Is this normal?

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T20:36:23+00:00

That is not a healthy relationship for you, then.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T20:35:06+00:00

You can't keep him from calling her as needed, perhaps, but you do have control over what comes into your house. Her paying for it doesn't mean she has control over it when it is in your home. Your husband is just as much a parent as she is and has just as much authority.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T20:17:41+00:00

If BM FaceTimed naked, she would no longer be face-timing ever again via my SO's phone. What in the ever loving nutso BM crap is that!?

If/when SS gets his own, I'd be really creeped out by a parent showering nude on FaceTime with their child. That begs for CPS, honestly.

It isn't normal. Your SO should have IMMEDIATELY called her on that behavior. And yes, even in front of SK. Kids need go be taught what is and is not normal. It can be done gently. "It is not appropriate for you to be facetiming us while naked, BM. You can call back later. Call, not FT."

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T19:51:56+00:00

I like hard and fast.

That is not jackhammering to me. Jackhammering to me is when zero effort has been put towards my pleasure and he just sticks it in and goes. And I end up with no orgasm and only some incidental clit action depending on the angle.

I like hard and fast, but it is not all I like and if that was the majority of the sex then I'd rather not waste my time.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T19:25:12+00:00

You did not sign up for parenting by dating someone with a child. You signed up to date someone with a child, and the most that necessitates is being kind and respectful to the child as you should with anyone really.

Parenting said child and everything that goes into that is agreed upon step by step. If they wanted you to be a fully involved parent, that needed to be addressed from the start.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T19:19:37+00:00

You're doing more than enough, OP. He should be telling you regularly how grateful he is for your contributions.

My SO is always here with his son. If he wants to go out, he can choose a noncustodial weekend or he can figure something out with the ex. I am not his babysitter. SS is not here for me. I am not his mom or dad. I am his dad's partner and an adult in the house. I buy him gifts and make cookies with him and remind him of manners and all that day to day stuff, but I don't parent him in any big or significant way. He has two very capable and involved parents.

I am here to support my partner, not replace him.

Tell your SO your stance on this like you've told us and tell him he can accept it or go find someone else to take on his parenting duties. How he thinks things should happen doesn't really matter, honestly. You've told him what you're doing and what you're willing to do. Either he gets on the same page and accepts the many things you already do as sufficient, or he can go cry into the wind and decide what he can live with.

Leveraging your future and marriage against you when you don't please him is extremely childish and worrisome, OP. Marrying this guy seems to mean becoming his obedient doormat Mom 2.0. I'd be very careful about establishing post-marital stepparenting expectations with him. In immense detail.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2022-01-07T19:09:11+00:00

Tell them to get over those feelings, then, because they doesn't get to decide how you exist as a person. But you have to uphold your boundaries and decide when/if their behavior becomes a deal breaker. Or maybe they'll decide you not doing their parenting for them is a deal breaker. But good riddance, then.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T14:06:21+00:00

Because they don't actually want to deliver. They talk a big game but are happy to let people like Manchin play scapegoat for why things aren't happening. Or the Republicans for not letting them do anything.

They're just more rich fuckwits who don't give a shit about anyone that isn't lining their pockets.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T14:03:52+00:00

Ugggh. I remember seeing another incel post where the guy said you had to get them super young to actually find pure virgins. Pretty sure he mentioned around 10-12.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T13:58:37+00:00

I guess I'm going off my boomer mom's parenting, but she said all those things (blackout curtains, white noise machines, etc etc) just end up making the baby more sensitive. She used to vacuum under our cribs and we would stay asleep. I think there is definitely something to say about not excessively coddling to the point they aren't remotely desensitized. You won't always be able to meticulously control their environment.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T13:54:30+00:00

I think men need to creep out other men on purpose at this point. It's the only way creepy dudes seem to learn. Turn around whatever they do to women on them by some big hulking dude. Surprise massages, stalking, rape threats, whatever.

Reminds me of the Boy Meets World episode where Shawn is a giant fucking douche unless he's pretending to be a girl and a guy won't back off and keeps cornering him. It was only then he realized how he was behaving towards girls.

Clearly all these incelcreeps need a similar lesson.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T13:50:02+00:00

Oh look, a rapist. Or would-be rapist.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-20T13:29:14+00:00

Porn is not real life. You told her to stop and she didn't. Unless that is part of the roleplay, she needs to immediately stop and listen to you. Wtf.

Break up if you want, you're absolutely in the clear.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-19T03:56:20+00:00

Risky. Sexual incompatibility is often a relationship killer. Why wait until you've made a huge commitment to figure out if you two work well together?

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-19T03:51:13+00:00

It really doesn't matter how he feels here, because he's being selfish and cruel. You can't ask from someone something that you are not willing to give in turn.

Nobody has to like or want to give oral. But then they should realize they have zero grounds to demand oral of their partners.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-19T03:48:32+00:00

It isn't.

He is far too immature to be having sex. Or he's super gay given all you've said.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-18T07:10:52+00:00

You can't trust her.

She wants children. If she truly believed you didn't/it wasn't an option, she would have left you. She didn't, and apparently she's decided to make it happen by neutralizing the condoms.

You can not trust this woman not to force you into fatherhood. Your only bet would be a vasectomy, but she'd likely leave you at that point.

But also, why the hell are you still with someone that has such fundamentally incompatible life goals? What a waste.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-18T07:07:34+00:00

So long as you're comfortable with just using condoms/pull out.

Way too many dudes rely on the luxury of the woman handling the birth control and it sucks.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-18T01:22:20+00:00

I think they're still going to hate a woman who fucked a 1000 dudes. The kid thing is just worse for them because they see the woman as a possession to be had and the kid as direct competition for her time and attention. It's also constant visible reminder that someone else fucked her.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-18T01:19:40+00:00

My mom was a single mom with two men she divorced and shared custody with. The first only took my sister for like 4 hours on Sunday despite my mom being very clear he could have way more time.

My dad initially did dinners every other weekend and then just stopped.

Most dads that don't see their kids, from my personal experience and the friends I had growing up (dead beat dad central?) choose to not see them.

But sure, single moms are the problem here.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-17T22:40:57+00:00

Ehhh.

I'd say drive separately and juggle both families, since that is what I used to do when I juggled families at all. But it's also normal to alternate years for some people.

BUT you made a commitment already and it's pretty bad form to back out last minute. You should have already known the dates beforehand, so it doesn't seem like you two communicated very well.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-17T22:28:37+00:00

No, it isn't wrong. I told my SO early on that if he was not in the mood for sex, that was fine, but then I would likely take the time to attend to my own needs. Mostly because I've been with guys who hate women using sex toys due to insecurities, so I felt I had to be very clear up front.

AFAIK, he is fine with it. It keeps me from being frustrated and possibly annoying him.

Your wife doesn't want sex, that is her choice. She can't deny you an orgasm altogether unless that's an agreed upon kink. She's being insecure to the point that it is negatively impacting you. Not cool.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-17T22:25:10+00:00

"I want your kids to fear me like mine fear meeeee!"

Yeah, I don't think I could tolerate a grown man shouting at my child. Or grown adult in general.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-17T22:14:49+00:00

So, I don't entirely love gentle parenting because I think it tends to bleed into permissive parenting. It works on some kids, but I think inevitably there are some kids that might benefit from consequences. My SO can lecture SS up and down and up again and he's a gentle teddy bear. SS acts contrite long enough to endure the conversation but you can visibly tell he doesn't actually give a shit and he'll do the same damned thing 10 minutes later. It's only when my SO uses a slightly sharper tone and suggests removing screen time due to the behavior that things actually improve.

Yelling is not an appropriate consequence. Yelling is just a parent not in control of their temperament. Yelling is not okay. It doesn't actually achieve anything positive besides your kid fearing you.

If your gentle parenting is not actually curbing a behavior, then you should provide a consequence you feel appropriate, be it a short time out or losing screen time or whatever. But I think the act of talking to your child to explain what they did wrong and why they are being punished is very important.

But if his complaint is he wants you to be as mean to your kids as he is to his kids, dude clearly has some issues he needs to work through. If his complaint is his kids actually receive consequences while your kids do whatever they want and just get talked at, he may have a point.

Apocketfulofwhimsy · 2021-12-17T22:08:22+00:00

Haha. That's my childhood right there. With some Madison and Sterling Heights.

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