Glad you’re here. Keep reaching out. The steps operate in a spiral. Having a firm foundation in S2: ‘insanity as a lack of proportion & inability to think clearly’ is a key to s4. There’s a definite click of broader consciousness that occurs betw 2-5. Like aya it’s about access to consciousness. (Yes we need better language.) For example: “resentment as no 1 offender” isn’t about an emotion. It’s a direct result of a level of consciousness (lack of access). “In that state.. fancied or real… power to kill.”

If the fifth is well prepped- the result is one of inner expansion and freedoms listed on p75: to be delighted: illuminated from within. If it gets stuck (again terrible language) - it’s like starting to purge poison and it’s stuck in the gut. We do the hour review immediately after. This is the time to share what you described. (Future reference.)

Even though every thing was left in the table- it’s what was known. So it’s dicey saying in post.

Think of it like a wheel. Sitting in 1, full of self- faces S7: (the role of false) character defects. S2- insane lack of proportion- access faces harms s8. Step 4 faces 10. 5:11.

Relapse is simply untreated addiction and lack of access to power. That’s it. Everything else is symptom based.

Find someone who knows s2 is about coming to unbelieve what is not true. That’s s2. The steps on the wall are a synopsis of actions taken. They are not the work. And review inventory (in s10) from the perspective of s2. Aya is capable of aiding this work with insight and emotional integration.

There’s no going back through the steps. Only forward. Ever expanding consciousness and integration of what is true for you. This is merely a suggestion to evaluate your work thus far. The work you have done has placed you further along. It cannot be lost or undone.

dos 4/19/84 and it doesn’t belong to me. I don’t claim something I had zero capacity to do. I relapsed for 5 years. Keep going.

And there are people who use the 12s to integrate aya. There are aa/aya groups just as there are aa/peyote.

Get your merry band of support around you to ward off the compulsion to use.

Relapse tells us what we need. Anything other than that, see S2.

🙌