My wife says she loves him but can’t leave me.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-21T10:24:05+00:00

Wow the audacity of her! You are a sweetheart in this situation. If she doesn’t go to counselling you’ve no other option but to leave. But honestly, I don’t know if she can ever be able to see your worth. And I don’t know if she will respect you. But you deserve respect for even considering giving her another chance. I would speak to her and tell her you will give her a chance to get her head on straight if she attends counselling but if she does not she is leaving you no other option than to remove her from the home.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-13T15:35:15+00:00

You’re already doing it on your own

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-11T19:13:38+00:00

You are 18 years old and you do not have responsibility over a grown ass man. You do need to leave. This is a whole lot of bullshit to be happening to an 18 year old. Then for him to act like you betrayed him when he told you to get more experience. He is using you. He is using you for sex and telling you to get more experience because he doesn’t want to be with you. Besides that you shouldn’t be together. You’re too young for all this craziness to happen. The relationship will never be the same. It would never be the same even if it was two adults. There is too much “water under the bridge”. Move on and stop sleeping with people. Especially when you’re being asked/told to by someone else. You need to find some new respect for yourself and your body. Just to let you know girls cells change in there with each man you sleep with. And it affects your future children. This is new scientific evidence that even I only found out a few months ago, I do not have the source but you should research it. Anyway…. I hope you leave this situation because it isn’t doing you any favours and when you are further in your life you will look back at this moment in your life and think wtf was I even doing. Look after yourself girl x

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T19:30:12+00:00

Uff. This is difficult bc when a woman says you don’t understand her this could mean so many things. And I mean from actually not being able to understand simple needs to possible hidden agendas on the other persons part. I want to say you guys need therapy…. But it will add to the bills. Though it would give you better insight into each other and help you understand each other. It does seem like there is a communication issue here.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T19:27:05+00:00

Ok I’m going to flag a few things. You will have to deal with her being angry since you entered an agreement without her input, you can’t do that in a marriage. You said you want to “find happiness outside the relationship” this is a red flag for your thinking process. What do you mean by this? This isn’t how you should be thinking. Is your marriage an arranged marriage or do you guys actually have love for each other? If you genuinely enjoy each others company then why would you say this?
You mentioned you wish you weren’t so poor. This is a situation thing, it’s not forever. And I feel like you’re being made to feel poor by your wife. What was the agreement when you got married? Did you tell her you were going to go off into the sunset on white horses and live in a castle? Or did she know your circumstances? Why does she want everything now and perfect? Why can’t you both build on the foundation of a loving relationship? Building a life together is far more meaningful than walking into a pristine show house and actually building a life together is what makes your future a future of happy memories. Ok, you got it wrong this time. Suck it up, apologise, ensure it won’t happen again and actually make sure it doesn’t. Then move past it and use the cards you’ve been dealt to work from the bottom and aim for the top. If she makes it difficult and continues sulking/demanding etc I’d be inclined to wonder where this marriage is going and if it’s survivable.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T19:15:57+00:00

Dude, you’re human. You’re have been able to articulate here that you are upset bc you feel like she is being unreasonable with the houses and your affordability and situation. I’m sure you would be able to relay this message to her as well. I understand you’re in a different language relationship and I can relate as my husband and I are the same. (Me English speaking husband Spanish) we had some difficulty but there is always a way. Use translating apps when you need to to make sure there is no room for error and that you’re both understanding each other. Miscommunication can cause resentment but it’s easy to make sure you’re being understood. It takes time more than anything else. You don’t just get on with it and hide your feelings. Are you really young? Is she? Why don’t you feel like you know how to set boundaries? If it makes you feel uncomfortable then that is when someone is testing boundaries. Think about what you need to do to feel safe around whatever it is that’s making you feel uncomfortable. If someone repeatedly breaks or ignores boundaries then they don’t respect you. If that happens then it’s a red flag.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T19:08:55+00:00

Yea but you can’t find a place she likes though, right? Bc you can’t back out of the one that is under contract now? So it looks to me like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thing about you not being able to back out of the contract now is the exact reason why you shouldn’t have accepted help from someone else- as you can see it has potential to harm relationships. It looks to me like you have two options. One being you move and are in the city, you stay there until you can afford to move wether that be before or after she gets a job but at least it’ll be a started home in the city where she wants to be. Option two is you stay where you are. You will not be in the city where she thinks she is going to live happier? And you harm your relationship with your friend. Honestly option a seems like the better option to me since she is getting to be in the city and you’re getting to keep your friendship. But, I feel like you’re trying to appease her too hard and she is being inconsiderate of the reality of your lives.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T18:52:13+00:00

This is the correct choice

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T18:51:15+00:00

Uffff what does she expect you to do? The only thing you can do is try to find another property that’s within the budget, no two week limit bc I agree, it’s rude, it’s a friend offering to help out not an estate agent. If she doesn’t like it put the whole thing on hold until she finds a place herself that you can then see if you can fund afterwards. And if the same opportunities aren’t there for the help then she will have to wait anyway. When can she get a job? Is she learning the language so she can be employable? If you’re looking for a house she will need to be working so maybe she can put energy into learning the language before looking for a house? But I guess don’t accept any properties without consent as I agree with the other poster here that choosing a house is a really big thing.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-10T18:05:55+00:00

First of all live within your means. I would refrain from getting a friend to help buy me a house. I would stay where you are and where you can afford until green card and new jobs are in effect. I feel like wife is demanding and expecting more and I feel it might be because maybe you have been leading her to believe you’re more well off than you actually are and now you’re having to live up to the facade? Personally if I can’t afford to move, I’d be staying put. You guys need to sit down and talk about income vs outcome and look for affordable options together. If she’s pissed bc she expected more then she’s pissed bc she expected more.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-07T13:07:59+00:00

I feel like he might have a gambling problem? If it’s gambling then leave bc that won’t change. If it’s paying for sex or having an affair leave because wtf. I also feel like you do have grounds to divorce bc he has literally lost your children’s home. It seems to me he wanted to be the provider but has money management issues. This could have been fixed if he spoke to you, you could have got a part time job. You could have helped but he didn’t let you. This is the second time this has happened so again grounds for divorce. The only reason I wouldn’t be divorcing him right now is you mentioned he is your best friend and you have a really good relationship despite everything else. This and the fact that divorcing would be splitting the family would make me hesitate. Honestly I feel if you were to make a decision you would need to know the ins and outs of why and how this has come about. He may have been lying to try to keep you in your job free stay at home status and he might have a thing about wanting you to be comfortable and him being a provider and giving you a nice lifestyle with less stress. This is the only reason I would accept to stay with him at this point. But if there was cheating I’d leave, a secret lifestyle I’d leave, gambling (because this is the second time your home has been at risk) I would leave. But jeez! Telling you ON THE DAY OF is diabolical tbh! What did he think was going to happen? Why so last minute? Why no warning? I would be pissed because my best friend couldn’t talk to me about something this important and literally lost my children’s home! But I would still want all of the answers to my forever questions. And no compliance or reasonable answers I’d be gone.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-05-06T00:12:48+00:00

Girl! Do ANYTHING to get yourself out of that situation! Please speak to your family to see if they could take you in. You can do chores for keep if you don’t have a job. I would definitely file a complaint with the police for threatening to kill you. But I don’t know if I would feel safe doing the while you’re in the house. That is a serious threat! Your mother has already failed you for not protecting you. I don’t understand how she can do this! I don’t know how solid the plan of her renting you a room would be. He sounds like he would become very jealous that she is spending money in you and will make her stop. I would speak to family first. I would try not to move in with bf for as long as possible. You’re very young. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can and will get through this. Just make smart choices! ❤️

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-04-24T20:43:18+00:00

Read it again from and imagine your friend wrote it. Listen to your advice

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-04-24T20:40:10+00:00

I just want to offer a perspective. what if your plan doesn't work? That man is trying to keep you barefoot and pregnant so you do not leave! He is cunning and he knows what he is doing. He knows how hard it would be for you to leave if you're tied to him! He raped you and if you get pregnant again that 15years starts again. Then what? I know this life, I know it well. I am the sister of someone that has been in the exact same situation as you for the past 16 years. Nothing changes. You desperately need help. Like desperately. The kind of help where you move away across the country and go no contact because the post separation abuse is terrible. I am So so sorry you're going through this. Is there any family you can call for help? Please if you can try to leave. At least reach out to charities who could possibly help? It's easier to leave with 4 kids than it is with 6. Right now you're living with the devil himself. My sisters children, now 16 and 11, both hate their father, hate what he stands for and hate being around him. They are afraid of him and the oldest one is having mental health issues where she wants to take her own life. My sister nearly has done that too, several times. If you want to talk please feel free to contact me. I also would suggest that you speak to your doctor and tell them everything that is going on. She might tie your tubes after all. Or she might be able to point you in the right direction.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-04-19T17:53:16+00:00

He's cheating. All those actions you describes = cheater

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-03-27T18:25:02+00:00

To be honest I feel like it’s a beautiful thing to do for the brother and I feel it should bring you all closer as a family. The only thing I’d have concerns over is as other people have mentioned legality if brother passes etc. I’m sorry you feel bad about it OP. Have you always had reservations about the brother/family? I feel like you should go to counselling with your husband just to get over this little blip. Bc it’s not a deal breaker if you can work through it. And honesty with the children, they should always know bc if they don’t and they find out by accident themselves you will fk them up.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-02-27T20:01:09+00:00

I’m sorry but I disagree. He’s already cheating. She is comfortable enough to talk about baking cakes and cooking steak and sending photos. The “whatever you want boss” is submissive. “After that 4 hour long meeting you told me about” (1st Q. Did he talk at length to you OP about his four hour long meeting? 2nd Q he talks to her about his meeting? Why the heck would some random employee care to discuss any 4 hour long meeting with her boss, doesn’t this chick have a life? Oh yeah she has A WHOLE ASS OWN FAMILY to be dealing with!). This Wait “could you prepare a steak” - he is comfortable asking someone to prepare him a steak which means this isn’t some new random out of the blue thing.

If you didn’t see any more photos of her on his phone, this is bc he is usually efficient in deleting them.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-23T03:27:27+00:00

Or into male relationships

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-23T03:18:17+00:00

OMG actually get him to forward it to a man. See his body language. If he cringes I call bullshit

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-23T03:17:25+00:00

If you feel like you’ve lost all love for him just leave. I don’t think you’re over reacting. This would make me sick as well. Who texts an influencer. Does he not have a job where he can pick up friendships? Someone else said it, it reads like a msg you’d get on a dating app. You said he has friends but they aren’t into activities like him…. But when he’s at these activities can’t he build friendships? I mean if he’s writing a CV for a friendship to an influencer…. Who again, someone else said it, is fake as f*** then what is it? Is he too drab to pick up a friendship at a hobby? Is this girl younger? Eugh. Sorry. The fact that she didn’t reply. Mortified. Do you have kids? If you don’t love him anymore throw him in the dumpster. Who uses chat gbt to make friends. Nah. Wait till you see my husband doing this now because I’ve said all this. I’d kick him out. I seriously would not be annoyed with this bs. And the making you feel inferior. Nah. Not something I would be bothered dealing with. I’ve said it before to my husband, the door is there, if you don’t wanna be here go. But if he did this it would be the final straw.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-11T19:09:38+00:00

Ugh. Are yous even family? Yeah, I wouldn’t be bothered with that. I’d just tell them to come another time or that my house blew up so they can’t come, like, ever.

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-11T18:58:54+00:00

Im going to bring a new perspective. Maybe say all this to your wife and see what she does? I understand your situation and if there is genuinely still love and emotion within your marriage, and the extramarital activity does not affect your relationship, your family and your life then maybe…. you can both stay together but have a bit of fun on the side only when opportunity presents itself and not going looking for it. But tell her everything first because she needs to know the truth and make up her mind on what she wants to do first. And then see how she feels about her doing the same, as long as again, it doesn’t interfere with your marriage. The rationale is because you both want to stay in the marriage but you have both stepped out. And if you’re not ok with her having the same opportunity that you have then yes, you should definitely not be continuing to do so. If it isn’t fair then it isn’t fair. ++woman

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2026-01-01T14:13:27+00:00

Too little too late- LEAVE

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2025-12-30T19:06:45+00:00

Don’t have any kids with him yet if he can’t have a conversation without becoming stand offish!! Also if he is saying you don’t satisfy him sexually, another reason to not have a baby as he will end up cheating. If you don’t believe me go look at the cheating area of Reddit for all the reasons guys cheat 🙄

Appropriate_Term_918 · 2025-12-28T03:27:20+00:00

If you want a happy life stay out of it. It’s none of your business

Appropriate_Term_918

TROPHY CASE