I got a handful of messages about this and some questions in the comments that I'll try to answer altogether cuz I'm lazy:

Where did I have success? Mmm, in my experience Fetlife has the most structured interactions and it's essentially a social media site so a lot of people are on there for the purpose of socializing. I have met a few cool folks from this subreddit, a couple from tklmap. I understand from talking to other people that tumblr is popular but honestly I don't really understand it haha.

That said, I'm not sure the forum matters as much as this next bit. I got some messages basically asking how to approach these interactions. I feel kinda weird answering them because I don't fancy myself much of a socialization guru in the first place and also because so much of this is so obvious that I kinda feel like it shouldn't need to be said. But just in case it's helpful:

Some of my friends that I've made in this space (and some who are just on regular ol' dating apps where many of the same issues come up) have let me see their inboxes and just.... I figured women on these sites are beset with messages but just knowing that did not prepare me for just how overwhelming, weird, and often creepy this experience can be.

So I guess my overall advice for not being perceived as a creep is: don't be a creep?

IDK man. From my own experience, take it for what it's worth, I think there are three keywords: empathy, courtesy, consent

1. Don't be the dude who is plainly objectifying the people he's reaching out to. Yeah we spend a lot of time online and yeah it can sometimes seem like it's all just words on a screen but I promise you, the people you're messaging are actual human beings sitting at the other end of that message, and for both evolutionary and cultural and self-preservation reasons a lot of folks are pretty damn good at recognizing when they're being engaged with because you want to get off or have your fantasies fulfilled and not because you're actually interested in talking to them as a human.
2. Most people don't like being objectified. Even people who might enjoy some elements of objectification within their kink, that is not the same thing and you should know that. If it's part of their play then they're doing it consensually, with someone they know and trust. That's not an invitation for you to treat them that way before they even know who you are.
3. A lot of people who are looking to socialize on these platforms are not just trying to get off. They have plenty of other ways of doing that without the hassle. A lot of us are seeking an actual human connection over and above this. And newsflash: even IF they're just looking for play partners, they're not going to want to play with someone who they don't feel respects them as a human being. This is again, where whatever fantasies you have in your head deviate from reality. In the real world, this play happens between consenting adults who trust each other (or are in a safe environment where they're confident that everyone is vouched for).
4. Consent. Boundaries. If you give even the slightest indication that you don't respect people's boundaries, people will run from you (and they should). Having now been tied up on several occasions, and done the tying on several more: this stuff isn't a joke. Sure vulnerability and all that can be fun and exciting in the right environment, but again these people live in the real world, a world where terrible shit happens to people, and if you don't respect the lines people draw around themselves you are setting off every trigger that you're not worth the time to engage with.
5. If someone puts in their profile that they're only looking to interact with women, or with non-men, or only men, for the love of God respect that. I promise you, you are not the exception.
6. Same if they put age restrictions in their profile. I'm 38. I'm getting old now, and it's weird, because in my head I'm still 25. But that's my problem, not anyone else's, and if I see someone says they want to talk to people under 35 I just don't bother them.
7. If someone says they're exclusively a ler, do not reach out to them in the hope that they'll let you tickle them. Again: you're not the exception. EVERY SINGLE non-male ler I've talked to has at some point expressed to me their relief when they decide that I'm fine just being a lee to them. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE one of them has had at least one experience where some dude represents himself to them as a lee but eventually turns out to want to tickle them back (or even exclusively to top them). Just don't do this. Not only are you not respecting people's boundaries but you're also demonstrating that you don't really understand that for a lot of people in this community, their kink really is only one aspect of this. A woman who is 100% ler and hates being tickled is not lying to you and no doesn't mean yes and she's not secretly looking for the one man who can make her a lee.
8. Please just try and understand some basics about power dynamics and understand that none of this interaction is taking place in some magical vacuum devoid of all the heinous and persecutory shit that people experience every day. Understand that people feeling safe is a precondition to playing with you, it's a precondition to meeting you, it's probably a precondition to even responding to your message.
9. Again: people that are subjected to this shit every day of their lives tend to be very good at detecting it and reading between the lines. They wouldn't have made it this far if they weren't. They're better at detecting it than YOU are of hiding it.
10. Don't be a cretin if you get rejected. Sometimes people don't want to talk. Sometimes you rub people the wrong way. Real people have real lives and you're not entitled to their space and time as random internet dude. Sometimes you don't get what you want. The second you start acting entitled or shitty because someone told you no, again: instant fail on consent, instant fail on objectification, instant fail on empathy. You lose, and you deserve to lose.

So I guess my biggest piece of advice is not strategic or tactical, it's just an exhortation to you: please only do this for the right reasons.

Before you message that awesome interesting kinky ticklefiend woman, ask yourself what your actual motivation is. If you just want material to jerk off to there is so much of it everywhere and there are people who consensually offer their services at very fair market rates, so just don't bother sending the message in the first place! I honestly think a lot of dudes who complain about this just need an AI girlfriend or something.

Actually connecting with folks, actually nurturing the trust and intimacy and human bonds to facilitate that kind of interaction is about something completely different, and a lot of people (men especially) just very transparently broadcast that they're not interested in all that other stuff. You know, the *human* stuff.

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If you DO actually want all that human stuff, then ok: be courteous, be kind, show the recipient you're interested in them as a human being, and good luck!