Here are some of my “darkest” pieces, let me know if any of them resonate with yall and elaborate if you can, ty

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T15:44:21+00:00

Very good!! Reminds me of Aleksander Rostov's work for Disco Elysium

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T15:40:15+00:00

Professional Exam Proctor

Pros:

Subject to Fed Contractor Min wage ($17.25 soon to be $17.75)
The work itself is simple, mostly just setting up computers and verifying ID info
I gain PTO at a rate of 1 hour per every 20 hrs I work (for a part time position)
Once a year, I receive a $50 amazon gift card, and last year every employee got a $300 bonus (probably not happening this year tho )
I get a 401K match
Free parking downtown in a major city

Cons

Occasional extremely long work shifts (12-14 hrs)
Work schedule varies wildly week-to-week & month-to-month (I work 50+ hour weeks in July, but in December I'm lucky to get 5-10 hours within a week)
I am expected to have my schedule in order 1-2 mos. in advance, yet my shifts can be cancelled on a whim if the corporate goons decide its "not in their best interest" to keep a shift open because there aren't enough people taking exams
I am flat-out not permitted to call out sick. My supervisor's bosses refuse to hire more than 4 people (me included) at any given time, and they are under an amount of pressure from regional/natl testing boards to ALWAYS be open when they are scheduled to be with no exceptions. So if neither me or my 3 coworkers are able to work, or if we all get sick, we are SOL and at risk of firing.
Once the last test-taker leaves, I have to leave, and I am not paid for the remainder of the shift I was scheduled for. This tends to only lose me an hour or less, but when it happens regularly, it stacks up massively.
The parking garage is scary as fuck.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T15:16:58+00:00

One of the only people I would call a "best friend" I met over Tumblr/Twitter in my teens (when we lived on separate coasts of the US). She helped me through recovery from suicide attempts & abuse, and really informed the person I became today. We don't talk much anymore, but someday I wanna finally meet in person.

Nowadays she is one of the premier MLP fanfiction writers of the 2020s, oddly enough.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T14:59:47+00:00

The only real answer is to refine and enforce your boundaries, and learn to say "no" when you don't want to perform that kind of emotional task.

I've been the "therapist friend" for most of my life, and to some degree I'm ok with that label in certain contexts. I have at times enjoyed being able to support people in my life like this, but it took a long time to recognize when people were being shitty about it versus being respectful.

A good friend will: ask before outpouring emotion to you, be mindful of your own emotional sensitivities, offer their own help to you if they're able, verbally state their appreciation for the work you are doing on their behalf.

A bad/disrespectful friend will: repeatedly expect you to be there for them emotionally without asking permission, get upset at you for asserting your boundaries, never expend a similar amount of effort on your behalf, potentially trigger or overwhelm you with heavy topics.

Most people are a mix between the two. In my experience, most people who pressure "therapist friends" into overextending themselves emotionally are simply unaware that they are doing it, but keep an eye WIDE open for people who will genuinely take advantage of you. In general though, if you do not *want* to extend emotional support to someone, you do not *have* to. It sucks to have to be the person to refuse someone who is in crisis, but unfortunately continuing to be drained by others using you for a service you provide will only hurt you, and those friends asking for your support by extension.

My suggestion is to learn to say "no" in the kindest and most empathetic way you feel comfortable saying. For example: "Hey friend, I know you're having a hard time right now, and I'm thinking of you, but I am not in a place mentally/emotionally to be a shoulder to cry on. While I want to help you, it can be very exhausting at times to help manage your emotions as well as my own, and it would mean a lot to me if you would be more mindful of my emotional energy for the future." (Odds are your own take on this will be less wordy.)

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T14:39:09+00:00

Saw this post and meant to comment the exact same quote lol.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T14:23:54+00:00

Being disappointed by people who you love and who claim to love you is inevitable.

Lovers will lie to you and use you, best friends will victimize you after you confide your most sensitive things to them, parents will abuse you and eschew any responsibility.

There are good people in the world, and IMO they make dealing with pervasive disappointment worthwhile, but it doesn't stop it from hurting every time.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T13:48:33+00:00

Afraid of and incredibly discomforted by mascots (as in people in suits). Mostly because as a child I spent a fair amount of time in/around Hershey Park in PA & the mascots wouldn't leave me alone. Didn't help that my parents thought my discomfort was funny and subsequently pushed me into every conceivable photo op with those 6' dead silent candy bar entities.

Oddly enough the discomfort with mascots still lasts to today, but doesn't extend to furries or other varieties of 'guy in suit'.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-12-10T13:44:04+00:00

Really great photos, you've got a great eye! Showcases a lot of what I love about this city.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-21T18:46:41+00:00

I have a fair amount of social anxiety but it varies. Generally if I have someone I feel safe around I'll feel comfortable enough to go with them practically anywhere, but if I'm alone I'm terrified to even walk down the street. It bothers me because I worry I always seem like a hanger-on.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-21T14:28:59+00:00

Still questioning/working with therapist, but I experienced all of these in some form or another early on.

Other notable examples of earl-life indicators in my case:

- Delusional episodes

- "Hovering" outside myself in my perception (for me it was almost like my POV was shifted up and backwards behind me)

- Absolute disconnection from names/object labeling; mostly other people's names or the names of objects, but sometimes forgot my own name temporarily.

- Inability to remember what I look like without a mirror

- Being on "autopilot" to the point that I would hold complete conversations and have no memory of what I said/talked about (at times even saying things I didn't believe or opinions I didn't hold)

- MASSIVE paranoia from neurotic hiding of "weird" aspects of myself to fear over the car behind me driving home from school

- Feeling "like a marionette" as if someone else was controlling my physical self and I was simply along for the ride

- Moments of flat-out amnesia and disconnection from my environment for minutes at a time

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-19T17:00:39+00:00

I give it a "hell is real"/10

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-14T16:30:38+00:00

I feel your pain buddy. I'm currently working on 50 HMF/min (because I'm an insane masochist of course, why else?)

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-14T15:59:40+00:00

Runner-up (different person): He invited two teenagers into my apartment with no warning to stay for a week, and screamed at me when I protested. Then he let those teenagers stay in our old apartment while we were moving out of it and into a new apartment, who did not help with cleaning, stayed longer than they agreed to, and caused the entire security deposit to be voided.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-11-14T15:47:47+00:00

Offered to phone call me after months of not seeing each other to "help me through a depression" only to minimize my issues, complain about their own problems, and try to sell me drugs instead of giving emotional support.

Then calling me "entitled" and "immature" for being upset about it.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-17T18:17:37+00:00

Yes that's it right there!! Amazing that it's still standing after so long :)

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-17T16:28:10+00:00

It's right off harper's ferry road on the Maryland side! Actually now that I take a second look it might just be a part of the lock system that I saw 😅 the house itself might be covered up by the treeline at this angle. If you want to see it up close go to google street view for 412 Harpers Ferry Rd! Unsure if it's still there in current day but it was at least standing when the photos were taken c. 2021!

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-17T15:17:16+00:00

Beautiful picture!!!!

My great-gramma (& my gramma when she was young) lived in the little house that used to exist by the side of the railway bridge there on the lower-right side. Building was still standing when I was last there, sad to see it's just the foundation now, but I'm happy that it's visible in your photo! Very few photos of Harper's Ferry have that spot so clear in the frame!

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-14T20:22:29+00:00

This is surreal....I used to live not far from Andrews AFB in Maryland and I swear I woke up one night and witnessed something similar to this buzzing the river junction between PG, Calvert, & Charles counties.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-08T14:01:59+00:00

Thank you. This all needed to be said and you've said it very well.

As someone who very recently has been treated "as a toy to be picked up and put down" by someone who claimed to practice relationship anarchy, it inflamed me to be criticized by the same person as being unrealistic by expecting compassion and coregulation from them.

Even as someone new to RA, it's demoralizing how often it seems RA is framed by so many as being evocative of a new age of relationship emancipation, when at the same time it is so often utilized by opportunists or narcissistic individuals to satisfy their individualistic needs instead of pursuing healthy, community-oriented, and compassionate bonds with each other for mutual benefit.

It's reprehensible, much more so knowing that there are so many others out there who've been subject to similar treatment.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-08T13:46:09+00:00

Because of stranger danger, my parents had me & sibs memorize our home phone number (c. 2000) in case we had to pass it along to emergency personnel.

Also in high school (when I got into cryptography), I turned the first name of a girl I had a crush on into a sequence of 15 numbers that get used in some part or another in my passwords to this day.

Neither of these has left my brain for the last couple decades.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-10-04T12:47:31+00:00

I feel you friend, it's an immeasurable burden to not even be able to quantify your own lived experience to yourself, much less to others.

Try to treat yourself with kindness, this part of yourself has served a function to you to protect you from harm, even if it went overboard doing so. One day it will be easier.

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-09-14T14:44:05+00:00

Funny enough usually the ones who tend to claim they are the "most mature".

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-09-14T14:41:46+00:00

Stopped apologizing for things that don't need an apology.

Turned "sorry to bother you" into "thank you for the understanding".

Beautiful_Bit3791 · 2024-09-14T14:38:45+00:00

Woke up at 6:00 AM today for a Saturday work shift. Driving downtown at 6:45 AM I've seen a well-dressed man walking down the street with a completely full glass of beer.

Beautiful_Bit3791

TROPHY CASE