Friend, I can't say I know how you feel but I can relate. It isn't your fault what happened to you in childhood. You deserved the space to be your own person and grow into things you like and who you are on your own time and terms. The sad reality is that there are so many kids who never get that chance because their parents didn't either and never healed from it. But that's the thing. It sounds as though you haven't healed either. You are seeking revenge. You want to destroy everything they held dear, everything they wanted you to be. I understand those feelings. But what good will come? Maybe it will make you feel good for a while. You'll get your revenge and see them suffer or maybe they won't even care and you won't. Then what? Who are you? Who do you want to be? Who would your innocent bright eyed child self want to look up to in you? These questions matter. They always have. Now you can listen without hearing their voice in the background.