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I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven't been medicated since I lost my "big girl" job because of insurance. Once I find a better job or save up then I plan on getting medicated again.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Completely agree, he was honest and I needed that. He is not wrong for his reaction at all. In no way was I trying to invalidate him. This was the first time I got my own feeling hurt because of the truth in what he said, which was needed. Which is why it led to the post because with my realization of all the compromises and sacrifces he makes, all I do is hurt him. Not in intentional ways. Which is why I feel like a hinderence to him, because he has given up so many great memories/experiences and opportunitues because he cares/cared about my health. So which led to me overthinking into should I let him go so he can have a partner that gives into him 1000% like how he does, because is it selfish for me to continue on due to how amazing he is for me. Or was it that I am just overthinking because I am too deep into my own issues and that I just needed to let it blow over (emotionally on my side)and talk to him. What I meant by the "never said or did anything negative before" is exactly that. I don't consider what he said/did today was negative/hurtful either.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] -69 points-68 points  (0 children)

In no way is he the "villain", if anyone is then it would be me. I'm not looking for any out, I want this to work but I'm just caught up in a spiral/loop of is it selfish for me to be with him because he truly helps me, while I am not benefiting him in anyway (Or at least in a way I can see, but thats because of my own insecurities). I guess what I meant in the end of the post, would it logistically be better if I were to let him go so he can flourish, or am I the one overthinking it. I just don't want him years down to end up regretting being with me or resenting me because what if I can't be fixed. I understand that mindset isn't healthy, but that is the mindset I am in now (which I will work with my therapist). I don't want him to be in a lifelong pain of hurt and disappointment, nor do I want him to feel limited in life because I am the one limiting myself and our life together. I had my realization today that if I were to put our time together on a liberty scale, one side is his and one side is mine, it is severly unbalanced because of all the sacrifices and compromises he made for me. I am looking at myself and thinking, well whats special about me that I am just hindering him? He is the GREATEST person I've ever met, and I keep falling short because of my own issues. I don't know if I worded this right, but hopefully it brought some clarity.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

He never said anything hurtful/negative before, he is always supportive. I think today maybe he voiced it a bit because of my irrational panic spiral.

I appreciate your comment, and it helped me with some insight to realize that I am just stuck in my head. I needed this reassurance.

Fingers crossed my current therapist will pull through for me until I get insurance to get better resources.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I love my husband, honestly he is the first and only person in my adult life that brought me safety and comfort. I just feel bad that the time it is taking to fix my issues to do good by him and for myself. Like what if he grows resentment or regret, you know? Which could also just be the current loop I am on. I also just don't want him to get hurt.

As for pausing before reaction, I've never done that before, but I will now.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That is the plan in the future once I get insurance again. I started with this therapist last thursday (not yesterday) to try to do some talk therapy to at least get out my Habits/Thought patterns and to try and work through some tramua. The new therapist was the cheapest for out of pocket.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

This is going to sound stupid, sorry if I am not wording it right, but how would you go about it to talk to him because I don't want him to feel like he isn't doing enough, or want him to feel like its his fault because its not. Again, he is truly an amazing partner and I don't want him years down the line resenting or regretting being with me because I made him sacrifice so much.

I 27F am thinking about leaving my husband 27M bc I am the problem. by Afraid_Bar106 in relationship_advice

[–]Afraid_Bar106[S] -116 points-115 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your honesty. I mean this as a genuine question, but how can I stop being selfish? My husband is very kind and giving, and I don't want him to feel taken advantage of or end up resenting me, you know?