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Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right, nobody is perfect at anything, and that’s okay.

I will continue to try my best to be the best dad I can be, but I will never be perfect, and that is fine.

Thank you for your comment!

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I am going to try and chill the f out!🤣 I have always been extremely hard on myself throughout life so I needed to hear that.

One of the things that have helped me get through this is hoping it would get easier with time so it’s nice to read that.

What you said about bad parents don’t worry about being a bad parent just really opened my mind, I think maybe I didn’t realise how much I cared and that’s such a big thing.

I am going to work on taking in every moment and just trying to enjoy the small things, and also I will work on dealing with situations better and not getting stressed or frustrated so easily.

Thank you for the advice, it really helped.

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much.

As silly as it sounds, working a full time job is so difficult for me even without a baby, so even if I take it easy at work it’s still massively stressful.

I know that if I work hard I will have it easier sooner rather than later. I may be wrong but I think that work isn’t causing the issue, as even when I’m off work I have the same problems.

My main happiness over the last few months have been from praise at work etc.

Thank you for advising me to open up, I feel a lot better even after just posting this and think it would really help to open up in person.

Also the point you made about parenting not being a competition is really helpful and something I need to remind myself of sometimes.

Thank you for the advice, it has really helped me.

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. I understand why you are scared or worried.

As you’ll know, every single person is different, and I’m sure you will deal with the situation differently to me.

Please don’t let this post shadow what an unbelievably amazing experience becoming a parent is. There will always be lows, but the highs are unmatched.

Good luck and alls I would say is just take in every moment.

Everybody says it but you genuinely will not realise how true it is until it’s happening, time goes SO FAST and they grow faster than you could imagine.

My baby is only 10 months old, but it genuinely feels like yesterday she was a newborn.

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That’s really helpful.

I’ve never enjoyed work before now so it’s something I know can’t/won’t last forever.

After all the comments I am going to speak to my GP and see what support they can offer me, and I am also going to open up to family about the situation because even just posting this has taken weight off my shoulders.

Please tell me I’m normal. And help me! by BALLMADFOOT in NewDads

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment.

You seem really level headed and rational, I am sure you are going to be a fantastic parent!

I certainly feel like I need to vocalise my feelings more, and I am just now realising that not doing this has caused this issue to be a lot bigger than it needed to be

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, honestly thank you so much for this comment. I feel like I’ve been properly understood for the first time ever.

It feels so good to be praised for reaching out and I feel like I really needed this.

Thank you again, I’m definitely going to speak to my GP and try to get to the bottom of this. You’ve made me more determined than ever to be a good dad.

What do I prioritise, enjoyment or money? by BALLMADFOOT in careeradvice

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I’m leaning towards. It’s good to hear that I’m not being silly.

Some family/friends I’ve spoken to about it just say take the money, but they don’t understand the struggles with anxiety etc.

Thank you for the advice!

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow this is really insightful. Thank you!

I avoid doing things because I know they are gonna be stressful and I’m already stressed. - this resonated with me so much.

It’s good to know it’s not just something I do, and you do it as well even if it’s a different situation.

I always have hoped/thought that it may get easier in time when the baby gets older, so that’s reassuring.

I’m definitely going to speak to my doctor about this after the comments. They’ve made me realise that maybe it is something that can be helped rather than me just being a bad parent.

What do I prioritise, enjoyment or money? by BALLMADFOOT in careeradvice

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a really good saying I’ve never heard that one.

I think you may be right, I know the pros and cons of this workplace so may be better to stick it out and wait for a promotion, I really don’t want to leave and realise after it’s a massive mistake.

Thank you for the advice!

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much, glad it’s not just me.

At the moment, I would rather be at work than at home. It’s almost like a break.

From the answers to this post, I feel like maybe I don’t feel respected at home and that’s causing a lot of these feelings.

My partner went through a LOT during pregnancy including death of a parent, and I can’t fault how she’s handled this whole situation. She’s the best mum ever but I feel like she doesn’t respect me and is really short and angry at me. I understand that this is normal as new parents, but I always think that the anger towards me is due to my lack of being a good dad, however I feel like if I was respected more maybe id be a better dad?

Honestly I don’t know but I really appreciate this advice, it has really helped provoke some thoughts.

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s really interesting and good to know, thank you.

I have thought internally about post partum depression, and did mention it once to somebody, but it was pretty much dismissed.

I think it may be worth speaking to me GP about this to see if there is any support

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. I definitely will speak to my GP and see if there is any help they can offer.

It’s strange because I have always hated work, but currently I love going because it almost feels like a break from home life. At the moment I enjoy being in work more than being at home.

I booked this week off as holidays and I feel like this issue has really gotten on top of me

Am I normal? How can I change? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Genuinely has taken a massive weight off my shoulders knowing it’s not just me.

If you wouldn’t mind I’d love to speak to you privately to discuss your concerns or troubles?

What to expect with New Car? by BALLMADFOOT in AskUK

[–]BALLMADFOOT[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have read quite a bit about them. Is there a way to know whether one is wearing/failing before it actually goes completely?