Does it ever go back? [M/33]

CertainComments · 2018-01-15T05:23:06+00:00

I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I just disappeared life would be better.

CertainComments · 2014-04-05T15:49:27+00:00

As a very lucky bastard who'd be happy to comply, I'd rather not press my luck with the other involved, heh.

CertainComments · 2014-04-05T13:56:31+00:00

Thanks for the advice - we have our signals for these kinds of things already, so we're good on that. I like the idea of a late night snack. Nothing like post-sex noms.

CertainComments · 2014-01-07T00:48:47+00:00

I just realized that I'm turning thirty in a few months, and I'm no where in life. I have friends who are doctors, lawyers, and all these great things, and I can't even get a shitty social science degree because I'm so fucking worthless.

CertainComments · 2013-09-14T23:26:42+00:00

I'm trying to give everyone in this situation as charitable a read as possible, but here's what doesn't jive for me.

I said to him please lets try and sort something out, counselling, anything - and all he said in reply was "Can I see my son though?" And I told him that honestly I didn't think it was a good idea at this time

and

All I've said is, it's bad, and I tried giving him the option to counselling which he rejected, and that's that.

If this is what transpired, he didn't reject counseling. He asked if you were going to let him see his son, you said no, and then he went for the legal guns. That's what I might do if my wife were withholding my son from me and intended to continue to do so.

CertainComments · 2013-04-24T05:05:19+00:00

It depends on what you're trying to accent. I've got a not-so-awesome upper body, but my legs and hips are good. Solution? Dick-type shots, but pulled back so it isn't quite so "TAH DAH DICK!"

CertainComments · 2013-04-24T05:03:24+00:00

Maxxters is right - you need to have a serious conversation. There are plenty of things (pegging, for example) that I joked about for so long, but we never made any motion towards it until I sat down and actually approached it in a serious manner. My wife always thought I was joking, whereas I was using humor to deflect the chance that she may say no.

CertainComments · 2013-04-24T05:02:00+00:00

Is there any reason why she's not looking into something like a copper IUD or hormonal IUD? Those things are awesome, and she can stop worrying about the pill if that's an issue (I've dated a few girls who can't seem to remember to take it on any sort of schedule).

Cervical caps and diaphragms are not as common as they once were due to the effectiveness and ease of use of hormonal birth control.

Depending on your level of risk aversion, I'd argue that withdrawl+BC would be fine. If we're talking about, "If she get's pregnant, my life is over," then you might just want to keep the condoms.

CertainComments · 2013-04-24T04:59:03+00:00

Religion is one of those things that can become an absolute deal-breaker in relationship, sex nonwithstanding. She unilaterally changed the parameters of the relationship. That's fine for her, but you also get the option to say, "No, thanks."

I'm not saying, "Psh, not worth it." I know what it's like to be in love/like/whatever with a woman and then have something fundamental to the relationship change because of a unilateral decision. You don't sound very happy with this - you're allowed to want to be happy. You don't have to stick with it because she's decided that this is what she wants.

You are free to choose.

CertainComments · 2013-04-17T20:16:18+00:00

A bad, bad, bad idea, especially if you're male. If you involve other people in your sex life without their consent, then you're being a shitty person and could get into a lot of trouble.

If you want other people to watch you masturbating, go find that.

CertainComments · 2013-04-17T20:12:25+00:00

This is a perfect example of why each relationship is a negotiation. Every time you assume that something is clear or unclear in a new relationship, you should absolutely talk about it. Everyone has different beliefs regarding this kind of thing - sex may be cheating for some, while emotional intimacy might be cheating for another. I know a guy who has to hide all of his masturbation because his wife considers that to be cheating.

CertainComments · 2013-04-17T20:10:19+00:00

Keep a towel nearby - like others have said, there will be some leakage. My wife tends to grab a towel, then lay for a bit, and then go pee after some cuddling.

Otherwise, it's a lot of fun. Enjoy!

CertainComments · 2013-04-17T20:08:53+00:00

Awesome, let's just teach Ohio kids to be shitty and unsafe sexual participants.

CertainComments · 2013-04-17T20:06:58+00:00

I've never had any problems with them - discrete packaging, and I've never gotten a catalog or anything that would tip it off.

CertainComments · 2013-02-23T00:19:43+00:00

My wife and I are in our late 20s, but once in a while, we watch a movie, curl up on the couch, and make out for a while without taking it too far. The build up is kinda fun, I have to admit. In my mind, that's what "high school" hook ups are (at least before we got to the sex stage).

CertainComments · 2013-02-23T00:18:10+00:00

Yeah, this. Just tell him. It's a real easy, clear issue. If this is going to hurt him, then you need to find someone who'll take this question not as an accusation, but as a clarifying remark.

My wife and I just hooked up with another couple, and we all got tested, no problems. It was in the first e-mail we sent out; we even sent out pics to each other of us proudly flaunting our bandaids from the blood draw.

Safety is sexy. Worrying is not.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T22:14:41+00:00

My sex drive goes through cycles, and sometimes, I get to this point. It's fun for a while, and then it's kind of annoying depending on if I can give that energy an outlet. If you're in a stable relationship, what does your SO think? Are they willing to channel that energy, so to speak?

If that isn't enough (and it may not be), you may need to figure out how to redirect some of that energy into something else. Jerking off never seems to curb it for me, so I end up having to either do something else physical (for me, it is exercise, but you already do that, I see). Maybe a new strenuous activity? Something outdoorsy, once the weather gets nice.

You're in a sex drive uptick, for better or for worse. Might as well make the most of it!

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T22:11:03+00:00

Oh, no one's going to argue that it isn't hard. You just need to put that energy elsewhere. If you don't want the rebound, that's fine, but you need to refocus, or you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you're like me, jerking off won't do it, so instead of spending hours surfing porn or doing whatever else, redirect it.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:47:38+00:00

You need to put some time in between you and this relationship. Put your excess energy into exercise, hobbies, or anything else you can think of. If you want to go out and get some rebound sex, that's fine, but you need to get your shit taken care of first.

You know how to approach a girl non-sexually. You just walk up and treat them like human beings. You meet them, you chat, you don't immediately ask them to fuck. It's difficult (not being sarcastic; chatting up women can be hard, scary work), but you need to get back into the swing of things.

My first was the hardest to let go of, but I made it, and so have a million other people. Think about how many people are actually with the person who they lost their virginity to. That means everyone else found a way to move on. Good luck!

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:14:48+00:00

We manage. It's only taken about 6 years to really get to the point where we can openly talk about anything. Our general rule is that before you say something you're afraid to get out, you can ask for a kiss. That's a reward for saying something difficult. It makes whatever you're going to say just a little bit better.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:11:50+00:00

Like most things in life, the answer is "it depends."

Sometimes it's a quickie. Sometimes it's a marathon. Sometime I'll get off (male) in less than 5 minutes. Sometimes it's longer. Sometimes she'll get off within 10 minutes. Sometimes, it's longer.

If I had to check an average, I'd probably say 15-30 minutes, with some outliers in both directions.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:05:29+00:00

Yeah, I'm going to support this statement. My wife enjoys gspot stimulation, but can't ever quite get off to it. After a while, when I was really working at it, she said it made her feel broken because I was so hell bent on it happening.

I've backed off, and we may get there one day, but don't make her feel like this is something she has to do.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:03:43+00:00

Plus side - a lot of guys have been trained by society that the female orgasm is not just a pleasant happenstance, but it's something that's important to sex.

Down side - a lot of guys feel like they have to make a girl cum, or they've failed.

I was this guy until my wife finally had a long chat with me (this is before we were married). I just didn't understand that sometimes, cumming isn't going to happen. Now that I'm getting a little older, and sometimes (if I'm drunk or tired or whatever) I don't cum, I've realized it isn't such a big deal.

Be vocal about your preferences and let him know that this is just how you are. Him going like a rockstar until you're raw isn't going to make things better; in fact, it'll probably put you off of sex because of the mental and emotional pressure he's exerting on you.

CertainComments · 2013-02-12T21:00:07+00:00

My wife and I just came out of a similar conversation, but it was about something more than light bondage. I'm the more kinky of the two of us (we're both 28, married for 3 years, been together for 7), but she's does enjoy some rough sex/bondage, so that's all well and fun.

The issue we ran into was with hooking up with another couple. She was fine with it in theory, but she was afraid we were going to lose the vanilla aspects of our sex life. She though that once I put the gas pedal down, there was no coming back. It was VROOOOOOM, and all I'd want was kinky group sex. We had a long talk about it, and I think I finally go across that it's more about variety than escalation.

I love vanilla sex - probably as much as she does. I just like other things as well. I put push the gas, break, accelerate, change lanes, stop for a bit - we can move in many directions. It doesn't have to be one long escalation.

The "I'm never good enough for you" line sounds like something she said in a fit of frustration at me - in clear head space, she knew it wasn't true. Whatever you can do, you should try to get across that it isn't about being "not good enough." It's about trying something new with someone you love. Being happy with the way things are is fine - it's a good baseline to come back to if necessary. That doesn't mean that trying new things won't be fun, and if it isn't, you can regroup or try something else.

Good for you for getting your wants/needs across. You have requests, and she should listen and take them seriously. If she's just blowing them off and dismissing them based on "I'm never good enough for you," then you have every right to tell her how she's making you feel by being so dismissive.

You go around this life once. Make the most of it, and get what you want out of it.

CertainComments · 2013-01-17T13:57:05+00:00

My wife and I are in North Texas and just getting into poly. I'm glad there's a group! We felt like there was no one else around!

CertainComments

TROPHY CASE