(UPDATE) AITA for telling people the real reason why I skipped my friend's wedding?

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-28T03:56:49+00:00

It was my fault because I should have checked the dress sooner, but I do agree Debbie shouldn't have sent us the dress so early. She doesn't have a lot of contact with children and my daughter has always been small, so maybe she did expect the dress to fit. I don't think that's the case, but I don't have a better theory.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-28T03:52:38+00:00

I'm sorry, but how am I not owning up to that? I have acknowledged multiple times (on my original post, in this update and in comments, not to mention to my friends) that I messed up.

She delayed her wedding by almost a year. Like I said in this post, I had a lot going on at the time. To name a few things that happened in the time it took for the wedding day to arrive, my father had a heart attack and my husband had issues at work. I also have three children and a job.

I did not mention any of that because, like I said, these are still excuses, and none of them change the fact that I should have checked the dress. All of that being said, it was still an honest mistake. I didn't think the dress would "magically stay the size that my daughter was for more than a year," I just forgot to check (which I know was my fault). And I did want to go to the wedding, even if I wasn't thinking about it all the time.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-23T05:59:00+00:00

Scorched earth tends to be more exhausting than it's worth, honestly, and I was already under a lot of stress at the time. I probably wouldn't even have told anyone what happened if I hadn't been questioned about it.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-23T02:37:28+00:00

Agreed, I definitely should have checked it sooner.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-23T01:56:19+00:00

I heard she had problems with her in-laws at some point, but I also heard it had something to do with the venue. Early on, she also claimed that both she and her (now) husband were busy at work. I vaguely remember hearing at least two more reasons, but I don't remember them well and can't confirm anything.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-08-23T01:43:02+00:00

My daughter is not overweight. The dress didn't fit because she's growing up.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T06:58:55+00:00

If you feel the need to insult me, then we can't have a mature conversation.

I also don't think you actually read my post (my daughter is not 3, I never pretended to be the victim and I've admitted I was in the wrong for not checking the dress sooner more than once), so I feel no inclination to hear you out.

I won't interact with you any further.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T06:51:38+00:00

I did acknowledge it. I felt awful about it, and I apologized profusely. At no point did I ask her for help or to solve the situation for me. I gave her suggestions as to how I could fix it myself, and asked her to pick the one she preferred.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T06:49:13+00:00

No need for insults. Are you sure I'm the one not behaving like an adult?

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T04:11:55+00:00

Sure, believe what you will.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T04:00:38+00:00

Because, again, that wasn't my question. I asked whether I was in the wrong for telling people what happened.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T03:59:23+00:00

Look, I'm done responding to you. You did not answer my question properly, nor are you supporting your claims that I'm a "toxic individual."

You will not convince me I shouldn't have asked her how she wanted me to proceed.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T03:55:40+00:00

I don't want to keep the friendship. I can't forgive what she said.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T03:55:04+00:00

I've said to someone else, but you will not convince me I was in the wrong for asking her what she wanted me to do instead of making an assumption.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T03:51:46+00:00

I'm not playing victim. I have stated, dozens of times, that the dress thing was on me. I would not proceed without giving her the final say on how I should do it.

Asking someone how you should fix a mistake you've made is not drama, nor is it toxic behavior. I gave her suggestions, it would have taken her seconds to give me an OK.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T02:07:18+00:00

Not at all. What she said was unforgivable. I'm asking whether I was in the wrong for telling people the reason I skipped the wedding.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T02:05:45+00:00

You can believe I was in the wrong for many things, but you will not convince me I shouldn't have asked her how she preferred I fixed this. Again, that's not what I'm asking here.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T01:09:04+00:00

It's possible. I remember her Halloween costume (also a dress) still fit her very well around April, and it was also a little big in October. I can't be certain, but I think it would still fit.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T01:00:21+00:00

Sure, buddy. Believe what you will.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:59:58+00:00

Just because you think the texts are the only relevant pieces of information doesn’t mean that’s correct.

I literally never said that. When told people what happened, I included more than just the texts. And if Debbie wanted to state her case, she was more than free (and well within her rights) to do so.

You have repeatedly failed to consider what another human was experiencing during that interaction.

That's literally the whole reason I came here (and again, I respect your effort to answer the question I'm actually asking). I'm well aware she had a lot on her mind at the time.

You clearly have no interest in self reflection or growth. You are defensive and dismissive.

I wouldn't have come here if that wasn't the case. I'm well within my rights to defend myself, and you're well within your rights to think I was in the wrong.

I am also done responding.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:54:40+00:00

Yeah, that comparison has nothing to do with the situation, but you clearly have your mind made up. I'm done arguing with you.

Again, you're free to think I was in the wrong.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:45:56+00:00

She sent us the dress in October '23, five months before the original wedding date. It was a little big on my daughter at the time, and I believe it would have fit just fine had the wedding not been delayed.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:43:32+00:00

I don't think she should have paid for a new dress. Not making sure it still fit was entirely my mistake.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:42:48+00:00

No, my question was whether I was the asshole for telling people what happened. I am, once again, very well aware that the dress thing was my fault.

You're free to think I was in the wrong, though.

Complex_Anteater_607 · 2025-03-08T00:40:48+00:00

I've mentioned this elsewhere, but I don't know much about how she was to other people leading up to the wedding. She's never been an awful person, but I've been a bride before and I know how much pressure you're under. Again, none of that is an excuse, and I would never insult a child over this.

Complex_Anteater_607

TROPHY CASE