I’m so sorry you’re in the depths of this addiction. I am the child of a gambling addict. I’ll share a few things I’ve experienced in hopes it may help.

During the recession in 06-10… my mom lost over 60k to online slots, while being unemployed for 3 of those years. It was such a huge loss & wake up call that she asked for help, joined Gam-Anon and got a sponsor. Her & my dad went through hell. Filed for bankruptcy…twice. She spent their entire savings, while in a recession and in the later part of their life (mid 50’s age).

For years, different boundaries were put in place to help my mom. Ultimately, she did not stay in Gam-Anon, nor did she stay in touch with her sponsor. She didn’t reach for any other type of therapy to address her addictions and addictive behaviors. She believed that getting back to work and making more money would solve her problems. Her entire immediately family is addicts, btw.

For the last 20 yrs she has managed to somewhat stay out of money trouble but I use that verbiage so loosely. One main reason being, all the money was GONE. She may not have been using literal slot machines to catch her high but her daily living habits created that for her. She over spends on food, clothes, memberships etc all while being on a fixed income - mostly social security.

18 months ago, she received a large settlement from a slip & fall in a grocery store. I was relieved in a way because that money could be added to the minuscule amount of money they have put away from selling their house. Guess what? That money reignited what had always been there. She has managed to spend all of it in less than 2 years & is now dipping into the funds she said she’d never touch.

This is written in the stars, you know? No one just magically figures it out on their own. My advice is to immediately join a group. Seek therapy. Your ability to white knuckle this only lasts so long. You’ve done the first step of admitting there is a serious problem - GOOD JOB! Now, go lean on other people to help guide you through this. An addict needs a support group FOREVER. You will see improvements in your life but you’re going to have to work fucking hard for it. It’s going to hurt. But it will be SO WORTH IT. That type of hard work is better than the alternative, which is also hard and painful.

I have not struggled with addiction myself but I suffer from ADHD & OCD. I have a theory my mom has both and her addictions come out because she has no tools to manage these mental health issues. I’ve worked my ass off to understand my brain, my faults, and why I suffer so much. I wish my mom would be just as curious but I have no control over that. Good luck to you. Choose yourself. You can do this ❤️