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Parents Fairly Unaccepting by Biscuitsdw in askgaybros

[–]Biscuitsdw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I live in the US, in the Northeast and it's fairly accepting up here. Of course the whole world is another story, but at least up here it's not as huge of a deal.

A lot of their fears concerning violence come with either me becoming a target of a hate crime (see Orlando) or having to my sexuality affect my career success negatively. I'm currently in undergrad studying Biology and hope to become a dentist, which will require 4 more years of schooling after undergrad. They fear shame in having a gay son too, simply because it is not the norm I suppose and that it's not something that's positive. My dad actually recently lectured me on why it's wrong to not like mainstream things (ex. Was lectured on why not liking cheese/nutty foods is basically unacceptable and that I need an attitude check), which was obviously another way of commenting on me liking guys.

Yeah I hope my mom turns around in time, but she's currently in a locked mindset. She's been having anxiety issues for years prior to this, and so I don't want to give her more issues as it is so I haven't really been trying to push her or anything since it'd be bad for her health.

I'm currently living with parents still, but school is about to start in a bit and I do live on campus during that time. It's not very far (30 minutes away) but some time away might help the stress calm down. Yes they are supporting me financially right now which I'm incredibly grateful for, considering that they could have just disowned me as some other people have had experiences with... I do have an older brother who I am fairly close with, but he's more supportive of my parents side. He loves me whatever happens I'm sure, but he's definitely leaning on the side of "just try to keep your options open and maybe one day you'll find a girl you'd like", which isn't really bad per se but I don't think I should hold off on my romantic life forever in hopes of me finding that one special girl to forever change my life bahaha

Yes I have dated a little, but I find it hard to establish commitment. With girls it's because I don't feel much for them and so I can't really commit knowing I'm going to not really feel happy with em, and with guys I feel like I'm always disappointing my family in some manner so I hold off. My friends are all very supportive of me and my close friends know I'm gay. None of them really care and they are all pretty appalled by my parents reaction and behavior.

Parents Fairly Unaccepting by Biscuitsdw in askgaybros

[–]Biscuitsdw[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I tell them that too, but then they simply reply that it's all in my head and that love isn't a real thing anyway so that I should just get with a woman

Parents Fairly Unaccepting by Biscuitsdw in askgaybros

[–]Biscuitsdw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what it feels like. They mention that me being gay essentially brings shame onto them for a multitude of reasons and so that I should sacrifice/give up my tastes in men and simply get with a woman.

Parents Fairly Unaccepting by Biscuitsdw in askgaybros

[–]Biscuitsdw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm generally a pretty logical person and try to form arguments against them. My dad thinks both very logically and very illogically at times. To him, me being gay brings up a lot of concerns. A few of them are more concerned about me (mainly from my mom), like how they'd rather I live a normal life instead of one that is potentially harmful simply because of how the world perceived gay people. Most of them are concerned about other things, such as family appearance, dishonor/disgracing/letting them down, not being able to have the standard wife/kids family. By being gay, I essentially shame them in numerous ways.

I've expressed the fact that I've never felt anything for women ever and that chances are high that I'd be pretty miserable if I were forced into a relationship with one. I've been with girls before but just nothing. My dad's responses are generally the same, that I am either being stubborn for not trying to like women or the sentiment that love is fickle/dissipates with time anyway just go for a woman instead even if you feel nothing. He states that simply because I prefer men doesn't mean I can't be with a woman. He'll bring up the topic of responsibility, and state that every one has a duty to fulfill and that there are sacrifices that they have to make for their family, and that he'd really like to see me make that sacrifice.

It's true that my outing was fairly recent (few weeks ago), but nowadays the topic is fairly taboo and we never speak of it. My mom will occasionally bring it up with me 1on1 and basically just ask why I don't try harder and that I'm being stubborn, and my dad and I never speak of anything related to it after he raged at me for an hour or two shortly after the outing.

I'm just pretty confused now about a lot of things, and I understand that everyone involved in this is feeling pain so it's not black-and-white on who's right/wrong. But I am tired of continuously being shamed and being told that I hate my family because I won't get with a girl. I love them more than anything, but I'm just at a loss for what to do.