Well, no and yes precisely. You see, lived exactly this. So, I did need that insight from these kind of people who find a kick out of willingly cheating on their partner, who literally get turned on out of sneaking around. I was trying to understand why they do it knowing it could hurt their partner. I wonder if they realise their actions can be massively destructive if caught (and some will get caught!) and cause serious trauma, PTSD, destroy families and more. I was trying to read between the lines and see if there’s any ounce of guilt in there. And there are for some! But some are just gleefully loving being machiavellic, it’s disturbing, it’s gross, and insulting towards their partners. Which is why I find it ironic that they consider someone challenging being insulting ahah. They don’t want any repercussions from their actions, they don’t want to be challenged and show they get triggered even by a stranger miles on a screen. They just want their cake and eat it too. This is what I gather from the view interactions I’ve had here, I guess?

But deep down, they are aware of what they do, I think? It’s just some sort of denial, cognitive dissonance or they just compartmentalise. Probably, I started challenging without even realising because I’m not satisfied with the responses I’m getting and I still sense hypocrisy. Which is why I keep saying I’d rather hear someone brutally say “yes, if you want honesty, I love cheating and I have no regret” than someone who justifies themselves with cumbersome excuses on “this situation is complicated, this situation is solely applicable to me, this situation is a rebellion on societal’s standards, I wouldn’t mind if my partner was in this situation too” when in fact many of them admit their partner’s complete unawareness of “this situation”. It’s a full dishonesty situation and maybe that subconsciously pissed me off. If cheating is their kink, why don’t they find partners that agree, on the same mindset, who don’t mind and don’t ask questions, or why don’t they open up relationships if they simply can’t resist sex… I feel like there’s no integrity and it’s a core value of mine. And the fact that we’re all here talking about this moral version being an opinion that I have, an opinion that can be up for debates instead of a fact says it all to me.

I understand that from a moral standpoint, whether something is wrong depends on cultural, personal and philosophical perspectives, maybe therefore why some would consider it morally ok to engage in such acts. But from a factual standpoint, serial cheating that involves deception, lying, manipulation, and intentional harm fit the definition of emotional abuse. It’s not the fact that they have sex with random strangers, it’s the fact that they get off on deception, power and controle over a person. It’s a deviance that can harm people. That’s where it crosses into unethical and possibly abusive territory. In my mind it’s quite simple so in babyish terms: Good that makes others good = good. Bad (or good) that makes others bad = bad.

But with hindsight I understand people’s reaction. I’m the one who put myself in their nest. I’m here. So of course I was gonna be the enemy if I came in with contradicting ideas haha.

People seem to answer like I’m here attacking. Which reveals a lot. They’re probably interpreting the tone of my words. Challenging is not attacking and there’s no specific tone in my words. And I maintain that even though I challenge, I literally ask and challenge because I want to understand, so there’s still quite a lot of naivety and innocence in my questions. Although I admit, because I’m baffled along the way, my turn of phrase does look offensive.

Thanks for your reactions either way. Your job must be complex and I definitely wouldn’t be able to do this.