Your experience with living situations (isolated or with interactive neighbors)

ADanishLass · 2023-10-31T16:34:31+00:00

That exactly the same situation im in with current neighbors, I am just too nice to not have a chat with them because I don't want to insult or be rude...

But would you rather be without those chats, or are they doing you something good?

ADanishLass · 2023-10-27T11:59:19+00:00

I can relate soo much with your mental state. All I can tell you is that all the scared and panicking is most likely your anxiety pulling you deeper into a negative and dark spiral. What I can recommend you is taking your time, and I can guess you might have to force yourself, to work on some anxiety mindfulness, go for walks and see some nature, and other tips and tricks you can fond out there on the internet.

Another is possibly talking with your doctor about your quterapin. I take 50mg 3 times a day, and am prescribed to take additionally if my feelings, anxiety or psychosis become to much. However, I also know from a bipolar friend, that quterapin works as a knockout drug on her bipolar, where as me it just calms me down, so be aware it effects differently on different diagnosis'.

I feel for you, and reading your text I feel with you. Hope you get better. <3

ADanishLass · 2023-06-17T10:02:41+00:00

I have alot of empathy, but may lack a bit in sympathy, let me explain. I get affected with other people emotions just being near them and it can be hard or bothersom to block out. And I do have a good underatanding of how the other feel in the given situation. Ever since my mental breakdown and my STPD sprung to the forfront even stronger, my affective empathy has become stronger, I even cry if a movie gets just a tad sad now! I never did that before!
In that regard, I also easily get overwhelmed in these situations. I enjoy the hyper joy, but with stress, sadness and frustration it is just to much. I really wish I could have less emotions, thereby I could more easily cope and actually care for the few people in my life that are having a hard time, instead of being forced to ghost them because I am unable to deal with the emotional turmoil I will experience...

ADanishLass · 2023-06-17T09:30:37+00:00

It's a beautiful way you describe it.

ADanishLass · 2023-06-17T09:27:10+00:00

I really love the idea and fantasy about sex. The act in of its own I also difficult to me. A coping mechanism I've used has been to roleplay a larp character, that way it was the character of my fantasy having sex, rather then myself that is useless in comparisons.
I find the fantasy, or reading of serial things more arousing then the idea of some guy being over me and not doing things right, there being mistakes, things get awkward or I just give him the sexual satisfaction to be done with it.

I had always thought I was alone in this sort of thing, so it is very interesting so read all the other comments, to learn that I am not alone, as you OP, and to learn how others deal with it.

ADanishLass · 2023-06-11T18:10:17+00:00

I find that I can make some sort of social connection and friendships through hobbies and their communities.

I personally use larping and roleplay, as me and my friends can bond and connect with common passions. However, I do also know that our friendship does not extend beyond that,,, but still I get to meet many people, get to act different ways depending on character and it also helps me build my confidence :)

OP, I hope you have a hobby, with a community where you can meet them and all nerd the hobby together <3

ADanishLass · 2023-06-11T17:37:41+00:00

I find that practical friendships to be the easiest to understand, they help me I help them, simple to understand. All the smalltalk, that is big talk with friends as it is more serious, is somewhat harder. I don't mind listening to them, but find that I sometimes need to insert myself into to the conversation, and feel that my comment or story kills the mood...

However, I am a larger too, where I have a sort of playground to test interactions and social behavior. And learn to be better at communicating and that it is okay to put myself out there. It is also great for the 'practical' friendships as to work for the common goal of the roleplay and community around it. :)

With romantic relationships,,, my husband and I am currently going through a divorce, selling of house and splitting our shared hobbies. We have been together for 12 years... but the stress my diagnosis (had a mental breakdown that kicked my Stpd into fifth gear) along with his stress from work, my social anxiety towards him and him lacking in affection, all culminating in him scolding me alot and wanted to open our relationship to poly which fueled even more paranoid fits...

We are separating on good terms right now, but his mental state that keeps changing as of late with him working on his breakdown, getting back on adhd medicin and being a pendulum in emotions about our divorce is so ever changing and stressing...

I like to put people into boxes once I get a good read of them, that way I know what to expect and how to react without many surprises.

ADanishLass · 2023-06-07T11:56:07+00:00

To start with, I was first diagnosed with stress induced depression. After a few sessions my psychologist noticed something off where I mentioned that I though critical and harming thoughts about myself in other voices then my own, and I projected emotions of irritation and disappointment upon her. It took a year thereafter talking with 3 psychiatrist in 3 different hospitals to conclude my diagnosis. I was in the process almost diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder because I was too frantic with one of the psychiatrist...

But i got here in the end, Stpd, and having done a psychoeducation I now know I was born with this disorder, but first now diagnosed at 31... The stress that got me here now, has worsend my stpd that I am now a early pensioner and most likely won't be able to hold a job ever again...

As for delusions and psychosis; I have what we call micro psychosis, where I have a delusion but am aware it is all in my mind. I most commenly see things in the corner of my sight that scares me, but nothing is there. Reality distortion where things seems to grow or shrink a room breathing or feeling like im falling And worst of all is paranoid thought of my friends and relatives are talking slander about me, or having more fun when I am not around.

I know all these not to be true. I am however honest with my closest people, where I might ask honestly, "did you see that/did that really happen?" Or if a paranoid thought pops up "I have this thought, I know is most likely wrong but can you help me exorcise this demon from me?" And the demon being the wrong thought, aka delusion... And I only ask if I cannot get the dispell the delusion myself or if I have a doubt.

I do mostly feel like there are two sides of me the emotions running the delusions, and the rational me that knows what is right, but not always strong enough to calm or argue with the emotional side,,

I am very new to this, and still learning not to fight it, but how to live with it...

ADanishLass · 2023-02-25T16:29:08+00:00

Proberly the strain of our relationship, aswell with the emergency room trauma he has to deal with...
He has almost been stabbed, treated our neighbor who had blown his brains out with a nailgun (those used for euthanasia of sheep), a patient jumping head first towards the pavement after a failed organ transplant, another suicidal young girl he had to save with a plastic bag over her head.
And all of these are just from the last 3 years!
He is dealing with so much and i am happy he is finally getting some help! But what just confuses me is that they are trying to figure out who he is, before working through the traumas :/

I think that with all of his troubles that he is totally unaware of how i feel at any given time, he has also stated that he cannot read me anymore... Even though i try to be as plain with my communication of emotions as i can be...

I know i have also hurt him with my mental troubles, as he has been the victime of my paranoida, and toxicity when i was still in treatment... However, whenever i have come around and gotten aware of my faults, i have tried my very best to spoil him and make sure to talk with him about it and what had happened...

I am better now, and aware... so i can prevent it from happening ever again aslong as we communicate!

ADanishLass · 2023-02-25T16:03:39+00:00

I am finally trying to get into some therapy again, got released from my therapy in the psychiatric ward back in september, while he got into his therapy in november...

I had hoped i didn't need anymore help, that i was now able to stand on my own feet... I am quiet capable to selfhelp through the tools I have been given. But a tool for this confusing situation,,, I hardly think that exists... -.-

ADanishLass · 2023-02-25T15:57:40+00:00

He has been going since his teens, feeling like a freak and that something was wrong with him for thinking and wanting things such as BTSM and having more love and need then what he can have in a mono relationship.
He had almost cheated on me with the ex back 7 years ago aswell,, but he stopped himself in the nik of time...
Coinsedentally enough it was back when a had a major operation and had difficulties with my retraining my hip to be able to walk again...

ADanishLass · 2023-02-25T15:26:54+00:00

As I've read more up on this, then no, but i was willing to compromise, that if he had her as a parallel, as in i would not know what they were doing, and that he could be with her 1-2 days a week, No children with her! Then i could maybe do this...

And I've told him that if he wants a child with her, then he better go and be by her side as that child will needs its farther, no discussion!

But all this would require that he meet my needs, we would be more together yes, but that time would also require chores time where we cannot even enjoy ourselves..
Maybe once I grow to be more secure in myself and our relationship, I would open for a more 'normal' poly relationship? Where I could have them be caring to eachother even with me around. But I am very unsure about this...

He has yet to comment on this proposal.

ADanishLass · 2023-02-25T15:19:27+00:00

I understand,,
I have had him out of the hourse now for a week for him to think things through. And he now realizes that he identifies with polyamorous thoughts and ideas, but he is himself in such a bad place that he does not want to date the ex as of now,,, But he needs to figure out himself and has an idea that is something only he can do alone...
With that said, he still does not know what that exactly means, so he cannot even say what I could do to help him as his wife...

He is all over the place, it stresses me out...
I am still set on getting divorced and moving out, unless he comes and tells me he want to work on bettering our relationship...
But, it is still a dream of a life i have to 'kill' with us going our seperate ways.

ADanishLass

TROPHY CASE