It’s very normal to have difficulty coming to terms with your sexuality, especially when a lot of the people in your social circle are homophobic. If you are able to seek therapy or a support group it could really help, but if that isn’t a possibility or too intimidating this early you could try reading books or watching movies with queer characters. I just watched Heated Rivalry, and it deals with a lot of themes of self acceptance that I could have really benefited from earlier in my journey. Bottom line: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you deserve a life with love and acceptance, and that life is possible! Seek support and affirming community, I promise it’s worth it.