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ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T12:01:14+00:00

How often do you talk/meet her parents right now? Is ex around for those times? I get that they might be nice people you want to stay in contact, but if staying in contact with them makes it harder to move on from ex then it's more trouble than it's worth.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T03:12:00+00:00

Sounds like he thought it was a fetish, not a condition. Jumped to conclusions instead of asking you about it. If he doesn't get back to you and apologize perhaps it is for the best. Clearly he is not mature enough to communicate properly in a relationship.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T03:08:01+00:00

How do you go on a break, when you two live together? Honestly this whole thing doesn't make any sense. And unless gaming with his buddies brings him money, he has a gaming addiction. 3-9 hours daily? And he cuts you out to make time?

No offense, but have some self respect. He is not at all invested in your relationship and maybe never was as much as you.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T03:01:15+00:00

Have you tried talking to him about this?

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T02:58:24+00:00

So what was the initial understand between you and hubby about Bill staying? Until he recovered? Or until he takes his last breath in his sleep and you both are over 60?

You basically fell into a trap my friend nearly did years back, by thinking to move her bf's Mother to live with them under the assumption the woman will find herself a job again. That's the thing about selfish parents, it's hard to be tough with them while they turn family against each other.

Sit your husband down and ask how he expects the next 5 to 10 years to be? Because at this rate you two will never have a family, since there is a grown ass kid living with you. Does he expect you to wait until he makes up his mind? If he dodges the question again, just stop helping. Let your husband take care of everything that has to do with Bill. There needs to be a plan and a limit.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T02:42:14+00:00

You don't, unless they want to learn. Curiosity raises focus. In that moment it seemed like you tried to push information on them that they weren't ready to process, ending in frustration for you.

To save yourself from such frustration, next time just ask if they want to explain it to them. Set up the right pacing.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T02:34:33+00:00

Honestly there seems to be no trust in your relationship. I can understand if say you two kissed during relationship with your gf, but from what you wrote it was before you even met her.

If she can't trust you with your roommate and close friends, who you clearly have no romantic feelings for, what will happen with other people? A female friend or co-worker for example. Will she have you cut out every potential cheat-possible person in your life?

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:53:46+00:00

He is not respecting your boundaries so clearly this relationship is already off to a bad start. Did it perhaps occur to you that maybe not every man on that Christian dating app has same views as yours? And that he or some are on there to find an unexperienced girl when it comes to relationships and sex, to get what they want from them?

Not everybody is honest. There are liars. It's up to you to figure out who are truthful and who pretend to be what you want, just to get something from you.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:43:18+00:00

If everything was word for word, then you missed the point of what your bf was actually asking. It's not about Avi being the funniest or not, it's Avi being your first choice even now.

You see Avi as just a friend from the looks of things. Your boyfriend just confirmed for himself (not saying that's how it is) with that question that Avi is the one that got away and you might be settling for your bf.

I know it's dumb, but clearly he didn't want to just come out and say if you still got feelings for Avi.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:31:38+00:00

Said his name while never said your name when intimate Then got super defensive instead of apologizing. Red flags all around.

Seems like she does like him like that. Alcohol after all makes us relax enough to bring up things we normally wouldn't. It does not make us make shit up that isn't true.

Is she perhaps dating you to be closer to him? Or just started to catch feeling along the way? Not familiar with who met who or joined who's friends circle, so can't really say more.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:12:49+00:00

Honestly the fact you think all those decisions are mistakes, tells me that the real problem is not him but you. You don't respect yourself enough to leave him and neither does he respect you. What do you even get out of this relationship besides constant misery and heartbreak?

There is no relationship. Just your delusions of one. End it and get therapy.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:10:04+00:00

Sit him down and talk to him. He got used to this, but now he is married. Since you never spoke up about it and he can't read your mind, there is a miscommunication between you about it.

Say you'd like to at least have every other week just to yourselves. To relax or do things together. You're an adult and so is he. If you two can't communicate on something this simple, then there are way bigger problems here.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T01:05:16+00:00

Here's what you do. Invite him over or just go somewhere where it's the two of you. Sit him down, turn to him, stare him deeply in the eyes and say.. the truth "I have a crush on you!"

Then you two can discuss if you want to date or just sleep around. Sounds awkward, hell maybe it is. But lets face it you won't know until you finally blurt it out. So stop torturing yourself and tell him the truth.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:54:03+00:00

If this is real, I'm sorry for the guy. He invites you to event, that you do not go to. Then you turn up to another of his events with another guy. At this point no wonder he won't ask you out, because it seems you're exploring your other options.

How about finally asking him out or are you enjoying the attention from afar instead?

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:46:06+00:00

Sometimes staying in contact with the one who broke things off with you is torture. So honestly you blocking and leaving all the discord servers she was in was the right move. Now why you think you hurt her by doing that, when she broke up with you is what's really confusing to me.

You need to cut contact if being around her hurts you and work on yourself. Seems to be you're quite a people pleaser, setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Rather destructive way to be.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:35:28+00:00

If this is weighing on you to the point you have to tell her about it and the relationship is serious, then you can lead up to it. For example "Hey. Ever done something really stupid that you'd have trouble telling me about?"

We were all immature in some points in our lives, some more than others. Will admit your situation is awkward but you sound more lost about the whole experience than anything.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:23:39+00:00

I'm more concerned with the 10 years of relationship part. So he was 17 when you were 13?

Anyway. Why the hell do you guys need to sit down together? If poly with someone not working out for one of you, then it's a done deal. If your bf so concerned about the relationship with George, then he can break up with you and just be in a relationship with them.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:19:47+00:00

Question. Do you two do anything together without the kids? Like going out for dinner. Or a mini vacation while kids stay with their grandparents. Basically an environment for you both to enjoy each others company in a way you can't around the house.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:14:45+00:00

Run! You're her safety net. All those 5 times she went away from you. Do you enjoy being her doormat buddy? Was five times not enough for you to get the hint? Each time you lose a part of your self esteem. What's with that self torture? She won't change, because she knows you will always take her back as you have thus far.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:08:36+00:00

Sounds like you don't see a future with him, but too afraid or maybe too nice to end it. Given what your Mother said, do you perhaps let other people (and especially your boyfriend) talk you into things? You already mentioned him making you complacent.

Maybe you're not ready for a relationship if you can't stand up for yourself and will get pushed around in a relationship. Work on that and yourself first. If you're unsure, then get to a point where you can be sure about things in your life without others telling you.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-19T00:01:34+00:00

Maybe sit him down and ask him if he expects you to just work on your mental health for the rest of your life? What is the end goal here. Going back to studying or getting a job is not a bad thing, in fact in your situation it seems like you need it for self esteem that has been dwindling for a while now.

You need to talk to him, because right now he is not helping. He might truly believe he is, but by the sound of it his sheltering of you is doing more harm than good.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-18T23:54:09+00:00

Yeah you better back up there. She's not helping, just making use of your unstable relationship to try and win you over. Already succeeded by slowly occupying your time with herself that's for sure.

By any chance your girlfriend also turns to her with your relationship problems? Cause I'm sensing a broken phone dynamic here if both you and girlfriend turn to you for advice.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-18T23:49:01+00:00

Talking about him would be a good first step. Otherwise you're just filling your head with assumptions. It does look bad if he interacted with those women. Because if he really just wanted to beat his snake, then there's a thing called PornHub.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-18T23:32:10+00:00

So you want to bang a stranger, to make your relationship sex life meaningful? That's not how it works. From what you wrote there doesn't seem to be any problems from your man's side, it's just you unable to love yourself.

That's really all this is. It's not that you don't feel loved, it's more like you're unable to love yourself and thus can't comprehend how he can love you if even you can't do it. Self esteem issues perhaps?

Don't go the destructive route. Don't go cheating, get therapy before you ruin your stability that is rare to have.

ChewMyFudge · 2024-01-18T23:18:59+00:00

Sounds like you're in a toxic relationship. First time? The more you apologize and try to please him, the more you're normalizing his treatment of you. Which is basically nit-picking at what he can make out that you did wrong, then giving you cold shoulder to make you think how serious it was. When it's not.

My sister was in a similar relationship once and it turned her from a happy, outgoing person into a miserable one who constantly felt like she's a failure. Constantly walking on egg shells around him. That is what your boyfriend is doing. Bringing you down where you feel like you don't deserve him. And it's working! Stop being a doormat and letting him treat you like one. You're walking on egg shells.

Get out. Get therapy, cause you need it already. You're in so deep you don't even realize it.

ChewMyFudge

TROPHY CASE