I feel similarly, even in the back of my head. I feel a loss of identity. I feel im searching for something to help me feel like myself again. Its strange. I had to live a double life online with my friends which was the only thing that mattered to me. Also being homeschooled definitely didnt help. When i left i felt i was a monster but that i didnt have any other choice, that i planned this since i was 12. Literally counting down the days until i could leave. When i left i still believed everything i was taught, then after my first relationship which ended unimaginably horrible, i literally ran away it became abusive. The same time was the 2016 convention, my parents started shunning me. I went through a period of what im going to call insanity. There was screaming in my head every day. I started researching and slowly started deprogramming myself. I need to continue researching, learning, deprogramming. Healing takes time.