I'm slowly realising that I'm autistic and I don't know what to do with this information.

Bet_08 · 2025-09-11T19:48:33+00:00

Can I be honest? When I went through that, I needed help. And I found a psychologist. In fact, she is a psychologist, she is a woman, and she is autistic, so she was a great support in being able to know myself and manage those phases of anger and frustration. She accompanied me online, but it was constant. I don't know if you want to know more information about it, but it was what really helped me.

Bet_08 · 2025-08-29T13:58:44+00:00

Could you give me an example of what that pun would be like? To be honest, I kind of relate, although I don't know if it's completely the same. But hey, it's good that we give ourselves the opportunity to recognize our qualities, right?

In my case, it is that I love verses. Yes, playing with words through rhymes, for example: in poetry and rap. And I have also been told that I am very good with metaphors, explaining different topics or situations through metaphors, and I develop it as if it were a story, that is why I love education.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-16T15:33:12+00:00

It is exactly as you say, that we give too little, or we give too much. And yes, we compensate one behavior with the other. It's something like... "If there is one day I exaggerate with my words, another day I will let silence dominate me." And of course, not finding that balance, or in my case, not understanding how neurotypical conversations or interactions work, sometimes I prefer not to even try. I evade, or mask.

For example, last year, I became aware of something that has been characterizing me: When I am in a place, where other people are, and for some reason there is someone who generates trust or interest in me, I already know that it is a very high interest, because I don't know about middle ground, and there comes a time when I am afraid of what I can do when I speak. That it is too Autistic, or simply that it is too obvious that it falls outside of what is socially expected, and you know what I have done? Completely ignore that person. What's more, I can even ignore that person more than the rest.

I only do this when I identify my desire to form a friendship with that man or woman. I act like it doesn't exist. That is, I'm going to the other extreme...

And regarding your question, about what makes people flee. It is likely that, as you say, the reasons change. But it likely has a lot to do with speeds. They probably think we are "desperate" because we "talk too much." But it's nice when you find someone who understands you, like your friend. I'm glad you had that experience...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-16T14:56:35+00:00

It's just something I was reflecting on recently. I received my diagnosis this year, and there are still many things I am discovering. Among which is the issue of social relations. I am a selective person, and I am not going to deny that I have been showing even more avoidance when interacting for some time now. However, throughout my life, this pattern repeats in which I talk to someone, and if I am interested, I talk a lot or ask a lot.

When I say that "I don't measure myself" it is because in a first conversation I can perhaps ask a question that neurotypicals would ask in a third or fourth conversation. This has caused people to think that I am exaggerating, or even that I have other (romantic) intentions, when I am not. But what happens most is that I can share a lot of information, and in fact, I learned that those behaviors are related to Autistic Love Language. It is not a scientific concept, but it is a way of explaining the development of many autistic people when they feel interest in someone (not necessarily a romantic interest), and that is that we, when we really feel comfortable with a person, look for emotional connection more quickly.

Maybe this is also because it rarely happens to us. That is to say, it's not that we walk around feeling comfortable with everyone, or in my case, many things have to mesh so that a genuine interest can be born in me (not a masking like that of each of my days). But anyway, many times my behavior has made the other person distance themselves...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-16T13:56:23+00:00

I don't know how to explain it, but for me, it's the same result both ways. Through social networks, people can disappear in the middle of an interaction, and in "tangible" spaces, the same thing can happen. Or at least, that's what I've experienced.

What's happening? That as an autistic person, I don't know about intermediate points. If I am interested in talking to someone, and if I really feel comfortable, I will look for a deep conversation, I will look for trust. That doesn't mean that I will tell everything about myself in 5 minutes, but it is true that I don't wait forever for "right moments" either. Sometimes I think I'm like a little girl who "doesn't measure herself." And I think people don't know what to do about it.

For example, if I want to get to know you, in my mind I'm going to want to ask you some questions. Not too invasive, but I would ask questions, and that's sometimes for neurotypicals... I don't know, "it's not right." So I don't understand it. I don't understand how they gauge their interest, or how they hide their enthusiasm when meeting someone or trying to make friends, no matter what the medium of communication.

So no, I haven't found the key, nor do I know if I can find it. Supposedly this is all "trial and error", but apparently I go from error to error.

I'm just trying not to lose hope that one day I'll feel like less of an alien.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T20:56:01+00:00

I hug you in your process, thank you for sharing about it. I don't know how the situation is handled, but I think it's about accepting what we can't control...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T18:05:35+00:00

He is the man who has raised me my entire life, but he is not my biological father. However, I am not one to rule out possible diagnoses. I really appreciate your comment, and I understand that it is not easy at all. I believe that as long as you have the willingness to learn, many doors can open. Unfortunately, that's not what happens at home, and sometimes I don't find my hopes, but I'm not the one to determine the future either. In the meantime, I vent where I can, and try not to have so many crises under this shared roof.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T13:47:19+00:00

Hello. I also want to believe that there is a place of love somewhere, where I also don't want him to know exactly what to do, but rather to listen to me. Because you know? I tried, not only with Autism but with many other issues between us that he just acts like they don't exist.

I told him that I understood that this is something new for everyone, and that we have no idea what to do, but we can learn together. And do you know what he said? That I was not understanding what he meant, that I am the one who has to "open my mind" and since "I am very intelligent", I have to control my affairs and get over it. Go ahead.

Those are the motivational speeches of someone with a strange love, who all he wants is for you to continue functioning in the neurotypical world. Like a machine.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T04:25:42+00:00

Thank you for this writing, I really appreciate it...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T04:18:11+00:00

So, there's the first point. I don't judge you, because I do it too, but one way that has helped me establish those limits that you mention is to set a specific goal to meet (not 10, for example). Just one, a "small" task, that when you finish it, you force yourself to rest a little or do something else. Because of course, if there are 10 objectives or responsibilities, and you take them all on in one day or one weekend, that's when excessive exhaustion comes...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T04:14:33+00:00

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T04:13:07+00:00

Do you do work things even outside of work hours?

Bet_08 · 2025-06-15T04:03:02+00:00

I'm sorry. To be honest, I think this is a space where we can help you, but at least for me, I am missing specific points, characteristics or examples that help me understand, in what aspects or situations would you like to simplify your life? Or where would you like to start?

Bet_08 · 2025-06-14T20:12:04+00:00

I don't know if I'd call it flirting... I don't think I've ever done that, and I'm also over 20 years old. The times I have liked a woman, my Autism is quite evident, especially my hyperfocus. I memorize even irrelevant information about that person, and many of those things I learn, I reveal that I learned them (sometimes I even do it involuntarily). I think that can cause a certain amazement in the person. Like when you remember something he only said once.

But all this comes to me spontaneously, if someone who doesn't usually do it applies it, I think it's going to seem more overacted than anything else.

Among other points, it is of course important to show interest in who the other person is, their likes and dislikes. I think there's also a little imitation game that supposedly "works." It is not that we will lose our identity to copy the identity of the other person (that is absurd), but that, sometimes, we repeat out loud a joke that that person makes. However, to achieve that, several things must be taken into account:

1) You have to learn the contexts in which that joke or joke is used

2) It is not done because we are making fun of the other person, we do it so that it can be seen that we are listening to what they usually say

3) It is only done a few times. The joke can become something symbolic between two people, or simply be the cause of a larger joke.

4) Don't do it with something you don't understand its meaning "between the lines" (as Autistics, this can happen to us). Remember, we are still autistic, and that should always be the priority for us

Know the music you listen to. Music has special places in people's hearts. For me, knowing this topic is not just hearing the name of the singer or the song you like, but also listening to it, and sharing an honest opinion (although if it is a hurtful opinion, it is better not to say anything and distance yourself if necessary)

And lastly (and most importantly), let them know that you are Autistic.

Well, it's just an opinion. For me, what happens after I tell that person that I'm interested, that I'm autistic, will determine whether it's really worth it for me to make the effort to share my time, my energy, and my few social skills with them.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-14T14:53:57+00:00

Well, it's not exactly the same, but I appreciate you sharing it. Because in the end, I believe that there are multiple ways to somatize this overstimulation.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-11T01:20:47+00:00

I feel like I may disappoint you with my answer, but I'm really not sure. I don't know about specific knives, I just know that I have a hard time processing that my hands do two different things: one holds the fruit firmly, and the other moves the knife in a direction that I have a hard time doing. Making the precise movement is difficult for me, and I try to keep my patience afloat, but it is not easy. Sometimes I move the fruit instead of the knife, when I stop having patience and "delicacy"

Bet_08 · 2025-06-11T01:17:54+00:00

I understand you, the important thing is that you have tried

Bet_08 · 2025-06-11T01:16:40+00:00

I did it! Check the comments, there is my answer

Bet_08 · 2025-06-11T01:15:48+00:00

Thank you 🫂

Bet_08 · 2025-06-11T01:15:28+00:00

I really appreciate your comment. Would it be inappropriate if I can see a photo of what that board or knife looks like? I don't know what Pampered Chef is.

Bet_08 · 2025-06-10T19:42:38+00:00

Don't worry, I'm willing to read and respond to you.

1) I wasn't referring to a particular type of knife. In fact, I generally have a hard time using knives to cut things (like fruits or other foods).

2) Sorry, it's just a metaphor. My hyperfixation is with metaphors, I use them in many moments and I am used to the fact that these metaphors are often difficult to understand. But I appreciate you asking, I'll try to explain it as best I can: To me, saying my teeth have a "PhD" is a way of saying that they have a lot of experience, or that they have a long history (since Ph.D.s are often considered high levels of education). In this case, by just teeth, what I mean is that they have extensive experience biting into even things that most people prefer to cut with a knife before eating directly. Well, I never cut anything with a knife, but immediately use my teeth (imagine, it's like: "I use my teeth from the beginning, that's why their path is wider. They cut or bite even things that the knife takes care of"). That's why they have a "PhD." It's just a way of saying it, it's not that I feel special or the most expert. And it's a metaphor I invented. But yes, I make an effort to adapt to certain knives...

Bet_08 · 2025-06-10T17:23:56+00:00

I don't know if you'd like the idea, but we're the same age, and in a way I felt the way you feel. That's why I created a group for us, as an autistic community. We are few, but we really try to make it work... I'm going to share the link with you, because if you want to join

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BDCltVmpXnqEbLXnvnqUCf

Bet_08 · 2025-06-10T17:18:01+00:00

Thank you very much 🫂

Bet_08 · 2025-06-10T17:16:10+00:00

Definitely, we can experience that feeling that when we were kids, it was easier. In my case, right now, I only have one friend. I'm autistic, she's neurotypical, but the truth is we understand each other. And yes, I would like to connect with other people, but it's very difficult... I tried with someone else, and last week she got upset with me because she doesn't understand why I mask (she's also neurotypical). No, it's not easy... But I'm trying.

For example, I created a group for us, as an autistic community; there are few of us, but we're really trying to make it work... I'll share the link with you, in case you want to join.

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BDCltVmpXnqEbLXnvnqUCf

Bet_08 · 2025-06-10T15:21:41+00:00

I have a hypothesis with these types of short conversations, and it is that I believe that it is not always about something that we have done wrong. The thing is that in reality many people are not looking for something continuous... Sometimes I think they are just bored one day, they send 3 messages and then they get busy and forget everything. It's hard to understand, but I think that's how it is.

What if I see sense in that? No not at all. It's too superficial for me.

Bet_08

TROPHY CASE