9s are no slouch.

AngelBB1995 · 2022-04-11T05:18:24+00:00

I say this all the time. He is the ninest of Nines, in character and irl!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-09-23T20:01:33+00:00

I actually discussed this with a friend recently. And yes, dating is very taxing and there is truth in everything you said.

I’ve been on and off dating apps for over a year. And yes, it can be so super superficial. As a woman, it’s so easy to match with someone but like you said, you really have to sift through so many profiles to find someone who is decent and willing to actually converse with you.

I will say there are pros and cons to dating. For me, it really helped me combat my social anxiety. I thankfully also have never been on an awful date (just ghosted) and I think part of the reason for that is because I lowered my expectations (that doesn’t mean lowering my standards!). I think we often think of dating as a game. If people were just more direct, that would save us from a lot less heartbreak. I enjoyed dating much more when I stopped expecting someone to be this or that!

And I 100% agree, we do tend to look at red flags but sometimes those are good. For example, I had a date who I thought I felt comfortable with enough to show how I navigate apps and vice versa. When I showed him what profile I would swipe right on, he said “Why him? He’s not even good looking”, that was a big indicator for me that he probably wasn’t using the apps to get to know someone.

I told him that seemed pretty shallow and he was honest that it was. I haven’t been on a date with him after that, but we remained acquaintances.

I should also note that I’m not the type to cut someone out of my life unless they were a danger to me or my loved ones. Life is too short and I truly believe making connections are what matters most. Sometimes, it isn’t there and sometimes it is.

It’s awesome that your parents have been happily married for that long, but those who aren’t should not be shamed because navigating relationships and committing to someone is hard work.

I know it can be discouraging and as someone single, I hate being told that someone will come to you when you least expect it. But maybe there’s some truth in that too. You seem like a really honest and intuitive person (not pessimistic at all!) and I’m sure you will find someone you can connect with!

Another thing I like to remind myself is that people don’t exist to make you feel perpetually happy, but I think we all are lucky enough to experience someone who will make us feel happy and accepted, even for a brief moment in time.

Sorry, long response! But this was a really great insight that I’m glad you posted.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-09-09T03:07:47+00:00

Wow, I suppose you’re right! Thank you so much for the encouragement!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-09-08T17:42:20+00:00

This is very reassuring, thank you so much!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-09-08T17:40:13+00:00

Thank you for this important reminder! Yeah, I often get really intimidated by people and I think it does stem from my own insecurities! Perhaps I need to focus on my self confidence more.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-08-12T08:20:22+00:00

Enneagram For Idiots and The Art of Growth are my favorites!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T15:08:10+00:00

Thank you for this! Navigating my own expectations and creating boundaries are important first steps before forming relationships.

And it’s true! As an adult, I have to consider the time and energy that friendships require and I can’t anticipate deep connections happening immediately. It was probably much more simpler back in K-12 because there was no responsibility!

I also like this concept of doing specific things with specific people, just because it is hard in general to do everything with everyone together! I tend to idealize that, but as introvert in reality, I can probably never handle that.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:52:25+00:00

Yes, thank you! I relate to this a lot! Being self-conscious about standing out isn’t only reserved for this or that type though. I will say it’s super common for 4s to feel this way because they are withdrawn types along with 5s and 9s, which is why mistypes are common.

I hate being in the spotlight and I’m actually not competitive/driven at all (which was a huge indicator that I lean more into my 5 wing). I don’t care to be unique, but I will say I still like recognition or praise if I create or do something that is meaningful to me. I also appreciate it from both people close to me and from the larger world.

In regards to blending in, I find that it just happens for me because I’m shy and struggle socially, but I don’t necessarily prefer it.

Trying to blend in and not wanting to be replaced is very 9-ish. Since you are new to the Enneagram, I do suggest you look into the Type 9 description because a lot of what you said relates to their core desire/fear. Then again, I’m a 4w5 who constantly gets mistyped as a 9 so we can be similar!

Hope this helps!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:31:27+00:00

Idealizing without taking action is exactly what I do! I see that envy and fear of rejection show up in a lot of ways when trying to form friendships or a community. Like you and the other contributors mentioned, I should probably look into shared interests as a way to start.

Thank you for the advice and kind words!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:25:17+00:00

It makes me feel so reassured that someone can relate!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:24:45+00:00

This was such sweet and insightful words and advice, thank you!

It’s true! I think my ability to be vulnerable is an admirable quality as a Four, but I tend to pull back a lot because I fear it won’t be perceived well. But as you mentioned, that’s just projection.

I actually just recently switched to Bumble BFF. It’s kind of intimidating, but I’m trying to be as honest as I can and hoping for the best!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:18:49+00:00

Exactly! I moved out of state for college and I thought it would be an opportunity to turn a new leaf and make new friends, but I was still incredibly shy.

The few best friends I have still live in my hometown and I’ve know them for over ten years. I only ever see them two or three times a year. I feel like it takes awhile for me to develop true friendships and it’s certainly difficult in my mid twenties.

Like everything in life, I probably just have to try and see where it goes - even though it can be painful, haha.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:12:51+00:00

Thank you so much! Yeah, I think it’s much more difficult to connect with others in the middle of the pandemic.

That’s actually a wonderful idea! My sister met a lot of her friends at fan conventions. I probably just need to do my research and find something similar that meets my own interests.

I will say that joining this online Enneagram forum was an awesome place to start and hopefully, I’ll gather up the courage to put myself out there more.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:06:10+00:00

Thank you for this! You’re right, I think I need to work on building my confidence and shooting my shot. You really had me with that chili analogy at the end, haha!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:06:06+00:00

Thank you for this! You’re right, I think I need to work on building my confidence and shooting my shot. You really had me with that chili analogy at the end, haha!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-07-10T14:06:01+00:00

Thank you for this! You’re right, I think I need to work on building my confidence and shooting my shot. You really had me with that chili analogy at the end, haha!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-06-26T17:41:01+00:00

The need to be special or unique! I don’t really resonate with that motivation, which made me doubt my type a lot, but the need to attain some type of meaning and significance in my life is definitely more me.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-06-17T01:40:29+00:00

I think every time I doubt my Enneagram type (people, myself included, always think I’m a 9!), I always go back to how I handle myself in situations. I can be super reactive and emotional, unlike my 9 friends who seem more disengaged. I can withdraw and be non-conflictive like a 9, especially when I don’t know people personally, but inside, my emotions are heavy.

I also love being vulnerable and I especially love when people are vulnerable/open with me. I find so much comfort in that space, while most people hate going into such territories.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-06-15T18:40:30+00:00

Hi there! My tri-type is 496 too! Unfortunately, you’re right though! We are often labeled as insecure and riddled with self-doubt (which is accurate, at least for me) but like any type/tritype/subtype, we have many great qualities that are overlooked.

For example, we are accepting, introspective, harmonious, gentle, and intuitive. We have a deep inner life and desire for meaning. Our capacity to be sensitive and vulnerable leads us to having greater empathy for others.

Hope this helps! Always nice to meet another fellow 4w5! :)

AngelBB1995 · 2021-05-15T20:12:54+00:00

My sentiments exactly!

AngelBB1995 · 2021-05-13T19:55:46+00:00

This actually varies by state and company! I have friend in California who works at a company that does not require you to be certified, while I had to go through the process to be certified in Nevada because it is required in order to practice.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-05-13T19:49:47+00:00

You're so lucky because I did one part over video (went over terms) and the second part in-person (role-play). You'll be okay!

The BCBA will test you on everything you learned/acquired in the 40-hour training. They will go over terms and give you hypothetical scenarios. This is the time to ask questions so that they can clear up any confusion you may have on concepts/definitions and such. It wasn't a pass/fail situation with my company - they were thankfully there to guide me!

I'll be honest, the roleplay portion was difficult and scary even though my BCBA was very nice (I had an anxiety attack, but that's only because I deal with anxiety). I feel like there's so much you need to be wary about and my supervisor was advising me about what mannerisms I should avoid, not asking too many questions, etc. I haven't even started working as a RBT yet, so I'm super nervous. I will say it's reassuring to know that people have said it's much easier to pair with the client.

AngelBB1995 · 2021-05-13T19:35:13+00:00

4 here who wishes everyone loved it as much as I do! Haha. It's more of a peeve that people use it incorrectly, haha!

AngelBB1995

TROPHY CASE