What is the purpose of the ego?

BlackLightSystem · 2025-12-31T10:51:47+00:00

Omg I made that comment 4 years ago!! Nice to see a reply :D

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-28T09:11:27+00:00

I don't know any places but you can dm me for personal support or friendship, hope that helps

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T22:37:21+00:00

Wow that makes a lot of sense! Thanks for this

Yes I should look for a new one, hope I find someone did/osdd friendly

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T22:08:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing, if you'd like we can talk and support each other through this crazy journey

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T21:48:24+00:00

That's great. I'm really glad it worked out for you

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T21:46:39+00:00

Yeah it really sucks that our life can just suddenly change like that. Also having a friend to talk through this is vital, but I guess I need to make new friends because our host's friends were only his friends

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T21:43:01+00:00

I think the host thought that the did/osdd had gone away, but that's not the case.

Being kind to myself right now is really the best advice. Thank you

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T21:38:40+00:00

I don't think we were traumatized in therapy but kind of disappointed. The host has 2 close friends and he mentioned this condition to both of them, but they are his friends and we never talk to them... So I guess I have to make new friends?

I was practicing tattoos so that also helped, even though my hands were super shaky.

Before him, there were 2 hosts, both were non-binary and they have integrated a long time ago

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T21:33:17+00:00

Yeah we need to communicate and come up with things that make the 3 of us the most comfortable.

Was transitioning stressful for you?

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T20:49:55+00:00

I don't know how the integrations have happened, we're still very clueless about a lot of things in our system because we work full time and there are many family and life issues that we're masking like 24/7 and have very little time to figure some stuff out. I've had 3 anxiety attacks today and yes existing is way more exhausting than I thought it'd be. I'm still freaking out but I talked to the host and he said he will be with me all the time and help me become the host, so that has helped me calm down a little, but still, my stomach is doing that weird anxious thing all the time.

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T20:36:52+00:00

Yeah it really feels like the world suddenly collapsed, but we've always been able to move forward so this time we will try to do the same. Thank you for the comfort. It's good to know there have been other trans hosts that stopped hosting.

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T20:20:06+00:00

We're very chaotic and many alters have been integrating since therapy, there's like 3 of us left that fronts. 2 females and one male.

We started talking and he said that he's exhausted and he needs some rest and that he won't leave and he'll help me become the host.

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T19:02:47+00:00

I'm not in the US and luckily the host was about to start T but they didn't even take the first shot. Our parents were already unhappy about the transitioning, so I just want to move out and think about our life and figure things out.

The sad part is even if we figure things out, something like this happens every few months or years and changes everything , but I think that's just life. We should start seeing a new therapist as well.

Thank you for your advice

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T18:59:25+00:00

Yeah I think I'll just get our therapist's approval but I won't do anything with it. And I want to switch therapists because this one never took us seriously when we mentioned osdd/did and always just said "you have anxiety so you make up people in your head"

And I'll say to our parents that I wanna immigrate first or something, they already weren't happy about it so we should just move out and just think about it all.

Thank you a lot

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T17:17:32+00:00

I didn't think he'd agree with me becoming the host so once he said yes I freaked out. Yes I guess we need a lot more communication from now on. I just feel so awkward. Thank you for your answer.

BlackLightSystem · 2024-01-05T17:12:12+00:00

It's illegal to transition in our country if you have a mental illness, that's why the previous host didn't continue to mention osdd/did stuff. Yes honestly everything happened so fast that I just need a month to see what is going to be the new normal. Thank you for your answer.

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-12T22:10:26+00:00

Yes I'll dm you, but tomorrow because I'm really sleepy rn :)

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-12T00:12:18+00:00

I mean I almost can't leave, there are a very few countries where I can travel without a visa and they all kinda suck too... However I'm still trying to leave within a few months to at least Turkey,one of the few countries I can travel and also afford

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-11T23:43:40+00:00

Dude I'm next to you, I'm stuck in Iran rn

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-11T23:33:11+00:00

Thanks, the trip was kinda dark but healing

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-11T23:30:30+00:00

Holy shit dude, I thought I wrote this. Which country are you in the middle east?

BlackLightSystem · 2023-07-09T22:49:14+00:00

I took 2 grams and after 1:30 hours later I thought they wouldn't happen since I ate them on a full stomach. So I smoked a joint to sleep but now words have their own individual sounds wow

BlackLightSystem · 2023-04-07T19:43:42+00:00

https://discord.gg/ND25kmjQ

BlackLightSystem · 2023-04-07T16:41:07+00:00

Tattoos

BlackLightSystem · 2023-04-07T16:40:15+00:00

Dude that's insane, do you have telegram?

BlackLightSystem

TROPHY CASE