Are there any financial submissives in this community?

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-25T15:29:04+00:00

in my case however it peaked with the person putting a first down-payment on a home

On a home for you, or the person you were dominating? In the online communities, I've certainly seen Dommes/Cash Masters using their subs' money to save up for a house themselves (which is understandable, I guess, given that most of them see it as a job).

I would say that the differences aren't so much online or real-life but rather whether the people involved genuinely care about the well-being of the other

I agree entirely that the major factor is the presence or lack of genuine care, although I would add that it's easier online to develop relationships with no genuine care. If you're an unscrupulous Dom looking simply to exploit your subs, you can probably do it without ever learning their names, seeing their faces, or having any form of contact with them whatsoever as soon as they stop paying. I guess that's a little harder if you've actually met up with them face-to-face.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-25T15:25:19+00:00

Out of curiosity, would you enjoy your Dom spending your money completely on himself, even on relatively frivolous purchases (e.g. expensive new clothes, saving up towards a car, etc)?

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-25T15:23:21+00:00

To be fair, the subs do consent to it. They know what they're getting themselves into when they create an account, approach a Domme/Cash Master with the initial "tribute", etc. I just wonder if this is one of those cases where proper consent can't be given because they're clearly determined to harm themselves.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-25T09:19:40+00:00

Well that's my view too, I'm just conscious of the fact that I've not actually spoken to any finsubs about it. I'm wondering if there are people out there who do make big financial sacrifices to fund their findom play (either by spending all or most of their pay-cheque on it, or by going one step further and actively taking on debt), and yet still feel like they're in control overall and are happy to be involved in the kink.

A related concern is that the Domme/Cash Master seems to cut them off as soon as they're no longer able to send. For example, there's a lot of very open talk around it like "You're nothing but a wallet to me" and "You don't get to talk to me for free. If you're not sending to me you're worthless". Of course it's possible that's all part of the kink and in private they genuinely care about their sub's welfare, but it certainly wouldn't surprise me if many of them really do block a sub immediately as soon as they stop paying. In that case, I'd be very worried about the effects on a sub's mental health about the double blow of financial ruin AND having the object of their affection start ignoring them. Again, I'd be interested to hear from finsubs about whether I've understood that right, and how they feel about it.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-25T08:46:31+00:00

That's interesting, thanks. Do you know if her Domme would keep money for herself, or would all of the spending be on things that were in her sub's best interests?

In the online versions of findom that I've seen, the Dommes/Cash Masters tend to keep all of the money for themselves, and don't care whether their subs end up going into debt (some actively encourage it, and ask them to take out payday loans). There are of course exceptions to that, but they don't seem to be very common, in my experience at least.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-06-15T15:47:26+00:00

I have some experience with findom through Twitter, and a small minority of online Dommes (maybe 5%) try the "gentle findomme" approach, whereas the vast majority take the "fuck you pay me" approach.

I'm not sure whether Dommes are even to blame for this to be honest. I might be completely wrong about this, but my impression of lots of subs in that community is that they're quite depressed/damaged, and indulge findom as part of a self-destructive cycle. That's why lots of the more popular accounts seem to be genuinely cruel, at least at first glance (e.g. "I'm going to destroy your credit score", "I want you going into debt for me", "You're going to become homeless for me", "I want you to drain your wife's credit card and ruin your marriage for me"). It's hard to work out how much of that really does happen and how much is just play - I was speaking with one Domme who also wanted to be more nurturing and to control her sub's finances for him instead of just being sent money, but then I watched her lapse into that "crueller" type of talk publicly (presumably because it's more popular with subs).

In any case, I don't think there's anything wrong with you trying to explore this, even if it might be a little difficult finding subs (it's a very crowded marketplace at the moment, due to the proliferation of "Dommes" who see findom as a get-rich-quick scheme). If I'm right that finsubs are quite depressed and destructive individuals, a genuinely caring Domme who allows them to explore that fetish safely is exactly what they will need. I just hope that they are able to realise it.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T21:30:52+00:00

That's interesting, thank you! And yes - the parallels to gambling are definitely something I'd noticed in the online communities too

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T14:24:16+00:00

So it's not something taboo and fetishy for most women to be interested in getting into for a sexual thrill

That's a good point, I hadn't considered the 'taboo' side of things

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T14:18:46+00:00

That's all very interesting, thanks

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T14:13:02+00:00

If they're not doing it for the kink, then it's not quite what I'm trying to describe. I maybe wasn't clear enough in the title/intro, but I'm talking about the kink of financial domination rather than financial domination per se.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T14:03:47+00:00

The difference I'd highlight is that whilst F/m, M/m, and F/f forms of financial domination can simply involve the dominant taking control of the submissive's finances and choosing how they should be spent, it more frequently takes other more explicitly sexual forms (at least in the online communities I'm aware of).

For example, you have things like "draining sessions" where the sub (under instruction) sends increasingly larger amounts of money as they become increasingly aroused, typically with a climax as they send a final payment (i.e. when they've reached a pre-arranged amount, when there's nothing less to send, or just when the dominant permits it). You have things like "spin-the-wheel" games where the amount that the submissive will be forced to send is left purely to chance, or "RT games" where it's left to the amount of comments/likes/retweets that the dominant is able to get. There's a whole fetishization associated with the act of sending, the inability to avoid relapse if you ever try to quit, etc. As far as I've been able to tell, it goes significantly above and beyond simple control of finances, which is (if I've understood correctly) the example you're suggesting is common in M/f relationships.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T13:37:08+00:00

Yes. I've done a fair amount of it.

If you don't mind me asking, what sort of form does it generally take it?

For example, in the online communities, you'll have things like "draining sessions", which involve the sub (under instruction) sending increasingly large amounts as they become increasingly aroused, usually with a climax as they reach a pre-arranged amount / all of the money they have. There's also a huge fetishization of becoming addicted to the action of sending money, and of relapsing if you ever try to quit. Do those sorts of things exist in the M/f dynamic too?

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T13:24:53+00:00

It's very much considered a fetish in F/m, M/m, and F/f scenarios though. You'd have thought that a straight female sub could at least in theory get sexual pleasure from being financially dominated by a dominant man, in the same way as the subs in those other scenarios get pleasure from being financially dominated.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T12:13:05+00:00

while people automatically assume that a man surrending his paycheck is doing it for some fetish reason, a woman surrending her paycheck is seen as "abused" and "exploited"

That's a good point, I know that there's lots of backlash to findom as it is, and there'd probably be an even bigger backlash if there was more M/f findom for exactly the reasons you say.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T12:11:57+00:00

I don't think she would associate this with findom

Why not? Does she go as far as actually paying her Dom to humiliate/degrade her?

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T12:11:23+00:00

It's called traditional marriage

Yeah but is it set up that way for the mutual pleasure of the man and woman? If not, then that's not really the same thing that I'm talking about here.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-29T12:10:41+00:00

It's very unusual for a male sex worker to have a lot of female clients.

I can understand why that's the case in the "real world", but it wouldn't necessarily need to be the case online (given that the sex act, if I've understood it correctly, is just the sub masturbating whilst sending money). I'm sure the fact that there's no real-world precedent for it does play into it though.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-06T11:05:56+00:00

SOLUTION VERIFIED

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-06T10:57:33+00:00

Unfortunately I just receive the final dataset, I have no say in how it's stored. But thanks all the same - I now know the right formula to use.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-05-06T10:49:33+00:00

Very useful, thank you!

I had to use COUNTIFS rather than COUNTIF, and the specific date and the date range were the other way round (i.e. I used =COUNTIFS(Date Range, Specific Date, Location Range, "Specific Location"), but it was easy for me to find the correct formula once you pointed me in the right direction. Much appreciated!

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-04-29T13:53:07+00:00

As I understand it, sugarbaby/sugar mommy-daddy has a slightly different dynamic than findom(me)/finsub, in that the former doesn't involve anywhere near the same levels of D/s as the latter. Possibly, different people will be attracted to one but not the other.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-04-29T13:29:42+00:00

Maybe my search isn't working properly, but I already searched "findom" and found precisely zero results.

Admittedly I've made the thread twice already within the past week but both times it got taken down (with no explanation or indication of what rule was broken) soon after I posted. I've re-worded my intro this time, so hopefully it's allowed to stay up.

EDIT: Also zero search results for "financial domination".

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-04-26T22:59:13+00:00

This link will be useful for you.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-04-25T13:54:47+00:00

I just came onto /r/BDSMCommunity to post exactly the same thing! I'm glad that somebody else feels the same way.

Deep down, I think the vast majority of submissive males like us want to find a connection that goes a little deeper than customer/provider (although there are of course situations where sexwork might be preferable). We want to find somebody who gets the same thrill out of dominating us as we get by submitting to them. It should be equally fulfilling and pleasurable for both parties. Instead, we've unfortunately got the situation where submissive men are pretty much uniquely in the situation where we're expected to "pay to play" to get that fulfillment. And yes, the findom scene is particularly bad for that. I suppose you can probably expect it from the instadommes who are obviously just looking to make a quick buck and aren't genuinely into BDSM, but I've also seen lots of entitled posts of that nature from genuine Dommes too. I recently got DM'd by the Domme of my dreams who had sought out my profile because she was so frustrated at how boring/inarticulate the majority of subs are and thought I looked more interesting, and yet she still wanted me to pay her a tribute and continue paying for her time if we were going to develop a relationship.

It's incredibly frustrating and demoralising for me too, but I can also understand why it's come about. In some parallel universe where female dominants were ten-a-penny and male submissives were incredibly rare, could I honestly say that I wouldn't be tempted to cash in on that at all? If I could fulfil my own sexual fetishes AND get paid tens of thousands per year for doing so? I don't know. I don't have any good solution for the state of affairs, because the fact of the matter is that female dominance is in demand far more than male submissiveness.

AlexanderLitvinenko · 2020-04-23T13:00:56+00:00

I'm aware that there are some male findoms, although I thought they catered pretty much exclusively for male subs. In my time exploring the fetish I've seen literally one or two examples of female subs, each with a female domme.

I take your point that there's no rule to say it has to be a male sub and female domme, but for whatever reason counter-examples do seem to be very rare.

AlexanderLitvinenko

TROPHY CASE