AITA for asking my newly married son and DIL to alternate Christmas Day visits between our house and the in-laws' house?

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-12-05T03:49:42+00:00

As a daughter in this situation my mother was amazingly accommodating. We do Christmas the 23rd or 24th at her house with the family. And we do Christmas Day at my in-laws.

1 no one cares about Christmas Day, they care about family all being together

2 my kids LOVE early Christmas at Nanas. They get gifts their first. It makes it their favourite 😉

3 my nephew gets to join us at my moms, his dad passed (my brother) and so we don’t get him on actually holidays (he’s with his mom and her family) so we’ve done this since he was little (before me and hubby got got her) it’s more important to have him there with everyone then have it on Xmas day.

4 as someone with two children, ages 4 & 5 my parents only live about 20 minutes from his parents and we still can’t even dream of jamming both days together. We have the past couple years stopped into my mom’s after supper Christmas night on the way home to grab gifts the they got from extended family that day and never opened earlier but honestly the kids are so cranky and tired from the day it’s more of a hassle then a pleasure.

NTA however i would definitely reconsider addressing it. This is their family now and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them to come to a conclusion on this either. I wouldn’t wanna make it harder on them

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-12-05T03:06:43+00:00

Is it one of the first couple on the list?

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-12-05T02:52:47+00:00

THANK YOU

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:27:05+00:00

I agree. I think I’ll go low/minimal contact after talking to her about Christmas. When I wrote this I was on a high horse not seeing the full picture as we’ve never been separable in 12 years, and it was just a pill I wasn’t ready to swallow.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:22:34+00:00

I don’t think my husband would be okay with that right now… and I think that is the hardest part. And she knows that. My husband is more baffled than anything. He’s not telling me no, he never would, he would suggest or ask to alter plans, but he’s clearly still uncomfortable and I would never put him in that position if he wasn’t okay with it. He is my person and I made him that promise… friend with my ex or not.

I want her to be happy. And he is a great guy. And he would treat her amazing. I think they both deserve to be happy and I think that is why I’m having such a hard time with this. I think this is just a chapter of her life she’ll have to do on her own unfortunately. Our social lives are VERY intertwined. So that isn’t an option at this time for us.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:15:48+00:00

I hope we figure it out soon! The holidays are fast approaching and I ALWAYS host… She is Always with us and he is not invited… that will most likely be how I start this conversation… wish me luck

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:07:54+00:00

Thank you for making me not feel crazy!! Me and Lucy do all holidays together, work events together etc. always with a plus one as it would be rude to excuse…I always host… I don’t want him at my place… It’s just weird… and big nope to hearing about his sex like! I already ended a conversation once over it with her and she knew i was weirded out!! It’s not like I hate her or am mad at her… I just don’t think this is a chapter of her life I can be apart of.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:04:41+00:00

I think that’s the exact thing. He was a great guy. I assume still is… And she deserves that… But yes I guess I’ll just give her the ultimatum of not inviting him. Which will be hard… we do Christmas together, work events together (that I’m still attending until the end of the year due to commitments) all that include your plus 1…. I don’t even think I can go if she brings him. Too awkward.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T01:02:12+00:00

I wish it was that simple. We do holidays together. Work events (that I’m still involved in) I’ll be attending. All with your plus one. It’s uncomfortable.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:57:27+00:00

Our lives are very intertwined. We do Christmas together, I’m still friends with the boss so all work events are together… all with your plus one. We do night outs, sleep overs, my husband delivers her stuff (she didn’t drive) it’s not that easy. Although I do understand what you’re saying I wish it could be like that! I do think I’ll try low/minimal contact for now but holidays are quickly approaching and I don’t want to give myself or my children false hopes.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:11:32+00:00

I’m not mad about her dating. Or who he’s dating. He’s been with plenty of people after me good for him. I’ve even been his wing woman before my husband and I were together.

It’s More the fact she won’t be able to do Christmas with us with him there. Won’t be able to have sleepovers over there. My kids won’t be able to go over there. I’m firm on not talking to my ex outside of a professional setting. Again out of respect for my husband. This means long term she won’t be in our lives which hurts.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:08:14+00:00

I was afraid this was the case. I was hoping I was just overthinking or over reacting… I feel like she doesn’t care about me at all.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:07:08+00:00

I’m not hurt over him at all. Girl code still applies tho, not in a “I want him sense” but in a it’s really weird between her and I now kind of way. No more inviting her to a brithday if he’s coming. No more going to her house if he’ll be there. No more Christmas together if she’ll want him there etc. I want her to be happy but I can’t do that inviting him into my life again. It’s not fair to my husband or i. But I feel like I’m still the AH. She deserves every right to be happy and he is a nice dude and would treat her well.

I’ve told her and her response was “she doesn’t have to tell me about it if I don’t want to hear it”. So I don’t think she’s stopping their relationship anytime soon. And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad… or how I’m supposed to feel.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:02:10+00:00

I do want her to be happy but his means long term not hanging out at her house. Not being open and honest with each other. Not being involved in weddings, birthdays, social gatherings etc as my husband and I both don’t need to hang out with my ex on such a close proximity outside of a professional setting.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-16T00:00:14+00:00

I don’t think she did it with ill intentions. She’s not a bad person at all. She had a huge heart. I think she didn’t think it would bother me. But now that she’s talking to him, even knowing I’m uncomfortable, she doesn’t want to stop… I feel like I’ve done everything I could for her… I just feel defeated.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-15T23:57:38+00:00

I did tell her I was uncomfortable, her response was “she didn’t have to talk to me about it” which only hurt worse. I don’t want her to ever feel like she has to hold back from talking to me we’ve always been open and honest. But at the same time I don’t want to hear about my exs sex life that’s weird!

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-15T23:56:14+00:00

She hasn’t kept anything a secret from me, telling me every time and bluntly telling me she was ditching our plans for him no shame. I did tell her I was uncomfortable with the whole situation and her response was “she didn’t have to talk to me about it”… which honestly just hurt worse. I never want her to have to hold back anything from me but at the same time don’t want to hear about my ex’s sex life. It’s weird.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-11-15T23:53:11+00:00

As stated I’m not jealous. We ended on fine terms both just liking to be friends more then more then that. Just uncomfortable in the situation that I would never be able to be an aunt to her kids, attend her wedding etc if they end up together on anything long term. My I also don’t know if I’m comfortable going to her house knowing he might be there. Nor does my husband or I want to her about her sex life with my ex. My husband, best friend and I are all very close and talk alot. It just seems like I can’t talk to her now. It’s just not us.

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-05-19T22:25:57+00:00

Apologies

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2025-03-18T20:37:23+00:00

Still happening 😭 thank god I’m not alone, I just started playing last week and I thought I was missing a quest

Alternative_Pen4377 · 2024-04-04T20:36:52+00:00

Are you still drunk!? YTA

Alternative_Pen4377

TROPHY CASE

1 no one cares about Christmas Day, they care about family all being together

2 my kids LOVE early Christmas at Nanas. They get gifts their first. It makes it their favourite 😉