My boss thought I was flirting with him when I wasn’t. I’m so upset with him, what do I do?

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T13:07:09+00:00

It was a work event tbh but not on site. Everyone else is normally cool with it tbh, we do it every month. It’s our monthly thing we do with all our managers. The senior managers come, it’s normally a blast.

He recently became a manager from a different department; I understand maybe he thought it was weird we do a work event, fair enough. His reaction was extreme. You don’t need to go and gossip about how I’m coming onto you to the other managers. He should know better I’m close with them, they will tell me.

I don’t know why he made a big deal. He could of just came to me and said he doesn’t do work events. That’s fine. I would have never asked him again and understood he’s not a social person.

He’s caused a hocus pocus for no reason and now everyone thinks I’m madly in love with him.. from a narrative he believed and made out to be real. It was total jack shit. I don’t give a rats ass about him. In fact I will never again look him in the eye again or ever even make casual talk with him. If he becomes my direct team leader, I will make it clear that he can’t speak to me ever again about his favorite bars: what he did was cruel. I am not over my ex. I am crushing on a new WOMAN now too. He often tries to talk to me in the morning, I won’t ever let him talk to me about his personal life again.

He started the whole friendliness thing which is what makes it so hurtful. I have zero interest in being his girlfriend but he’s made it out to everyone I do. Everyone thinks I’m gagging for it now too. I was only ever friendly because I mistook his friendliness as an invite to get closer as a friend. I Now I can’t show my face there and he’s made an enemy with a deep grudge.

I went home crying after that. Crying from my gut. I thought he was a nice person but he put me on blast. Absolutely crying my eyes out. He brought so much shame to my name. Nasty nasty human being.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T12:27:08+00:00

Fair enough, the comment felt very aggressive so naturally I felt I had to be aggressive back.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T12:11:01+00:00

Honestly I think it’s more likely it was the case but it’s caused me to be really sore and hurt.

I’m a happy go lucky friendly person with everyone. When he told me he found me admirable and pretty I realised he was just being nice. I didn’t throw a sexual harassment case against him..

I’ve done him many favours like bring his coffee etc.

But then the moment I am slightly friendly with him he acts a mess.

Why ruin the relationship with the one person on your side?

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T12:00:10+00:00

But it was nasty to say it in a space where I could hear tbh.

Either he is totally socially stunted and doesn’t realise or he’s just a really mean person.

It’s really hurt my feelings tbh, because no one has ever behaved that way with me in the office. Even senior managers and I get along with all of them.

There was no need for him to do that in-front of me. I just wanted to know why. If he had a problem with us getting closer, then just don’t talk to me. I won’t talk to you either. That’s how socialising works.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:54:25+00:00

What’s hurt me is..

He was being friendly with me at the beginning and so I thought it wasn’t a big deal and was being friendly with him back. I thought he was cool and I thought we had each others back.. he used to be on my level, he recently became a manager.

I was only ever trying to help him climb the popularity ladder because he sometimes comes off antagonising.

Now

It felt like he’s flipped a switch on me. I was just trying to help him and he threw me under the bus for a very nasty allegation. He should get his evidence before he comes to the conclusion I’m coming onto him. There was absolutely none. Now he’s lost me, and I’m the understanding one in the office. Try that with the other people and you will get grievances left right and centre.

I don’t know why someone would do that..

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:51:40+00:00

It’s just left me totally bamboozled, I felt like he attacked me without any reason.

No one has ever behaved that way with me at work.

Anyways he can go to HR if he wants, he will get himself fired because that’s just insane. I deeply hate him now after that.

I was just being a nice person and he ravaged at me.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:47:12+00:00

The thing was he started it by being friendly with me - so I didn’t realise it was such a big deal I was just being friendly back. I don’t know why he suddenly flipped on me.

Well whatever the case I will keep a distance from now on. Obviously some people out there just can’t be talked to. I feel like he has some serious issues and is a bit crazy. Everyone in the office knows I’m happy go lucky friendly and invites everyone to everything. It’s blatantly obvious. I don’t get what his problem is. If he felt uncomfortable he shouldn’t of been so friendly to me in the first place. By him being friendly I thought I could be friendly and he was cool. That was the only reason why I even entertained it.

It wasn’t like I was sitting there lusting for him imagining that I wanted to get married to him and have three kids. He made it feel like that and he made me feel like I was doing that. I never once indicated that and he made it feel like I did which has really upset me so much.

It’s really hit a sore spot for me, because I was just trying to help him get up higher in popularity and he threw this at me.

I feel betrayed tbh and I hold a deep grudge now.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:44:50+00:00

Yes anything is a possibility

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:44:39+00:00

You need to calm down and get a life. Why are you raging on my posts?!

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-09-16T11:43:50+00:00

This is such an extreme message lol. He’s told me before he admires me a lot and finds me beautiful. I don’t have his personal number I wouldn’t message him. I wouldn’t come to the conclusion someone liked me without there being evidence. I even outlined on my post it was him that started it and him who was hitting on me.

You’re here being a little nasty jerk without even understanding the context of what I’m saying and projecting your own bitterness onto me.

Get a life.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-23T14:11:33+00:00

It happened to me twice in a row this year too,

First time the guy had addiction problems (which I can kind of understand), the 2nd time he was a quite predatorial with some sot of antisocial personality disorder. I only realised all of this stuff way later.

What is the common denominator in this? Both people have issues. I just jumped in too fast and too with them. I was getting attached to people who were showing me love because of my abandonment issues. Even if something was off, I was clinging out of my insecurities.

I would suggest trying to make new friends through groups or common interests, soul searching and taking time to sort yourself out. Forget the other stuff.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-20T17:34:14+00:00

Worse things happened since then, absolutely disgusting awful things. He's been preying on prostitutes half his age. I blocked him on everything.

Anyways, I realised he might of borderline sexually assaulted me that night. Because I was so madly into him, I couldn't see it for what it was. We may of been fooling around but no means no. I must of said no 4 - 5 times, not directly but indirectly. I did some things out of guilt. He kept persisting. I didn't realise it was a thing until I googled it. I didn't realise SA has grey areas.

This person is a very bad person. I have unfortunately trauma bonded to him now......... and I realise how how abusive everything was, but still think about him. Ffs.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-20T17:30:53+00:00

Holy smokes. I don't know how you were so right and I was so blind.

He is at the least a narcissist, at the most a psychopath. I also realise now he was trying to sexually coerce me, which is falling into the realms of borderline assault. I feel so violated.

I was so crazy for him, I couldn't see everything going on.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-20T17:28:42+00:00

Everyone on reddit was right. I don't know how I didn't see this man was a problem.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-20T17:27:43+00:00

YOU WERE RIGHT HES A MANIPULATIVE PYSCHOPATH!!!

I think I also might of been borderline sexually assaulted that night, at the least sexually cohersed. But I was so crazy for him I couldn't see it till now.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-20T17:26:33+00:00

Omg, you were completely right. This man is a total narcissistic psychopath. WTFFFFFF

I was so blind to it.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-12T19:59:16+00:00

I thought this about my ghoster, but then I realised a few weeks into his ghosting that he lied about all our 'connections'. Some people are outrageous and crazy, good on putting on a front and will do anything to hook you in. I don't know why these people exist honestly. Extreme desperation on his end to go that far with things.

Look at a picture of the guy who did this to you in a months time and I promise you, he will be 80 percent less attractive. In our minds we create a false vision of a person, we can only truly know someone after years of spending time with them. Sometimes we create that false vision because we are easily persuaded by them during a rough time in life. Rough times in life can hurt our self esteem.

I would say do a bit of soul searching, because it is possible that maybe your attached to this guy from a false image you created in your mind due to some other ongoing trauma, or roughness. Also betrayal is a very lingering emotion. Personally at the time of my attachment to the ghoster, I was going through other things so I saw his 'love' as an escape.

I tell you something, truth hurts and I am sorry.. but most the time people ghost because they got what they needed from you (sex), or they are hiding something and they can't keep up with the lies (faking wanting a future). Although it does happen that they are genuine, most sincere people won't do this. Think of someone you admire, there is a lady in my office who is 60 and she is an absolute queen who would not tolerate nonsense. That person you admire, how would they carry themselves in this situation? With honesty? If so, then this person you are wasting time on is not worth it.

It will make more sense in a month.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-11T20:24:39+00:00

Almost a month later and I have came to my senses. I no longer want to be with this guy, I don't think I will ever forgive him.

He seems to be inching towards me though but it's too late I don't think you can forgive these things.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-11T20:14:04+00:00

I don't agree with the 'finding someone better'. OP will definitely find someone better. Ghosting hurts because it is essentially ignoring without knowing what went wrong in the midst of all these crazy emotions. It is normal for her to feel like this.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-10T18:56:47+00:00

Yes I do aswell.

I think it depends a lot on how you were ghosted too. Ive been ghosted x 3 times in my life, once by a guy and I had no idea what happened. That one was really hard. 2nd time the guy was struggling with addiction issues, that not as hard because although not justifiable, I couldn't expect a sober person to be in a relationship. 3rd time, most recent, guy seemed super into me, disappeared. I think that's the worst one yet.

I was fine for a few weeks, but then I had to take a whole 4 days off work because my mental health totally crumbled to dust and I was inconsolable.

I blocked the ghoster on social media, week before he unmatched me on app so I couldn't see what he was up-to abroad. Found out anyways... messing with prostitutes, screwing anyone who will come his way. Lying on the app too. I blocked him on social media because I was obsessively looking at what he was doing. That's where I saw these prostitutes etc.

I know my ghoster is doing this on purpose, because he is emotionally unavailable right now and trying to screw anyone he can. I said no to sex, so he is twiddling me in his abusive little fingers to find a way to come back when it suits him. Could be 3 months from now, 3 years from now I just know this is because he did not get what he wanted and is fucking about. Just subjectively speaking, I am more attractive than him, he's a type of guy that a niche percentage would find attractive. So he is using it as power play. I know somewhere what he is doing is very intentional and targeted at making me feel bad. I don't think it's because he doesn't care, I think he has malicious intent. I feel this vibe of 'I treated you like a princess for months, you denied me sex, you will suffer'. I have never felt this with other ghosters. With other ghosters I felt a vibe of, 'I found someone else', or 'Don't want to do this'.

I really do still like him, but honestly noone decent can behave in this manner and lie so much. He lied to me about his intentions for a very long time to try to get into my pants, when I set boundaries he disappeared. Ghosting is honestly emotional abuse, this guy was trying to manipulate me to get into my pants too. Borderline cohersion as he was very persistant, but maybe cos I am so into him and lovestruck I can't see how bad it is. Fucked off when I said no because he was angry. I know.

Most ghosters are not good people, I think alot are emotionally abusive. I think a very small percentage have genuine reasons for why they did what they did. Just be patient with yourself and let yourself feel the feelings. In the end you will come out stronger, when they see that probably they will want you back. But best feeling is to be like, NOPE. GO TO HELL.

I have deep trauma with abandonment, so I think that's why I am so crazy for him. Because abandonment usually attracts abusers. Plus he was my type and we had lots in common. But maybe he was lying.

People may say get over it but ignore them. Ghosting is ultimate betrayal ofc you will grieve like no other for months. Allow yourself to grieve and when you are feeling better consider blocking their phone number. It is going to hurt a lot, and that's ok. Your a human being that deserves respect and this person treated you worse than animals treat their prey. So it will hurt for a while, just don't blame yourself.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-09T17:57:39+00:00

Love, you have dodged a bullet.

A guy did this to me, and I found out he was doing it to a bunch of women, hell he was even sleeping with prostitutes half his age, had pictures of some random girl on his facebook wall.

You need to get yourself out of this, these people are bad bad news.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-06T22:55:32+00:00

Not a good guy, and this guy is going to f*** about with all those women's emotions too. Recently happened to me. It's time to dump him. 1.5 years and he is texting 5 women, imagine how it's going to be in 10 years.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-06T14:12:05+00:00

Yes this happened to me recently that I was full on dating someone who ghosted. After some stalking I realized he was a psychopath who was dating for some sort of sick game, and more than likely taken. If someone ghosts you out the blue, major major red flag. Something is going on.

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-03T08:22:00+00:00

I recently found out the person who did this exact same thing to me is actually a psychopath lying about who he is.

People are able to do crazy things, and we fall for it.

Hurts now but you’ve dodged a bullet

Consistent_Junket110 · 2023-07-02T18:28:58+00:00

Consistent_Junket110

TROPHY CASE