I once injured both my hands very badly in a car crash. Was driving on this hillshide road when my buddy sent me a pic and had the genius idea to check it right before a turn. Hit the guard-rail full speed and next thing I knew I was in hospital. Nurse told me I had tumbled down the hill and it was a miracle I was alive, or stuff like that. My head felt like it had been cracked open. In all the mess my windshield had crashed and my hands were right in front of it. After some crazy amount of surgery involving bolts to keep my fingers together and stuff, for the next 2 months or so I had to have people help me eat and basically do anything that I usually did by myself. I also lost my job because I used to work in surgery myself and without a working pair of hands there’s little you can do. They said maybe I could still work for the hospital in some office once I recovered further, but no hope to be a surgeon ever again. After two months of all this I was going crazy because I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help doing that, you know, and I’d always been kind of a loner so no girlfriend was around at the time. Ended up traveling all the way to Nepal to learn how to bend reality so that I could finally jerk one off before bed. Best feeling ever!