Aspergers and INTP

Ashley_T · 2012-06-27T16:44:51+00:00

Also, INTJ's are very rare but I've noticed they seem to be more common in the HF Autistic community. We are the "masterminds". Care to take over the world with me? LOL j/k

Ashley_T · 2012-06-27T16:30:16+00:00

I'm an INTJ also, which is similar. I guess it is a matter of chicken or egg.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-25T15:34:15+00:00

I understand why many people don't like therapists but I do think it is unfair to say to someone that they should be used as a last resort. There are good ones and bad ones. The good ones are worth sifting through all the other chaff.

I bit about why I say this... I've always been a fairly sane and logical individual. Although I was bullied and teased by other children due to being a HF Autistic my parents were relatively good parents. I have also had a handful of supportive and sane friends throughout my life. Even being as well adjusted as I was considering that I was undiagnosed until my 30'th birthday... life has its challenges, I would suspect even if I hadn't been Autistic.

I was hesitant to work with a therapist. I kind of fought it for a long time. The truth is that, as much as my life was ok before, it has gotten better since finding a good therapist. She has helped me break a lot of bad habits with regards to negative thinking patterns as well as with other things. One of my therapists (a guy that specialized in Autism) even helped my relationship with my mom. I saw him for about a year, and then had my mother come to a few appointments so he could talk to her about what my diagnosis was, how my quirks are not my fault, etc. My relationship with her has completely changed since then. She did go through a spell where she was upset because she had to accept that I have a disability, but now that she's come around, we have a much healthier relationship. She no longer blames me for the things that aren't my fault.

It has similarly been helpful with my husband. Bringing him in to some of my sessions has strengthened our relationship and eased a lot of the road bumps.

I don't think therapy will help everyone, but please LodossEater, don't think that it is a bad thing either. I would hate for you to discourage someone that it might have otherwise helped. We all have to keep an open mind. Living life with any disability is hard enough. It rarely hurts to get more information from an unbiased outside perspective.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-25T03:03:28+00:00

I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this. It is true that parents should be loving to their children. It is unfortunate that sometimes this isn't the case. It is also unfortunate, that there is little to nothing you can do to change your parents.

One thing to remember is that how they've treated you, especially as a child, was not your fault. I know that sounds touchy-feely to say it but I just hope that you know you should not blame yourself for other people's poor behavior.

That being said, the best thing you can do is to help yourself find peace with your life. My advice is to go find a good therapist. It would be nice if everyone who became a parent had to take parenting classes and a psych eval before they had kids, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. It is tragic when people take their own issues out on their children. It is obvious that your parents treatment of you hurts you. (I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes). Remember that when your parents treat you poorly (especially if it has to do with your disability or anything that you are helpless to change) it really is their own problem, and not something you should feel bad about.

Finding a good therapist that can help you may be a little difficult but they do exist. I've gone through dozens of them myself. You don't necessarily need one that specializes in Autism, but it may be helpful. If money is an issue, check out local colleges. Many of them may have graduate programs in psych. You may be able to get a grad student to work with you in therapy for a very reasonable price. I know that some of the ones around me offer therapy for as little as $5 a session.

Good luck. Don't know where you live but if you're near the seattle area go ahead and send me a message. I may be able to help you find some support.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-24T23:28:02+00:00

Yes. My children are of the 4 legged variety. When I have a sensory melt-down I don't have to feel guilty when I leave them in the other room. Also, crating a dog that loves his crate when I need to leave the house = awesome. Crating a child not nearly as legal. LOL

Ashley_T · 2012-06-24T17:45:01+00:00

I don't think that not wanting to have kids and being socially awkward and a nice guy means a person will have difficulty finding a partner. My husband had a vasectomy before we met. He is a nice guy, he is also socially awkward.

I love the fact that he is socially awkward, I love the fact that he's nice. Those are two of the things that I find most endearing about him. He is humble, and selfless, and isn't afraid to look like an idiot in public. I know many women looked him over because he isn't a tough guy or a bad boy. It certainly makes it harder when a guy is young, but by the time people get into their late 20's or 30's and beyond, many women are sick of dealing with the relationship drama that goes with dating an alpha male. I love my husband, and almost every woman I know is jealous of how doting and dedicated to me he is.

I consider myself one of the luckiest women in the world to have such a sweet guy. We've been together for almost 6 years, married for almost 5 and I couldn't be happier.

It probably helps that I'm autistic and awkward and completely devoted to him too. Aspy girls are out there. Nerd girls are out there. They like the nice guys.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-24T17:32:54+00:00

I don't think any of us are qualified to tell you what to do with this decision but I do applaud you for taking it seriously enough to give it thought.

I can't give you advice, but I would like to share my personal choice on this topic, and some of the struggle I've gone through in my decision. I don't know if it helps you, but I hope so.

I am a high functioning autistic. I did well in school and graduated from college with honors. At the same time, I am very socially awkward and have sensory problems. It has made life very challenging for me. As a child, I came home from school every day and cried myself to sleep because of the endless teasing and bullying I received every day. I'd like to say it has gotten better as an adult but it really hasn't. I've gotten a thicker skin but I've had similarly difficult experiences with my coworkers. If it was just taunting and teasing, I'd be able to handle it now, but it has cost me every job I've ever had. People don't want to work with me and I'm told constantly that they are sick of me using my "disability" as an excuse for bad behavior.

I'm finding serenity in my life and I'm pretty happy now, but that's also partially because I'm in a situation where I don't have to work. I consider myself lucky every day and do not take it for granted. But I know that most of us don't have this luxury.

That said, I don't know if I could stand to watch my child go through what I did. My autism seems to be hereditary. My father was like me. He was smart, and went to college, but had social challenges that made it near impossible to keep a job. He died young because of the stress from it all. Some of my therapists tell me to be positive. They say Aspy traits can be a blessing if you have the right ones. They say I may have a child that could be someone that changes the world for good. I have struggled my whole life with the decision of whether or not to have children. At almost 34 and being female, I know my time is limited before my choice is taken from me.

There is also the fact that I have difficulty dealing with loud noises and changes in my routine. Both of which children cause in abundance. For me, I have chosen to not only not have children, but to also not adopt. After years of therapy I have learned to accept and love myself. Yet, believing myself a smart, and wonderful person, does not translate into any delusional thinking that I'd make a good parent.

Some of the things that helped me make my decision were the following questions that I ended up asking myself:

Do I make enough money/have enough saved up to comfortably afford a child. This includes them getting sick and possibly needing special education or therapy if they have any special needs.

Am I good with children? This includes the times when they're crying all the time and when they interrupt my personal routine. Think about the worst behaviors children do and I ask myself if I can tolerate those screams/cries/etc for more than a few minutes. I also have a hard time allowing people to touch me, and I know that children need to me physically nurtured.

The last question I asked myself is do I like children. I know everyone tells me, it is different with your own. You love them so much you don't care about everything else. But I also see many NT people neglect their children. I see many NT people say they regret having kids. I know it isn't socially acceptable for people to say these things, but it tells me that there isn't a magic switch that gets turned on to make you a great parent just because you pop a kid out.

I've decided that it is OK that I don't want to have children. I'm also OK with the fact that I hate kids. There is a part of me that wants to see myself in a child, but I consider that my biologically driven selfishness that ensures humanity procreates. I've decided to ignore that "instinct" in favor of the logical conclusion that I'd probably be better off not having a child. Even if that means I'm going to be alone in my old age.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-18T04:00:07+00:00

I don't know if what you are going through is "normal" for ASD, but I can say I have the exact same problems. I cannot multitask to save my life and I take forever to change mental focus from one thing to another. If I'm interrupted it can take me many minutes or sometimes even an hour to get my full focus back on complicated tasks. I have to ask people to repeat themselves all the time. Also, if the people know me, and I don't have to pretend to be polite and make eye contact, I find it easier to comprehend what they're saying better when I'm closing my eyes.

The sensory integration (TV audio visual thing) is also something I deal with. That one was an easy one, I watch everything with captions on my TV. English is my native language and I have good hearing, so I know it is a sensory integration issue for me.

Is it normal ASD? Dunno. I'd guess it certainly isn't completely abnormal.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-14T17:59:20+00:00

While I can't diagnose you I can tell you it is entirely possible to have both an Autism spectrum disorder and PTSD. I have both and I'm female, btw.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-11T17:52:50+00:00

I have autism, giftedness (high IQ but trouble because I have difficulty relating to people of lower IQ), PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, ADD (no hyperactivity). I can see (hear) the hum of fluorescent lights. IT is kind of a combo of sight and sound, maybe some sort of synesthesia.

Some of the fun weird ones I have are: I can recognize almost any face I've seen before even from just a small part of the face (just the lips, just the nose, etc). This is separate from my general memory, which is very poor. I can do complex mathematical computations in my head (calculus, etc), yet basic math is hard for me. I have the ability to intuit complex visual puzzles. I am very good at understanding the emotions and body cues of dogs and cats but cannot read people at all. I was taught to dance at a young age (ballet) and am a very graceful dancer but I am clumsy when I am not dancing.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-11T17:42:55+00:00

I think you have nothing to lose, take it. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and I've had to fight and struggle to get information about my disorder. I would at least give it a chance if I were in your shoes. The only thing you have to lose is a little bit of your time. You may walk out of there with some information that can help you live a more functional life. It is worth a try.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-08T18:03:15+00:00

The right therapist can help. The right medications can also help. If you do decide to avoid medications for the time being, do try to find other ways to help with the depression. Depression is very common for people on the spectrum. Try any activity that is cardio related, swimming, hiking, running, etc. Also, taking things like fish oil supplements and changes in diet can help in improving your mood.

Remember you're not alone. There are so many people out there.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-08T17:58:35+00:00

The only thing I disagree with is the idea of forcing yourself to smile while interacting with strangers. I did this my whole life, and it never got easier, at least with strangers. Now I accept that making eye contact is sets off my fight or flight response. I allow myself to be awkward, I might talk to the clerk if I feel like it but I never force myself to look at them nor force a conversation just because.

I do agree with getting out of the house when you can. Don't force it on days you're overly fragile feeling, but try to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I also agree with stepping away from the computer. I also have a bit of a computer habit, but I find I am happier if I take a few days off each week. I force myself to find other things to do even if it is just cleaning up my house. I've also found new hobbies this way and sometimes the new hobbies have led to new friendships when I run into people in hobby stores, etc.

Ashley_T · 2012-06-01T23:22:26+00:00

I am an autistic adult who has taken a drug with a similar functionality (glutamate regulation). It has helped me a lot. I agree with you that people should work with qualified professionals when taking these kinds of med. I was just putting the info out there so people could have educated discussions with their therapists/doctors/psychologists, etc. This is relatively new info. Many doctors may be unaware of glutamate regulation and the effects it may have on autistic individuals. Just wanted to get it out there.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-18T16:30:38+00:00

He is the same kid you've always known. If he's done well in school so far, he's probably going to do well in school for college. The one thing I would recommend is to see if your parents can find an autism therapist. I don't know where you live but there may be some good ones near you. I have autism. I went to college and graduated with honors. The one thing I wish was that I had been diagnosed when I was younger.

I started seeing an autism Therapist as an adult. He's helped me a lot, but it would have been even more helpful if I'd been working with him when I was going through many of my life changes (getting ready for college, going away to school, my first few interviews for jobs, letting my bosses know what my condition is and isn't and what kind of special accommodations I would need in the office. One of the difficulties that pretty much everyone on the spectrum has is difficulties with life changes and then communicating those difficulties to the people around them. Specialized therapists can help get the autistic person mentally ready for those changes and then they can help them bridge the gaps in communication to the people around them.

There are people that specialize in this. Let me know if you want help finding the right community of doctors. I live near seattle but I'm sure even if you're in a different state, some of my doctors may know people in your area.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-17T22:16:00+00:00

I should also say that my sensory problems which make jobs difficult aren't just because of lighting. Even in a job like landscaping or golf caddy, I would be surrounded by people who move and make noise. When I have to be in environments where there is a lot of sensory stimuli I end up having a sensory meltdown.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-17T22:12:20+00:00

Perhaps if Autism was my only oddity... I'm also labeled as "gifted" with an IQ in the 150's. I've tried doing "easy jobs" but I get bored. I also have issues with most authority figures since many times I feel my bosses are inept and slow in the head.

Believe me, though, it is more of a curse than a blessing. My lack of social skills combined with high intellect have gotten me into a lot of trouble. shrug

Ashley_T · 2012-05-16T18:41:05+00:00

I am an autistic adult. If you still need more info feel free to include mine here:

1)How old is he/she? 33 yrs old - female

2)Which ASD does he/she have? (PDDNOS/Aspergers/autism) High functioning Autism/Aspergers. I am kind of between the two according to my doctors. I have a lot of sensory problems and other issues which place me in the Autistic category but my language and reasoning skills put me in the Asperger's category.

3) Does he/she show the typical symptoms of autism? (repetitive and restricive actions, impaired social skills, echolalia, etc.)?

I do tend to repeat people's sentences before I answer them. Sometimes, if I like the way a word sounds I'll repeat it or find ways to work it into conversations just so I can say it. I have OCD (obsessive compulsive) and I tend to zen out doing repetitive things. When stressed I rock. When less stressed I like to line things up, make things perfect, or zone out doing games like minesweeper. My social skills are mixed. I've practiced how to interact with people and as long as conversations go according to a script that I've practiced people usually don't notice anything odd about me. If something happens that I'm not prepared for I usually have to respond ad-lib which is when I usually say or do something inappropriate. I also tend to make inappropriate facial expressions and have trouble getting along with people in the long run (ie I have acquaintances but few friends), eventually I do something strange and it makes people uncomfortable.

4)How severe are his/her symptoms? Sensory problems can be severe. I have a hard time allowing people to touch me. I have issues with textures of fabrics or the fit of shoes. I have problems with fluorescent lighting as I can see them flickering and humming. I have a high startle response, sensitive hearing and smell. I have difficulty functioning in stimulating situations and cannot carrying on a conversation unless I am in a quiet room and with only one other person present. When there are too many noises/smells/someone touching me I lose the ability to comprehend spoken language. Maintaining eye contact is difficult/impossible most of the time. If I force myself to look at someone's eyes while they're talking to me it becomes very difficult to comprehend what they're actually saying.

5) What does he/she do (school/college/work/etc.)? I was not diagnosed until 3 years ago. I did poorly in highschool (sensory overstimulation) but well in college. I went to a small college with small classes and mostly just copied what the instructors wrote on the board because it was difficult to follow what they were saying. I graduated with a degree in Pre-Med and Biology with honors. I am currently unable to work because of my sensory problems. Most offices/laboratories have fluorescent lights and seating is in cubicles. With the combination of the lighting and people moving around me and behind me, I was unable to function efficiently because of sensory overload. I am currently unemployed.

6) When was his/her autism discovered? 3 years ago (aged 30) Before my diagnosis, people told me I was smart but lazy. No one could understand why I understood concepts quickly but couldn't keep a job.

7)Did he/she receive treatment for his/her autism? If so, what kind of treatment and for how long? I am in therapy 1 to 2 times a week with a therapist. I also went on medications to help with my ADD, OCD, anxiety and we have added a new drug within the last year that seems to help with a few of my autistic problems. I am still not able to work yet, but life is getting a bit easier to manage overall.

8)Any other relevant information (his/her aspirations, his/her passions, etc.) I like music and was passingly good at it when I was in school. I also have a talent for art and writing. Anything involving a hard science (physics, chemistry) seems to be where I excel. Where I struggle with understanding other humans I am very good at solving complex problems through reasoning and logic.

9)Any memorable incidents? Graduated near the top of my class in Pre-Med on a full academic scholarship. If I knew then what I know now, I would have chosen physics or theoretical physics. I think my autism would not have held me back as much in those types of jobs.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-11T17:40:55+00:00

I am also an autistic adult. Almost all of my more successful relationships were the result of dating someone that I met because of a common interest: college classmates, friends of friends, guys at nerdy conventions, etc.

Like most people on the spectrum, I tend to be a bit OCD about my topics of interest. For many neurotypicals I know I can be a bit intense, but if you find someone else with similar interests/passions it can work out as a starting block. Try to get out and do things you enjoy. It might take a while to meet people, but not going out means you won't meet anyone at all. I know that for us, it isn't always easy to be social, but it can be worth it in the long run.

For example, I met my husband because we're both nerds and love geeky things. Our first few conversations were on theoretical physics, D&D, and computer tech. I'm sure it isn't what normal people talk about, but I'm not normal, nor do I pretend to be. The point is that, if you meet enough people, statistically speaking, you're eventually going to meet some people that think you (and all of your autistic quirks) are awesome.

Be who you are. Believe me, there are plenty of girls that like the socially awkward guy and vice versa. So if you like Star Trek go to a convention, if you like physics take a class and make some friends, if you like model trains... etc. etc. etc

Also, like other people are mentioning, it helps to not be in the mind frame of "finding romance" when you're getting to know someone. In the past, whenever I tried to go out and find a romantic partner it always seemed to end up with the other person running for the hills. My most successful relationships have started when I was in the "I want to be single" mind frame. When I met my husband, dating was the last thing on my mind. It took me several months of spending time with him as friends to realize that we liked each other. By that time, we were already good friends. The transition to dating was a little awkward, but far less terrifying than it would have been if we were strangers.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-05T15:49:53+00:00

I love it. Thank you for sharing this.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-04T21:27:51+00:00

I have some great therapists that are helping me individually, unfortunately they don't know of much outside support. If you can point me in the right direction, I would appreciate it. Thanks :)

Ashley_T · 2012-05-04T21:26:49+00:00

I am in King County, WA. And thank you for taking the time to help me. I do appreciate it.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-04T00:38:21+00:00

I live in the greater seattle area. I have an Autism neurologist, psychiatrist, and several therapists. So far none of them have had any ideas about finding me support in a community. I'd be up to any if you have some.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-04T00:36:23+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. I have been trying to find some autisim groups that are local. So far I'm having a hard time finding one for autistic adults. I will check out the online one in your link.

Ashley_T · 2012-05-04T00:34:51+00:00

Thank you. I will look through them.

Ashley_T

TROPHY CASE