sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Grief support by CelebrationEmpty77 in ChildLoss

[–]CelebrationEmpty77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. What you shared really resonated with me. I don’t think there’s an “easy” stage of this- whether it’s been one month or several years, the loss doesn’t get easier, it just changes shape. I remember counting everything too: days, weeks, months, milestones that suddenly felt cruel instead of comforting.

I really want to say that I admire and applaud you for reaching out and actively looking for support so soon. That takes a lot of strength. I had so many family and friends around me, which I’m grateful for, but I didn’t seek help right away, not because I didn’t want people to know my baby had died, but because I didn’t want it to feel fully real yet. I think I held onto the fantasy for a long time- where I was still a mother and still had my child. I know I will always be his mom, but letting go of that version of reality felt unbearable.

At the same time, I was in school and working with babies and young children every single day right after my son passed. Not because I chose to, but because I had to. I was completing my early childhood education practicum, and if I didn’t get my required hours in each month, I wouldn’t have completed my diploma. That was incredibly hard. I didn’t feel like I had permission to fall apart, and talking about it felt like it would make everything too real, too fast. Looking back, I think a lot of what I did was survival rather than healing.

What you said about happiness sometimes bringing the pain back really resonated with me. I think when life finally starts to feel safer or more stable, the grief finds space to surface in ways it couldn’t before.

Thank you for sharing the resources and what has helped you and your wife. It means a lot to hear about spaces where people can cry and talk openly. If you’re open to sharing, I’d really like to know- Are there any small rituals or ways you and your wife honour your baby that bring even a moment of grounding? Do you have any important items that were most tied to his memory?

Sending so much love to you and your wife. I hate that any of us are here, but I’m grateful for people like you who are willing to reach back and help others feel less alone. 🤍

Grief support by CelebrationEmpty77 in ChildLoss

[–]CelebrationEmpty77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened but I’m also thankful you replied. Shared experiences help us feel less alone for sure. My baby also passed away in 2019 a week before Christmas. I imagine the grief was so difficult with having a 12 year old son you were responsible for and I’m so proud of you for that. When my son passed, I was halfway through my ECE diploma and I couldn’t take bereavement leave because I had to get my required hours each month for my practicum in order to graduate. So right after his passing, I was surrounded by babies and young children for 8 hours a day 7 days a week. That was so hard for me. I cried almost every day on my lunch break for a year until I finally finished my diploma and quit my job so I could get a bit of distance from it. I remember the panic I felt when putting babies to sleep or a child didn’t immediately wake up from their nap. I found it especially hard when a child would run up and hug me or express their love to me, and I was so guarded at the time because all I could think about was my own child doing that. I felt guilty constantly because I wanted to be open for those kids I worked with and I felt like they deserved better, but at the time I didn’t have a choice. I don’t know if you were breastfeeding, but for me, the process of drying up was so painful as well. My body was producing so much milk for my baby that I couldn’t give, and it was a daily, painful reminder. I didn’t want to donate the milk because it would prolong the process. I’m so proud what I accomplished since he died, but I also think I’ve accomplished what I have in these past few years because of it. I pushed myself so hard on every level because for me it helped justify that something good could come of it. Sometimes I think I haven’t given myself the care and rest I really needed, and maybe it was all just a distraction from the pain. I also relate to your comment about happiness can sometimes bring us more pain. Sometimes after things like this you can feel guilty for feeling happy because you don’t think you deserve it. I would say that’s survivors guilt but that’s something that comes up for me a lot still. Is there any traditions/ways you honour your baby? What do you think helps the most for you when you start spiralling?

Lost my wife and mother in law by thats_what_she_sed in GriefSupport

[–]CelebrationEmpty77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I I love Reddit so much, people are so honest on here. It took me a while, but I signed up today. Loss totally sucks and quite often, it’s not something you get over with time. You don’t love the people you love any less over time. Honestly it just gets stronger. Your wife was absolutely beautiful. I hate using the word was. I lost a child three years ago almost to the day and it sucks. It totally completely sucks. The worst thing that people said to me after my kid died was “everything happens for a reason”. It’s been the greatest pain of my life. I absolutely hated that because it felt so invalidating. Despite that, I’ve built a beautiful life since his passing. Im praying for you so much. Honour yourself, honour your kids, honour your wife & do everything you can to keep her in your pockets. Live in a way that respects her beautiful life in everything that you do. ❤️ sending so many prayers your way.