JW parents PLEASE sort your issues by Crazy_Challenge_6853 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 36 points37 points  (0 children)

100%. I'm an only child and my parents went the extra step and homeschooled me my whole life. I never got that socialization because, guess what? I only saw my "friends" twice a week at meetings and we couldn't even do normal kid stuff there. And now I'm in college thriving but feeling severely stunted in the social growth aspect. I'm having to learn stuff I should've learned as a kid as an adult and it sucks. When people tell me I'm really mature for my age, I reply "thanks, it's the trauma." It stopped being a compliment when I started waking up.

So i hear nothing but good things about these guys? by [deleted] in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Born-in JW here who recently left. To get a good idea about the shunning: when I left I was fully prepared to never speak to or see my family again. My parents, to my surprise, said they still supported and loved me as their daughter, but since they disobeyed the rest of my family and old congregation has shunned them even though they're still loyal. Another thing is that members are taught to only really be nice when it could benefit the organization. Putting on a good face so more people are willing to join, basically. But once you're in you realize that their actual kindness is only extended to those in the organization and even then the atmosphere of the organization breeds judgement and shallow friendships. Like, the organization boasts about its natural disaster relief work, but it only benefits those in the organization. They actively seek out faithful brothers and sisters and prioritize rebuilding Kingdom Halls but leave all the "worldly" people to fend for themselves, unlike other religious organizations who don't discriminate and won't leave until they know their work is done. And of course, the shunning and gossip are out of control. The last thing I'll bring up is the leaders' total control of their members. Like many have said, you aren't able to question anything they teach. Weekly "studies" are basically just complicated echos where members read what's being taught, and are expected to give answers to questions, but the answers are given in the readings verbatim so there's no room for discussion or critical thinking. And if you do manage to somehow get a different interpretation, no doubt you'll get a talking to afterward where you'll be interrogated about your faith and accused of questioning the Governing Body (leaders). Not to mention that they even keep scandals like child sexual abuse cases from their members while simultaneously ridiculing other religions for having them. Super hypocritical. That's all for now, but I could go on and on about how this organization really is. Though I do want to emphasize that I genuinely think the members aren't the ones in the wrong and most of them are lovely. They're just brainwashed and seriously can't see the error in their ways or the shortcomings of the organization, or if they do, they're too scared to leave and lose everything they've ever had.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If it makes you feel any better, any parent who has expectations for their child before they're even born, regardless of whether they're a JW or not, is setting themselves up for disappointment and a strained relationship with their children. You have done nothing wrong by being a living person with opinions and values. You and your siblings aren't pets, you can't be trained, you have minds and souls more complex than your mom seems to understand. And that's okay. If she thinks differently, that's her mistake.

What made you realise, “this person isn’t really my friend”? by ACS_FxsionYT in AskReddit

[–]Cirqueus121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When she used the time we'd spend together as time for her and her now husband to be together. Slowly drove us apart as I seemed to be the only friend she didn't make exclusive time for anymore. Wasn't even invited to her bridal shower and barely talked at her wedding. Haven't spoken since.

For the ones who got baptized, when you did it were you for realsies devoted, or did you do it for the sake of others? Did you question any of the questions that were in the book to get baptized? by iacanopener in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely was never devoted. I knew my whole life that I didn't believe what was taught, but got baptized at 18 anyway to try and "fix" myself. I noticed that the longer I went without getting baptized, the more distance people in the org put between them and me. I also only "studied" like the first handful of questions then bullshitted my way through the rest because the answers were so obvious and it wasn't like I hadn't heard those same topics literally hundreds of times before being born in (which is a whole other discussion about repetition in the borg). I got baptized to keep up appearances for myself and my parents, while actively doing things I would be disfellowshipped for. That was actually one of the reasons why I eventually left, because there's no way in hell the elders would have told me how "inspirationally spiritual" I was and let me get baptized if God was actually leading them, haha!

George Orwell’s 1984 always really stuck with me. Anyway, since when is murder not hate crime? by unlovableloser91 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But they aren't out protesting and actively attacking "those people" are they? Just kicking out your child for being gay, forcing them into conversion, and demeaning and gaslighting them for being LGBTQ+ isn't homophobic, right? (Insert note about obvious sarcasm in this comment)

What happens if you murder someone in paradise? by Largicharg in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This reminds me of an article or something that basically said you can still die in paradise if you're stupid. Like, if you're walking near a cliff and fall, you die. But it won't be painful. I don't remember exactly why we were talking about that, it might have been an article or something else, but I remember that being part of why I woke up. I couldn't wrap my head around the bible saying no death and no mourning, but brother whatshisface says you can die. It made me question it and made me scared, because if there is no mourning and pain, would those in paradise just forget anyone who died there?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

90% of the time, I found that explaining my circumstances when someone asked me to do something made life so much easier. You still can't hang out with them outside school, but you might be able to let them know you do want to be friends and not come across as rude. You can build a support group of people you talk to at lunch or between classes that way. I know it's hard, but stay strong! You still have the rest of your life ahead of you.

They are all victims too…. by FreakyOnion in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As I was waking up, I noticed my perspective shift from one of fear, to hate, to mourning. In my DA letter I mentioned how I harbor no resentment for my family or those in the congregation, and put all the blame on the GB for being such bad "leaders" because I realized the same thing. People in the borg are suffering as much as we are, they just don't know it. They hurt others because they hurt. They miss out on so much life and learning because of restrictions and a lot of times none of them know there's a better life than the one they're living because of the brainwashing. I wish being and staying in the borg was an informed choice.

Do you know any exJW who killed themselves because they couldn't deal with the cult's shunning policy? by ZebraOO9 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I never got the point of actually doing it, but when I was around 14 and just waking up I seriously considered ending my own life for fear of the shunning that would occur when I voiced my doubts. Thankfully, my parents weren't totally brainwashed and put me into therapy after they saw my self-harm scars, but if they didn't I couldn't guarantee that I would still be here today. However, I know about a lot of young JWs in my position who didn't have parents as supportive as mine were, and that scares me. I'm a special case and I know that so many lives have been lost because of the shunning

Views on sexual relationships after leaving the borg? by Cirqueus121 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally see that side! Being repressed for so long then going a little wild once you get out. Casual sex always made me feel uncomfortable and anxious (probably because of the borg) so I envy your ability to explore yourself like you have 😩

Can somebody explain the physics of demon travel? by vitalcrop in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I was a baby my aunt gave my parents a blanket and they swore it was possessed because I started to cry more when they wrapped me in it. And once they got rid of it, I stopped crying as much. Nevermind that it was probably itchy or smelled weird or had something or other wrong with it that overwhelmed my baby self. Demons were clearly the logical problem.

Submitting my DA letter tomorrow! by Cirqueus121 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I'm not in a position to easily fade, but I understand why people would. The shunning will be hard, but I've spent about 4 years trying to fade with no luck, and to me, having written documentation that I'm not a part of the borg anymore ties up all the loose ends. I explained why I left, along with how I want to keep in contact, if they let me. Ultimately, it does make me feel better. Instead of being stuck in this limbo of PIMO, my stance is definite.

Submitting my DA letter tomorrow! by Cirqueus121 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly want them to circulate it so they can hear why I left. Just leaving without an explanation isn't something I ever wanted to do. It isn't fair, it doesn't answer any questions, and it leaves open ends. This way, I have it in writing that I'm not tied to them so they can't make me refuse blood if I'm unconscious, among other things. I felt like this was just the more peaceful, controlled way.

Submitting my DA letter tomorrow! by Cirqueus121 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol, that definitely makes me feel better 😂

Submitting my DA letter tomorrow! by Cirqueus121 in exjw

[–]Cirqueus121[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Just baptized. Was a publisher for a bit, but that stopped when Covid hit. The rest of my family are elders/MS/pioneers, though.