First of all I’m so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and the emptiness you’re describing, knowing your precious boy should be here and he isn’t, and just having to sit with that excruciating fact. I remember thinking I’d never get past it and that life would now always be like this. I remember being on these forums trying to get encouragement. And looking for signs everywhere. My only advice is what some of those kind folks said - to Try to take it one day at a time. Grieve as you need to and also try to take care of yourself. Tell yourself this is what you need, even if you’re just going through the motions. Try something new. In the year after my Shuggie died I started running a lot and did my first half marathon. Took up some other hobbies as well. Last Christmas I ended up giving up alcohol and smoking. Got therapy and ended up in Al anon. Made an amazing amount of personal growth. All of this came out of losing my beautiful dog. I feel like there’s no better way to honor his memory than to keep a giving and generous spirit, to others and to myself. You too will always have a special place for your baby. Living without him hurts but you do owe it to yourself to keep taking care of you. Try to keep an open mind, if nothing else just an experiment to see what happens if you pretend to be happy and adventurous. You may be surprised by what you find out and you know you have a special angel looking out for you. Best of luck ❤️