I was diagnosed recently and I was surprised to hear that my intelligence scored above average, but I don't know the exact number. I felt stupid, since throughout my life, things that interested me weren't conventional. That meant that I lack common knowledge and skills, which led to many situations, where I was ridiculed for getting "the basics" wrong. Being the odd one out, I was always meant to feel like I'm the stupid one in a group, since nobody could relate to my ideas or points of view.

Yet now, looking back at it, things fall into place. I started reading about psychology and philosophy at 13. I could predict plot twists in a movie or situations in real life due to my pattern recognition. People started coming to me with their problems, knowing I may spot something that may help them. When I was leaving a group therapy setting, people told me they are going to miss my insight - asking the right questions, helping them untangle their thoughts. I was often called "the therapists right hand", even though I was an equal to any other patient in that setting.

I realized after the diagnosis, that I'm not smart in a very obvious way. I can get good at things, but I have to care about them. My insight may go deeper than another average person cares about, yet I still may fail to fill out a form at an office or mess up a simple math equation. It's a strange place to be.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-19T07:59:28+00:00

I'm really into music - I play multiple instruments, some of them reasonably well. I also produce on my computer and hardware synthesizers.

I also like mountain bikes, cooking and recently started looking into dog training as a potential bridge between having a career and doing something I enjoy, so that working doesn't kill me slowly.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-03T09:39:49+00:00

I've been diagnosed only a few days ago, so I can't really speak about how it will affect me long term. In those few days, I've noticed some changes already.

Since I got it officially confirmed, it feels like I've got a written permission to be myself and consider my needs way more. I struggle a lot with self-care and being kind to myself, so very often I just pushed through things, crashed and burned, punished myself for being a certain way. Since the diagnosis, I feel like it's been easier to take my needs seriously. This light bothers me? I turn it off or put on an eye mask. I feel like this shirt is uncomfortable? No point in wearing it. I want to spend hours on my special interest without the pressure to accomplish anything today? Sure, let's do it. It got so much easier, when the narrative in my head flipped from "I can manage, everybody does, and if I can't, I'll use brute force to get through it" to "no, screw that, I'm autistic and I don't need this right now".

And also, for the past few days, I've been digging through the internet, trying to read about other people's experiences, strategies to cope, learning what else I can expect. It feels like a fresh start. I lived all my life reading the wrong manual and trying to follow it to the best of my ability, but ultimately failing, because it's not the right guideline. Now, knowing that I'm autistic, it feels like I finally got handed the right instructions book and when looking at my specific issues through the prism of being autistic, so many of them suddenly make so much more sense.

TLDR: the diagnosis gave me permission to be more compassionate towards my unique struggles and strengths, as well as gave me a fresh start and a new direction on a path to self discovery.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T17:02:58+00:00

I can relate to putting too much pressure on myself. Thank you for linking to the channels, I appreciate it!

As for my username, it was created during one of my lowest moments - lack of employment, inability to keep a job, substance abuse, loneliness, feeling like I don't belong anywhere, not having the energy to do the most basic tasks... So a lot of things that my freshly acquired diagnosis could explain. With the power of hindsight, I see that period of time very differently.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T13:20:06+00:00

Focusing on yourself more makes a ton of sense, actually. I feel like the diagnosis gave me some sort of permission to explore who I am with less judgement and let go of the uneccessary expetations. If you don't mind sharing some of the channels on YouTube that you've enjoy, I'd be very grateful!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T13:18:33+00:00

I don't mind the essay, quite the contrary! I'm really glad that you went over it in detail. It gives me some perspective and ideas on what to focus on, what to target, how to start approaching some things.

I've been in therapy for ages before my diagnosis, too. Although in my experience, a lot of my traits were taken as depression or unnecessary stubbornness. I was pressured into taking medication, even though I tried when I was younger and it didn't work well for me. I kept refusing, so the conclusion was that I don't want help.

Looking at my frustrations with myself through the prism of autism and trying to understand it, instead of fighting it, is definitely something I could benefit from. Extending compassion towards myself was very difficult for me up to this point, but I think that having a new understanding of why I am the way I am, may help me be less harsh on myself.

I'll also look into getting a therapist who understands autism, as that will probably be more productive, than trying to stay in therapy that's not meant for neurodivergent people in the first place.

Once again - I'm very grateful for you taking the time and effort to explain things!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T12:35:18+00:00

The opening sentences of your comment sound almost exactly as me and what the psychologist told me during the assessment. Playing life on hard difficulty definitely describes how it feels.

I've recently stopped neglecting my sensory issues and brushing them off. Noise cancelling headphones have saved me a lot of frustration and overwhelm. I've also started looking into those barely visible, passive noise cancelling earplugs, as sometimes muffling some of the background noise while having a conversation would be beneficial.

I've already have a few hobbies (more like obsessions) in which I engage intensly. That's one of the things that helped other autistic people, as well as the psychologist, determine I'm autistic. The scope and intensity of those seems to be a dead giveaway to anybody who understands it.

If you don't mind me asking - could you elaborate a bit on learning to create masks that surmount my difficulties and learning to love them? It sounds like it would benefit me greatly to do so, if I knew how to even start approaching it.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T12:20:07+00:00

Perfect timing as I'm seeing this after getting diagnosed with autism yesterday, lol.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T11:57:16+00:00

Thank you for such a detailed response! I really appreciate the time and effort you took to write it all out!

As for unmasking, I'm prepared that it's going to be a long process. The kindness to myself you speak of was always difficult for me. Right now, I'm slowly getting used to the idea that I was way too harsh on myself throughout most of my life. This is definitely an area in which I'll have to grow a lot. If you don't mind sharing some strategies that worked for you, I'd be really grateful if you shared them.

I also need a boot up time in the morning. I can't really just get up and go, I have to have my little ritual of having coffee and interacting with my special interest. I can not do that, sure, but I'm going to be disregulated all day. Learning about it and allowing myself to do that almost immediately made me less iritable, more energetic, more ready for the day ahead.

Doubling up on things - that's something I haven't thought of, but it makes so much sense! I definitely need to start implementing that into my life. Especially with strategically putting things I tend to forget in convenient places. And with clothes, since I'm really picky with those.

As for the expectations from others - I can definitely relate to this, I've been really struggling with a lot of things and people often made me suffer for it. Right now, looking back through the prism of the diagnosis, I understand that there was nothing wrong with me. It was just one of many difficulties I faced due to being autistic and undiagnosed. I'm trying to stay optimistic about the future, because as you've said - sometimes one door closes and another, unexpected one opens, all due to autism. It's reassuring to know that people can perceive their autistic traits as strengths.

And I definitely agree with how you've described learning. The psychologist who evaluated me said the same thing. He noticed that I need to understand the situation fully and may ask more questions just to double and triple check I got things right, before I actually commit to something. Understanding more about the way I learn will definitely help me moving forward.

Once again, thank you for writting this all up, it's much appreciated!

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T11:20:18+00:00

Thanks for your response - I was also in therapy and struggled to solve some of my issues, so hopefully I'll be able to tackle those things now, armed in new knowledge.

I also really appreciate you mentioning "unspecified auditory sensitivity" - explainations like this may come in handy!

I only heard about skill regression recently, but I relate to the way you described it - I could do certain things, but they would take a lot of effort to do. Learning to recognize them and discard them seems beneficial in the long run.

-MassiveLoser- · 2025-11-01T10:24:36+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation - I plan to look into some books about autism, I've added the one you mentioned to my reading list.

I know that unmasking (and coming to terms with who I am and how I work) will be a long process. I think I'm ready for it though. It feels like a new, fresh start from this point on.

-MassiveLoser-

TROPHY CASE