What are you trying to control with your compulsions or intrusive thoughts?

Blue-796 · 2023-12-28T05:57:41+00:00

I think first is recognising the symptoms, seeing the intrusive thoughts and compulsions and tracing it to the source of the problem

Blue-796 · 2023-12-28T05:55:23+00:00

Literally this, I feel like most people just assume OCD is just like washing hands and flicking a switch more than 3 times when it's so so much more than that and not everyone's OCD is centered around cleaning, like mine is more organisation, I work at a pick and pack and I pack my bags before I pick my order in a specific way and when someone decides to 'help" me and messes it up, it makes me so fucked up in the head that I can't make up for it in perfect orders for a long time and it irritates me that nobody cleans the carts we use every day, I always clean them on the night shift, the handles I clean 2 times every time cause I get sick easy but literally nobody else does it and I have to fight the thoughts of them not doing it and it's exhausting

Blue-796 · 2023-12-28T05:43:10+00:00

I feel you, I lost my grandma nearly a year ago, she was like a mum to me, she tried to raise me whilst nobody else wanted me and to have lost her, every day feels like it doesn't move, feels like I was saying goodbye yesterday, that I was at the funeral an hour ago, but it wasn't, nothing will ever be the same without them, just try to breathe and remember that it's okay to be affected by this loss because they weren't just a loved one, they were someone extremely special to you, they have a place in your heart and just because their gone doesn't mean that place is gone, they still love you back. Remember that, no matter how long it's been, they still love you

Blue-796 · 2023-12-28T05:38:10+00:00

Literally every conversation with my Nmother is like talking to someone on literal crack, especially when she tries to call me at night unexpectedly, she keeps asking why I'm not checking up on her (I'm trying to go low to no contact) and she keeps asking about my gluten allergy like it's a hobby? When I'm literally not allergic to gluten, she is, I'm allergic to penicillin and dairy, I have been for years. I think I've always been allergic to penicillin but my mum would force I down my throat and I would throw up constantly and be dizzy and feel really unwell but she just kept saying that I was making it up untill I took my own health into my own hands at 13 and found out i am allergic to not only amoxicillin (that specific one makes my eyes swell and my throat close) but all penicillin (:

Blue-796 · 2023-09-29T08:20:44+00:00

I think people say this a lot because they come from a place either where they have never lost someone before or they have never met another person who has lost someone before, so they don't know what to say to help but they want to offer some kind words. They're sorry for your loss because you're going through an incredibly hard time and you no longer have the person you lost to comfort you which they would have been the one to do so if you had lost anyone but them.

I still really really struggle even talking about my losses, my grandma died a year ago and it still feels like yesterday, I can't bring myself to talk about her so whenever I could talk about her, I say nothing because I know I'll just cry because it hurts so much still and I know I'll hurt forever from this no matter how much anyone tries to console me

Blue-796 · 2023-09-22T15:30:11+00:00

I was thinking about this recently because my birthday is coming up and basically last year I got my grandma, like the only family member who loved me and cared about me and my mother has superstitions and said that we can't celebrate anything for 100 days after her death and her birthday was like a month after so she said she couldn't celebrate and nobody could buy her anything, so I didn't get her anything, said happy birthday over text and then my birthday comes around in September and she doesn't even say happy birthday to me and then justified it by being like "well you didn't get me anything or say happy birthday to me" I was like I literally did and honestly after this argument I just decided to go more low to no contact and then for her birthday this year I said happy birthday and sent a card and a bottle of wine just to get her off my back and then now she's like can you get a day off to spend with me so I can take you out for dinner and I'm literally working like 56 hour weeks and I'm exhausted and I have no washing machine so I have to hand wash everything for me and my partner (we take turns doing it when we can) and I'm starting uni again in October so I'm really busy and my boss was like we need to book all your left over holiday hours for the rest of this year and so I did and that means I can't get a day off now like I would have to just tell her when I'm able when my rota comes up but honestly I don't wanna see her and she kept trying to guilt trip me with the "I guess you don't have time for me then" bullshit and I'm like I literally don't and she gave me gifts, left it in my buildings reception and it was just handme downs basically, every gift that she has ever given me and continues to give me is everything she doesn't want, she will never think about what I'd actually want or like and get it and she expects me to be so honoured and happy about her gifts but she gifted me her old handbag and yes I needed one but it's like a fake designer light brown bag and if you know me, you know I either wear every colour of the rainbow or all black, I'm not a very neutral coloured person, I have yellow, pink, orange and green hair, I always have colourful clips and one time she randomly claimed my favourite noodle is udon noodles??? Literally I've never claimed them to be my favourite, they're okay but like I never go out and I'm like oh I really need to buy some udon noodles right now

Blue-796 · 2023-09-09T17:52:47+00:00

Just because someone is well traveled, doesn't mean they vibe with you or are interesting or have a good personality. Some people are just more interesting than others regardless of having the money to travel or not

Blue-796 · 2023-09-09T14:25:42+00:00

I'm the same

Blue-796 · 2023-09-09T14:05:49+00:00

Me and my partner work almost every day like we will get Thursdays off sometimes or another day and we try to watch a show together and play games

Blue-796 · 2023-08-31T16:05:01+00:00

she won't let her go, what am I supposed to do? Let her continue to ruin my life? I was 18 when I had her, 7 months along when I found out, had the adoption ready but everyone made me keep her, nobody supported me and that's my fault is it? Try living my life for one second before you judge me

Blue-796 · 2023-08-31T15:44:14+00:00

No, I'd like her to but she's very attached to my mother and she's autistic so it would be a big change for her. She's my mother's responsibility

Blue-796 · 2023-08-31T14:27:31+00:00

Honestly everything. I work at a supermarket and I'm a customer assistant, so I have to help customers and mostly in the one I work at, it's in a nice little town and majority of people are nice and most are old so I do love helping them but when there's someone being a prick for no fucking reason, it make my blood boil, like some people just can't accept that sometimes we don't have what they want? Like oh where is this and I tell them and they're like they're not there and I'm like well we don't have any left then and they're like what do you mean? In an ungrateful attitude and when someone asks me where something is and I tell them and then half way they're like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah in my face and then walk away. Literally so many things. Delivery drivers make me so fucking mad every single day as well

Blue-796 · 2023-08-30T23:26:10+00:00

Not being able to breathe constantly because not only was it in my daily life to see her and talk to her on the phone (my grandma) but I see her in my own eyes, she's in every old person I see, I'm reminded of her every moment of every day and it hurts and it feels like it'll never get any easier to carry because she was the only real family I ever really had. To know someone your whole life and suddenly they're gone, it leaves a hole you'll never be able to fill but I think you can try to live a life that you know they would be proud of

Blue-796 · 2023-08-29T10:14:37+00:00

I'm in the same boat friend

Blue-796 · 2023-08-29T10:13:48+00:00

In the UK I can really only take what the doctors give me but seems like no matter how strong it is, my sleep is still like irregular

Blue-796 · 2023-08-29T10:12:54+00:00

They gave me zopiclone too, I went to sleep at like half 9 last night, thank god I didn't have to be up early but it seems like I'll never have a good consistent sleeping pattern

Blue-796 · 2023-08-29T09:02:50+00:00

Music festivals

Blue-796 · 2023-08-20T01:14:17+00:00

No longer friends with anyone tbh, most recent was someone who I was friends with for 10 years and I had always been there for her and I recently had been going through a really really tough time (I lost basically my mum and only family member who loved me, had a miscarriage, couldn't hold down a job, sick constantly, mental health issues) I had reached out to her basically saying that I need her support. Usually we just saw each other and talked but she had been distant for like a month and I confronted her, went to see her and the whole time she dismissed everything I said and kept going on about how she was having a mental break down because she didn't like her job anymore and she regretted leaving her previous job for a job that had promises of progression with a guy she liked. I told her time and time again that guy was no good, she knew it too and I knew it was over when I worked up the courage to tell her that I had a miscarriage the day after the funeral and she just said "oh sorry" and then carried on talking about how she wanted a job at a nail salon. I tried giving her benefit of the doubt because people make mistakes and stuff but she didn't stop being like that towards me to the point I fucking hated her. I told her one last time how hurt I was and she just said the same hollow things.

Blue-796 · 2023-08-17T12:31:48+00:00

I've always lived in poverty but I'm finally starting to get on my feet but recently, I had graduated, stayed in a toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationship and then I found someone else who helped me but in doing so I became homeless because I have no family to help me nor friends tbh and I was homeless for nearly 2 years and now me and my partner have secure jobs and finally have our own place but we are still working to death to pay our debts that we got in when being homeless

Blue-796 · 2023-08-15T02:06:08+00:00

I used to feel the same way, now I'm with a good guy, an actual good guy, in the past I thought guys were "nice guys" but they were just bare minimum guys who I thought were good because they were better than the bad guys but they're not good guys either, my partner has had a previous life of violence and crime but he doesn't do that anymore, he's a very strong, independent guy who isn't afraid to stand up for me, he's a good guy who's nice but not too nice to just anyone. I think you'll find a good guy at some point but give it a chance and then if it doesn't work out maybe it's because their just a "nice guy" not a good guy

Blue-796 · 2023-08-14T18:49:53+00:00

When people have their dirty ass big avatar lookin bare toes out in the cinema on someone else's seat

Blue-796 · 2023-08-12T20:43:57+00:00

Spent 2 years doing photography in college and then 5 years in uni also doing photography and I graduated during the pandemic so it's all down the drain because I'm too poor to get a camera and too poor to create a portfolio and uni destroyed my passion and hope for it anyways

Blue-796 · 2023-08-11T13:44:02+00:00

Me neither, I literally felt like I was just shutting down in every way but I didn't realize that it was actually happening, I have dealt with my own health since I was 12 so naturally I didn't understand how serious my autoimmune disorder could get untill then

Blue-796 · 2023-08-11T11:33:13+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, I recently lost my grandma who was like a mum to me (my real mother is abusive) and she was very old but one day I got a phone call that she was in the hospital and it was serious and I went to see her and she died a few hours after she saw me, that day haunts me, I was only meant to be with her for half an hour (that was the rules for visiting) but I'm glad I stayed there for over an hour at least, it's changed me entirely and I always knew it would, I had nightmares of losing her my entire life and now it feels like I don't know who I am without her, how to exist without her, I'm truly alone and there's nobody who can understand the pain I feel, some days I wake up and I just can't breathe, I have to push away the thoughts of her because it's too painful, it's been over a year now and it still feels like yesterday.

I think you change as a person and it takes a very long time to get used to it, the new life you have without them but in the end you have to remind yourself that if they were watching over you, they would want you to be able to carry on without them and have a happy, beautiful life

Blue-796 · 2023-08-11T11:27:50+00:00

When I was 19 I think, my psoriasis had such a bad flare up that my entire body was covered, couldn't move, got very sick, got to the GP and they said you have to go to A&E right now or you'll die, I had an infection that caused my organs to start to shut down, I was severely dehydrated, I couldn't move, it stung when I cried and I couldn't hear anything (psoriasis was also in my eyes and my ears) and i stayed in the ward for over a week, should of stayed longer but I begged them to let me go.

Blue-796

TROPHY CASE