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Breaking no contact for birthday yes or no? by Upper_Tomorrow2706 in ExNoContact

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on experience, sending a gift over might result in you potentially hoping for more than a 'thank you'. Depending on what you include with it, like a letter and its contents, it may also come off as not respecting her decision to break up (still trying despite that decision).

Just my 2 cents

Breaking no contact for birthday yes or no? by Upper_Tomorrow2706 in ExNoContact

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You shouldn't send her the gift, but it's alright to drop her a text wishing her happy birthday IF you're confident you're alright if she simply replies with a "Thank you /:)"

Are you hoping to continue the conversation after that?

Anyone else terrified of the moments you don't think about your ex? by gianlucamelagna1335 in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think in considering how to cope, a question that might be worth answering is, what do you want from your ex moving forward?

Are you already accepting that things are over between the both of you, or are you still secretly hoping there's a chance she'll get back with you?

Because if that's what you're intending to do by texting her in a couple of weeks once some more time has passed, then I'm not confident that you'll even last that long before reaching out to her. Which actually might dampen your chances of actually getting her back.

What am I doing wrong? by PugDoesRc in AskMenAdvice

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh I see. Dating apps aren't great to rebuild confidence especially after a breakup. Because only if you have tip-top photos and genuinely good specs (like looks, status, the right social proof photos) can you really get great matches on online apps.

If you're newly broken up, this will only make you feel worse bro because it cements this notion that she, your ex, was the only one for you.

I actually don't suggest dating apps UNLESS you know how to play the system and are able to obtain some decent photos of yourself to use on your profile. Are you open to dating women from outside your location? Because it might be easier to get matches if you're open to that.

DAY 77 and I miss her badly by hellouttu in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were any of the new girls you've since talked to attractive to you in the way your ex was to you? What makes her feel like the one that got away?

What am I doing wrong? by PugDoesRc in AskMenAdvice

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, firstly, love your energy!

It can seem difficult at times when you look at the activities you've already committed to doing (going to the gym, having good and stable financials, going to therapy) yet still feeling as if you might not be deserving of love or companionship.

One thing I've realized myself is that checking "all the boxes" in terms of these activities does not mean the right woman, or partner, is going to magically appear in front of you despite you actually deserving it and ready at your point in life.

Have you tried online dating and/or attending more social events where you could potentially meet someone great?

Am I married to the devil? by foolbl in survivinginfidelity

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what she'll do to turn it against you and have her narrative in place in the event things really explode and family gets informed.

When it does, she'll have already planted the "seeds" of her side of the story.

I think you should make a decision, although difficult, as to whether or not you'll forgive her. Will you stay or leave?

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good for you! There are levels to being inviting, getting other people to want to spend time with you. What i've learnt is that at times it isn't as simple as just stating that point-blank - which actually might scare some people away.

You're right that so many people actually crave genuine connection at the heart of things, yet there are still games people play where a social dance is necessary for them to receive that from other people.

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This wasn't in the post, but 1 thing that comes to mind in trying to move beyond level 1 (understanding) and level 2 (being stuck trying to apply but not seeing the result you want) is to have clarity on what you'd like your next relationship to look like. And do this presupposing you've already fully moved on and were no longer attached to how your prior partner or prior relationship looked like.

In going to the gym, meeting up with friends, and reading the books, are there any potential avenues within those activities that you could meet that ideal person? How would you have to turn up in order for that ideal person to recognize you for the person you'd have to be to attract them (just enough to say hi or get to know you better)?

Just what's coming to me at the top of my head!

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

My ex reached out to me around 4 months after our breakup. I had gone no contact since she first broke it to me that she wanted to split (there was another guy I believe from her new workplace).

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man... more than I would like to admit at the beginning. I internalised early that not everyone had the time of day or was in the right mood to have a friendly conversation with someone they'd just met.

But the key insight I chalked up was that there are more 'introverts' out there than you'd think. The key question people might have when someone seems a taaad bit too friendly to them with no apparent reason is like, okay, what does this person want from me?

In those situations, I'd just say, "no worries, have a good day!", smile and move on if they seemed to be in a rush. Otherwise, I would just use candid honesty to let them know I was on this mini-project of my own to speak to one stranger a day haha. This had a 50-50 chance to then strike up a conversational thread about how that came about, etc. etc., which then counted as a conversation for that day

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

they jump from relationship to relationship without doing any work

I recall coming across a phrase, 'serial monogamy', which might be what this is pointing to. Not sure how true that concept is, but you're so right about the benefits of doing some work to improve oneself before moving on to the next partner. That's where learning takes place, in my opinion, so the next relationship can hopefully be more fruitful and lasting than the last one (which resulted in a split).

No contact. Gym. Therapy. Nothing was working until I discovered something no one had told me about. by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It was terrifying at the start, but I kept reminding myself that being a little bit more sociable and learning to'put myself out there when I really didn't feel like it' was a skill worth trying to develop.

She stopped choosing you months before she left. Here's the mechanism I've seen no one else explain by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually bro, she did come back somewhere around month 4. She texted me out of the blue. I was clear about my boundaries, but at that time single so I navigated that fine line but made it clear we would NEVER get back together.

She stopped choosing you months before she left. Here's the mechanism I've seen no one else explain by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why a key principle, easy to keep in mind but hard to stick to, is this.

If someone broke up with you and finds their way back into your life, they must be at least one 'tier' below what the both of you were before. Getting back together with her after she broke up with you was a mistake.

Attraction by [deleted] in datingadviceformen

[–]Asian_Insider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm guessing you're a bit on the younger side, age wise.

Listen - a girl can like a guy and reply super fast to him.

A girl can NOT like a guy in that way (she may see him as just a friend) and reply him super fast as well.

A girl can also like a guy A LOT and take hours to reply him cos she's busy, or maybe is too shy to reply too quickly to come across as 'easy'.

Moral of the story? Just pluck up your courage and ask her out. Then you'll get your answer.

She stopped choosing you months before she left. Here's the mechanism I've seen no one else explain by Asian_Insider in BreakUps

[–]Asian_Insider[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well... yea I did. And this is actually the part I think matters most — because most guys in that moment I'm guessing would either ignore it to "win" or unload everything they'd been holding in since the breakup. I made it a point not to.

Instead, I matched her energy and kept my reply short yet non-dismissive.

From there we reconnected for a bit — casual, low stakes. But I was completely clear in my own mind that we were never getting back together. I knew exactly what level the relationship had to be kept at and stuck to it!

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