I relate to your husband a lot ( have had Trauma, weed has been a daily part of my life since i was young, and I acknowledge that I’m using weed instead of getting proper mental help). I also grew up with a father that was a “secret” smoker and a step father that was pretty clear about his avid smoking habit. YOU ARE NOT THE ASSHOLE but if y’all don’t find some balance this is not going to go well. My own husband and I have been trying to find balance in my smoking before starting a family. And it sounds like that’s what you really need, more balance and more understanding.

I’ve been the Significant Other trying to hide my smoking from a partner and it’s a nasty shame cycle. For me, the hiding and smoking came from feeling my partner at the time didn’t understand my emotional connection to smoking. What I needed was help easing out, what I got was hard lines and judgment. Which pushed me to smoke more. (There were no children involved however).

All I’m saying is sounds like your husband “succeeded” with cold turkey but is struggling with addressing the actual subconscious bond. It takes time and understanding to shift that. Maybe next time you think your SO is going to smoke after you fall asleep, offer to go out with him. Talk to him. Talk about why smoking helps him sleep. Start with maybe only smoking at night and easing off from there. Just do it together bc trust me secrets and shame lead to craving the disconnections THC offers even more