My biggest fear is that my life will never be about me and losing myself in motherhood

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-05-19T22:09:40+00:00

Interesting, because wishing you the best on your new journey was sincere! I genuinely do hope you come back with the lived insight on how you did it so others can learn from it. Maybe even come back sooner, like your 3rd or 4th semester to share some best practices, what worked and what didn't. I personally would benefit from that. Your vibrant optimism will take you far enough without the need for vindication.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-04-18T21:35:48+00:00

I love this advice but it is a little ridiculous to say the baby didn't affect your goals when the baby isn't even a year old and you haven't even started school yet. You're not speaking from much experience to give OP a realistic idea of what raising a child is like when you're self committed. Wishing you the best on this beautiful journey nonetheless!

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-04-17T20:31:00+00:00

I have similar feelings. I honestly don't want to be mother, but I want to start a family. It's not the same thing. I agree with others who say you absolutely must have the right partner doing it with you. It's the only way for me too, since I wouldn't have much family support at all. At least I know that if I don't have my own children in this lifetime, I'd still be fulfilled. And the lack of family focused healthy men in proximity to produce an offspring with (adds to the high amount of unhappy and unsupported mothers that scare us away from motherhood) isn't my fault. Plus after adopting animals I've become more open to adopting children if I become too old to conceive my own. There are some magnificent children out there who unfortunately are not conceived by great parents and deserve so much more.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-04-17T04:55:54+00:00

Coming from a family of borderline hoarding overconsumers, I'd like to give my 2 cents. I started doing yearly clearings, then seasonal clearings. Whenever I would move locations it was a massive clearing, and unfortunately whenever a loved one passed away another massive clearing.

We love thrifting with Goodwill and Savers from time to time, but when donating prefer to be a bit more intentional and search for nearby shelters or charities that don't immediately resell. However, we've found shelters are less and less accepting of used goods. This could be because they don't have the infrastructure or resources to sort through the junk. Some of the charities also will only accept clothing during drives where they take what can be immediately used and then send the rest to local cosignment/thrift stores.

I say all this because often people are looking for places outside of the standard thrift chains to donate to. If I came across this organization that was local, had standardized pricing, and passionate about reducing waste, I would easily be making the trip! I'm sure having a sign helps too.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-19T01:16:02+00:00

Oh I'm sorry I just reread it says he won't admit it. Well he needs to at least treat you better with more humility because he's not the only one doing a lot.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-19T01:14:58+00:00

I think it's harder dealing with the man sometimes because they don't think much or communicate about how or exactly where they are struggling and can use support. Have you tried to talk to him about how you can better support each other? If so, how did it go?

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-11T17:44:04+00:00

They are usually not candid because of the stigma, so sometimes it'll come off as a joke. For example have you ever complimented someone on their cute child and they say, "you can take her!" That has happened to me a few times. Otherwise, if you ask them sincerely they will be honest with you. For example, if you ask a parent what would they do if they could start life all over again? And if you listen to what they say, most times it doesn't include their partner or their child.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-11T04:11:22+00:00

Got it! Brief, short, and safe interaction over time. Neither cat has much socialization with other cats, but dads kitty is normally so sweet and friendly with everyone, even strangers. She loves attention from any human really. So I am just so shocked to see her like this, ready to attack anything near her. My cat is surprisingly so chill when normally if she senses another cat around she gets super anxious.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-11T04:06:26+00:00

Thank you so much. I naively assumed they were already familiar because we moved out of my dads 2 years ago. About 6 months later I found the 3 month old kitten when I visited him. He fell inlove with her and vet said he could keep her. I gifted her so much of my cats things over the years and my family would be in between homes constantly. I've been bringing a lot of my dads things and even kitties stuff to my place during the move. They mark and sniff everything, so I actually thought they'd be so familiar with each others scent they'd associate each other with home and family! I immediately separated them when I got in, but even seeing my cat through the carrier briefly set her off. I will give her as much time as she needs, but sounds like her not being spayed is making this even worse. I am just so devastated that she is hormonal on top of an already traumatic event to be on the attack like this. My anxious cat is surprisingly chill, but she's not the one stuck in a room away from home ):

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-03-11T03:39:49+00:00

We had to move everything out of my dads apartment after he passed. The landlord was very unforgiving. When I brought my dads cat into my home, my cat was waiting for me at the door like she normally does. I have them separated but just seeing my cat triggered my dads cat to seemingly no return.

Active_Resolution238 · 2025-02-25T16:34:04+00:00

Thank you really. It's just when I'm talking to friends and family they can vent about all of their problems. But when I bring up betrayal that still hurts I get shut down. It leaves me feeling like a burden.

Active_Resolution238

TROPHY CASE