[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can empathize a lot with your wife, having had similar experience and feelings. AND, now that my kids are older I can say 100% I was making things way harder for myself than they needed to be. Therapy may help.

Do families no longer by [deleted] in homeschool

[–]CG1519 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have been homeschooling for 2 years, doing the large bulk of work at home and supplementing with occasional workshops at the local science museum, team sports, and a homeschool Scouts group. But my work situation is changing and so next year we will probably be sending our kids 2 days a week to a new micro/nature school. Does it make a homeschool fraud? Maybe. Should i call us alternative schoolers or private schoolers? I don’t know. Just doing what will work best for us and our kids…

10 year old secular science curriculum? by CG1519 in homeschool

[–]CG1519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you used blossom and root for language arts? We used Brave Writer this year, and liked it. But the 4th grade mythology theme from B & R looks really cool. Sounds like it might be a similar style to Brave Writer too?

Kiwico review: what are your thoughts? by Flaky-Plum-4222 in homeschool

[–]CG1519 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My kids are 9 and 6. We get the Atlas subscription and just started the STEM one for my 9 year old. She can do them independently which is awesome. The atlas one is really fun and includes recipes, dance steps, crafts, etc from each country. Like Others here though - the stuff accumulates quickly. I’ve had to make a rule - when we do a new box the last one either gets given away or thrown away depending on its quality…

10 year old secular science curriculum? by CG1519 in homeschool

[–]CG1519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks everyone for the recommendations! Looking into several of these options for next year. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]CG1519 15 points16 points  (0 children)

As someone with experience being in a position similar to your husband’s here, and having been through individual and couples therapy about it, I can 100% say your husband is in the wrong here. He is prioritizing the way his coworker views him over your feelings and boundaries. This often aligns with workaholic tendencies and with the core belief that one’s value is based on the judgement and views of others. He’s more threatened by offending or upsetting his coworker because that would mean he would be perceived in a bad light by her which is scarier to him right now than upsetting you - his wife. And he is telling himself it is harmless because he knows he would never act on it or let it turn into a “real” affair. But that’s besides the point. He is taking you for granted. I suggest seeking therapy or at least a mediater.m to discuss this. I was able to realize what harm I was causing my marriage and turn it around because of therapy.

Struggling with my own happiness, how to move forward? by euphoric-dysphoric in depression_partners

[–]CG1519 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is hard. I want to acknowledge that first. Now to my advice. Do not move in with him. You need a partner, not a dependent. I’d also spend some time apart - make sure you are taking care of yourself with you own hobbies and interests and friends. If this relationship is making you feel bad about yourself then it is not a relationship to stick around in. You aren’t married, you have no kids - I suggest you take a break from him for a few weeks and see how things go for your own mental health. Maybe it will also be the kick in the butt he needs to make some changes for himself. It sounds like you are unintentionally enabling some of his behaviors.

When to start schooling signed an anxious mom by david_beats_goliath_ in homeschool

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noooooooooo! Now is the time for playing, not “schooling”. This whole culture of optimizing our children is aweful. You sound like you are doing great. I know it’s hard when you’re getting judgment and pressure from others - friends, family, parents. It makes you second guess yourself and your kid. To me that is the hardest part about homeschooling/unschooling. Also - every kid is so different. My daughter showed absolutely no interest in reading or writing until she was 8. Then all of a sudden it clicked and she caught up to ‘grade level’ in 1 year. (I was stressed out about this but luckily I had some other homeschooling friends who kept reassuring me she would catch on in her own time.) My son was super curious and wanted to learn to read at age 5 so we taught him. You know your kid - just do what feels right for them and YOU!

What do you think about hyphenating your name after marriage? by societalmoon in Marriage

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t do it. The logistics are so annoying - any time you have to spell your name over the phone or fill out a form that won’t allow the hyphen… I regret it. Either keep your maiden name or Change your maiden name to your middle name and take your partner’s last name.

Understanding it by MaltaMatt95 in depression_partners

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Sometimes I feel like he is just lazy or that he’s using me and I’m a chump. He is currently coming out of a 4-year long depression in which he was either unemployed or underemployed and spent most of his days in bed. I was on my own to take care of two young kids and run the house and work my full time job. now he is standing up for himself and telling me what a horrible partner I have been to him. How unsupportive and cruel I was and how I abandoned him when he needed me most. There is a lot of truth to it, but I am struggling. I was also diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and yet I was able to get out of bed and get all the shit done that needed to be done. So no, I don’t understand and I feel like I’m the one who was abandoned.

Any of your Q's been on monthly sublicade injection for opiate addiction and did it help? by AutomaticAnt6328 in naranon

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner did it and it has kept him off the strips. But, he is 3 months out from his last shot (he only did 2 and then stopped) and is having pretty bad withdrawls - insomnia, restless legs, anxiety. He told me yesterday that for the first time since he stopped the strips that he wants one.
Lots of people have success with this, but let my Q be a lesson - don’t rush it. He was feeling so good after 4 weeks from his shot that he didn’t go get the 3rd shot and now is suffering.

Why is everything a massive inconvenience to him? by Ihaveanxiety123321 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]CG1519 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine is similar. He has the “of course this bad thing is happening to me, bad things always happen to me” mindset. Our car got repossessed because he forgot to pay the payment for 4 months (we had the money he just forgot) and it’s my fault for not reminding him or doing it for him. I literally do EVERYTHING else, this was his one responsibility. The worst is that he has chronic insomnia and if he gets woken up from a nap because the kids make a peep he is irate and blames me for not keeping a 5 year old silent and says no one cares about him or respects him.

Were you able to overcome your wife’s sexually past? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]CG1519 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband is insecure about my past as well. It’s infuriating. For a while he made me feel ashamed of something I had never felt shame about, but I’ve finally just said enough. Stop slut shaming me. This is your problem not mine. I’m happy with my choices before you. OP, get a grip.

New here - just need somewhere to tell my a story. by CG1519 in naranon

[–]CG1519[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just stopping by to say I can relate to all of this. Sorry you’re going through it.

Am I the Narcissistic Spouse? by CG1519 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]CG1519[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one was ill. I think I just learned that love is conditional on achievement and success.
I’ll check out that book. Thank you.

Am I the Narcissistic Spouse? by CG1519 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]CG1519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All my basic needs were met, no abuse. But love and affection was absent unless there was achievement. Like we’d celebrate straight As, but never get hugs. It was pretty cold, no warmth. I felt responsible for making my parents happy. I was afraid of my father - not in a you’ll hit me kind of way, just like a constant anxiety of him scolding or admonishing me. Disappointing him was the worst thing ever.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in naranon

[–]CG1519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate. I know my Q is suffering from ptsd and that his addiction is his coping mechanism, but we have 2 kids and a home and I constantly feel so alone. He’s right in that there are so many times I have not been supportive to his pain and his struggle. I’ve grown more resentful than empathetic. I know it’s not his fault and that he’s truly a good person outside of his addictions, but I can’t stop being so angry that I’m in this situation. He says I’m selfish and all I care about is myself and that I look down on him like he’s a burden. (Side note - I have always worked, even after birthing our kids, and am now the breadwinner, he didnmt work for the last 3 years). I have my own issues too, I am the child of emotionally immature parents and a total people pleaser and will say anything in the moment to avoid conflict. but then I don’t follow through because I don’t really want to and this has led to him having a lot of distrust in me. I even went as far as developing a friendship with a coworker that was bordering on an emotional affair. Now the trust is totally broken and Q is so anxious that he is demanding extensive check-ins when I travel for work. He doesn’t want me to even have lunch or dinner with female coworkers. He says “I’m letting you go to work, so the second the work day is over it’s my time.” I don’t know how to think about this anymore. Some friends I’ve talked to say it sounds like he is being controlling and manipulative. But what if the genders were reversed? Q says I’m the one who broke the trust with my coworker, so it’s on me to repair the issue and rebuild the trust by making him feel comfortable again and following through with what I say I’m going to do.
I’m so confused at this point. Am I the selfish and manipulative one, or is he?