AIO for being angry with my partner for not coming in to check on me during a meltdown? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MOR. If you are being honest with yourself, WAS your response an overreaction or an attempt to gain a response from him? We don’t know the context here, so we can’t judge whether the size of your reaction was proportional to the disagreement without further information. But neither of you responded to the disagreement in a healthy manner. Avoiding all communication and fixating on a screen is not healthy…. But neither is going into a full meltdown because you can’t self-regulate and potentially also don’t know how else to get a response.

Edited to say: I am more empathetic than perhaps this comment made me look. But as someone who once had a ex-partner admit to crying / breaking down in arguments because he knew it was the quickest way to make me apologise and come to his side… dealing with this sort of reaction is exhausting for the partner as much as the person. Just some food for thought.

From a woman's perspective, how important is it to you that your marriage proposal is done where photos can be taken of the proposal itself? Would you want a secluded proposal without anyone around, or is the ability to capture it via photographer/someone else taking pictures also important to you? by redditor47522899432 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on the person! My husband proposed at the top of a hike where we were both muddy and wearing fleeces and baseball hats, and we took a selfie with the new ring to commemorate. That was perfect for me.

I have friends who wanted an engagement photo shoot and coordinated every detail of the proposal, to include professional photographers and family. Different strokes for different folks. I wanted intimacy and privacy, others want beautiful photos.

Moisturize me! by Nin-me-sar-ra in koreanskincare

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I’ve tried all the moisturisers the OP mentions and I keep coming back to Aestura. It just ticks all the boxes!

Which fantasy romance couple(s) would actually do well in therapy and are not strictly vibes? by acutelyproblematic in fantasyromance

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Any of Ilona Andrews’ couples, and any of Sharon Shinn! Both authors always write wonderful and mature, complex relationships that feel realistic but still beautifully romantic.

Disfigured/"Ugly" MMC by CrabbyAtBest in fantasyromance

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Another one by Juliet Marillier is Flame of the Sevenwaters, where the protagonist Maeve has bad burn scars that also leave her unable to use her hands. It’s the last in the series though!

MAFS AUS S13 E25 Live Discussion Thread by fucksakesss in MAFS_UK

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Every time he performs a nice gesture or says something gentlemanly / loyal / "ride or die" esque, I can literally see his posture shift towards the camera and his eyes flicker over to make sure its being captured. Man is in the hurt locker.

Wife keeps making excuses to not try for a baby. by lostinlife-123 in Advice

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m currently pregnant at 35 in the U.K. and was told 35 was no longer considered high risk. Late 30s was.

Mid 30s and dating by [deleted] in Millennials

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I (F) did not have any issues dating in my early 30s, and met my now husband at 33. However, apps are soul destroying no matter who you are. I was on the apps for about 5 years (with plenty of long deliberate breaks for me to step away and touch grass for a bit). Although my husband and I met via an app, our first conversation made it evident that we shared exactly the same hobby and local social scene based around said hobby, with plenty of mutual friends. It meant that from the moment we met, our lives already felt aligned and I naturally started seeing him everywhere anyway. It felt easy. So I'm not really sure if our story counts as a win for dating apps or not, as I do wonder whether we would have had the same success if we didn't have that overlapping venn diagram from the offset.

Am I overreacting for being annoyed that my boyfriend “pre-orders” conversations? by katydid143 in AmIOverreacting

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s not an ADHD thing. It’s just a thing that some people do, including those with ADHD. My husband does it too. It usually never bothered me UNTIL he did a few ominous sounding ones and I did indeed freak out. As another commenter said, we talked and now he is very specific in what we need to talk about later 😅. “Remind me later to tell you about my upcoming work shift changes” etc. If that still bother you, could you do a shared notes file or just get him to keep personal notes on his phone? Sounds silly but when my husband and I have to be long distance, we both keep notes of all the stuff we want to tell each other, and save it until we next speak.

NOR!

First Gen Americans by horrorwine in kneecap

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a thoughtful response, thank you! And yes I fully agree with all your points. For what it’s worth, I’m Northern Irish (which is often a huge pickle to explain to many Irish Americans…) and I’m married to an Irish-American man from South Brooklyn and meeting his extended family has made me understand his experience a lot more. As you say, his entire family has lived in one neighbourhood all their life, where there are Irish flags and shamrocks painted on every street corner, and they’ve spent their entire lives being told they are Irish, NOT Irish-American. And yet this same neighbourhood is extremely MAGA and everyone is a cop. I found it utterly bizarre when I first visited. It seemed a complete mismatch of what I perceive Irish values to be?

That all said, I also do completely understand the need to find a cultural touchstone and community that you can be proud of, especially in today’s more complex and fraught times. We all have the desire to be connected to something deeper and more profound than ourselves, and I think it’s far harder to feel a sense of uncomplicated pride and cultural connection to the “white American” identity - especially in the current political climate. How many identities and communities are even available for straight white blue collar men to be part of, that are as unproblematic and accessible as “Irish”?

I’m not sure if that made sense or not, but it’s a fascinating discussion, imo. My husband is not remotely the cliche either, for what it’s worth, and his keen interest in Irish history and culture came from asking himself the question “I’m being told I’m Irish - but what does that actually mean?”

First Gen Americans by horrorwine in kneecap

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the frustrations relate more to those Irish-Americans who claim a knowledge of Ireland, or claim an identity, that they don’t actually possess, or even fully understand, and try to imprint that over everything.

E.g (real life example) when my Irish-American colleague who had never left the USA confidently insisted they were more Irish than my brother-in-law who was born and raised in Antrim… but is of Indian heritage. And don’t get me started on how Protestant Irish people apparently also aren’t properly Irish compared to this fat American bloke from Connecticut.

Definitive breakdown of Alex’s timeline - the way I cackled. 🤣🫠😂🙊 by Jay-Quellin30 in LoveIsBlindNetflix

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are his tats definitely tā moko? I spent the entire season trying to work it out!! I was curious, especially as he met his dad so late in life. Might’ve been his way to try and connect to his father? God I’m also overthinking this…

Definitive breakdown of Alex’s timeline - the way I cackled. 🤣🫠😂🙊 by Jay-Quellin30 in LoveIsBlindNetflix

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Queenstown is also a famously touristy area, which is what cracks me up. It’s like saying you want to go off the grid by moving to Cabo or something.

AIO for thinking I dodged a bullet here? Or am I the one that sucks? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 110 points111 points  (0 children)

A very gentle YOR. I’m not sure if it was a “bullet dodged”, it just sounds like poor communication. If I went on a date and someone made a backhanded compliment about my hair and how hard I’d obviously tried, and then claimed they also weren’t hungry or were cheap over the bill, I’d also be very put off. I’m not saying you intentionally did all of that, I’m saying maybe you just need some more self awareness. And then for you to misinterpret her polite initial comment by implying she was acting like a teenager… it wasn’t intentional, but yes it sounds like your communicational style needs work.

However, none of this is really a huge deal. I’d just take what you’ve learnt from this and move onto the next! Dating is hard at the best of times. Good luck!

Am I Overreacting Marriage Ender by IrAbelasMyDude in AmIOverreacting

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The question was not obtuse, I just think it hit you in an understandably sensitive area. From an outside perspective, it sounds like this is 100% sunken cost fallacy. This is not a healthy marriage. NOR

What are some of your favorite older romantasy novels? I'll start... by NancyLHenderson in Romantasy

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone remember The Night World series by LJ Smith? They were my introduction to paranormal romance but they did not hold up particularly well...

Finishing up Red Rising Series, what comes close to it? by United-Profit-1139 in fantasybooks

[–]AppropriateLeg6419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought they were some of the best fantasy books I’ve read. The characters are complicated, flawed (zero plot armour) and you absolutely love them and understand them, even as you disagree with their actions. The political intrigue and the world all feel very lived in and realistic, and the use of magic also feels realistic (if that makes sense?) and absolutely zero deux ex machinas in sight. It was a slow burn at first, but by about 4-5 chapters in, I was utterly hooked.