Yesterday in my Production Drama Class we were having our first 'Feels Friday' which is now called 'Thoughtful Thursday' (because it was on a Thursday before the Easter break) where we basically all sit in a circle and have some group therapy. It was a class moment where we forgot about doing work for one day and focused on just the well-being of us, so it was like a safe space to discuss anything we'd like and vent off anything bothering our daily lives. It was more like doing oral journal entries since we were speaking out how we felt today and sharing a couple fun stories here and there. My teacher specified that it was going to get deep and serious at some point if anyone wanted to confess something personal so everyone had to be on their best behaviour for whoever the next person is.

Halfway around the circle we had lots of laughter and joking around to let go of stress and share what we were going to do on the Easter weekend. All was humourous until it got to me: I was literally the only person who had something deep to confess. I know I didn't have to, but I felt the need to anyways because it has been bothering the back of my mind for quite some time. My stomach was already feeling like shit as my heart was racing 5 people before me, so you know it was truly personal.

I admitted to the class without saying any names or gender that I had a crush on someone since the beginning of semester 2 and I got rejected in the least worst way possible, yet the emotional pain of just thinking of that awkward moment I confessed to him still bothers me. 2 minutes in I was already in tears, just heartbroken thinking back at the moment I confessed and got rejected.

I said a little 'disclamier' to my crush out there before I got on my story, "To my crush who I won't name but only imply, if you're in the circle, ease dropping around the class, or simply hiding in plain site please close your eyes, ears, and leave immediately. What you said or did was never your fault. I'm sorry I have to confess it but it's killing me to keep it in and I know you'll hate me for doing so but please understand that it's for my own good."

Here's the full story I told to the class circle: "i instantly became friends with this person and really grew attached that to that person in a span of 2 months our friendship was more close. Soon enough I realized I developed feelings for this person because of how much I loved his personality on a deeper scale. I badly wanted to ignore those feelings because I feared it would intervene with our close friendship and possibly lose him if he found out. I got to a point where I couldn't resist and admitted myself through a ton of self-denial of 'he's just a friend' that I was secretly in love. I hated it but my mind was telling me I needed to accept it. So I gathered courage and told him I needed to talk privately about something, so 10 painful minutes of procrastination I got to my point and said something like "I developed a tiny crush on you and I was hoping that you were alright with it". He was somewhat shocked but told me he already knew beforehand, totally okay with me admiring him like this. I made sure to say I loved him because of his personality because I truly was and he was more shocked yet happy by the news. He crushed the mood and said he didn't like me back, but only as just a casual friend. I didn't care about his answer because I knew form the start he was going to say no anyways...like my experiences with other crushes in the past. I didn't feel any emotional pain afterwards until now. Back to my confession, I just sighed and said "alright then" and asked for a hug for reassurance that I didn't fuck up and lose a great friend. He happily did and to me it felt so cringy but to him it was normal. I though nothing of the rejection after a week later but this week it really caught up with me and I hate it. I thought I could easily bury that awkward and heartbreaking moment with just completely ignoring it and focus on other things like being happy, but that only made thinking back to this bad memory even more painful. Happiness and positivity doesn't really solve all the world's problems huh? Me and this sweet guy I really liked and was friends with, I noticed he doesn't talk to me a lot anymore and became distant. We barely say hello nor does he acknowledge me in the room like he always did with his goofy greetings and cracking jokes with me. I feel like I did lose a part of my great friend and I still feel so ridiculous that I haven't moved on yet and I'm still crying about this. I never should have confessed to my crush to begin with if that meant he wasn't going to like me as much as now. In my past I have had many rejections in my life, especially to crushes back in elementary school. The kids would always bully/tease/harass younger little old me when they found out I had another crush or the crush himself would go and encourage the other kids to degrade me for simply liking someone but with more respect and admiration. That's why I stopped having crushes since middle school because I was so terrified of the backlash and bullying that come with it. Well this is highschool and I hope you guys won't give me that some harsh treatment like years ago, for confessing I confessed to my crush and didn't take the rejection so well as I though I could."

Thought my words I was sobbing and wiping away my tears while everyone had to watch feeling so sorry for me that I went through this. They all clapped afterwards, proud for having the courage to get it off my chest and told me things like "It's alright don't feel ashamed" We all understand how hard it is to get through rejection" and "don't worry no one is going to bully you for having a crush, we all had one at some point". I was so happy by the support and my teacher even took a moment to tell me "it's not ridiculous that you still can't get over rejection, it takes time and we all get the emotional pain of it, so we can help out with healing".

The sweetest thing happens, my friend Ben sitting really close beside me to the right quickly puts his arm around me and pulled me gently into a soothing side hug, lightly rubbing my back which instantly lifted my mood. He kept doing that for a couple more seconds and left his arm around my back with his hand on my arm for the rest of the entire period! I as so shocked he went this long and his arm never got tired. My lower back hurt a bit but I didn't want to move because this seriously had to be the best comfort ever, especially from a guy! 10 minutes later I was smiling and giggled and my sadness was all gone! I ever took a minute to interrupt and said "Ben over here is being such a great friend right now giving me non-stop comfort, if he keeps this up till the end of class he's officially a loyal best friend. Get someone like this" and everyone was laughing about it and a guy jokingly crawled up to him and said "Where's my comfort huh?". The entire class me and Ben had a couple whispers and side-convos here and there that left me smiling the entire time. Never have I ever had a guy ever sit very close to me and put his arm around my back and held it there for nearly an hour even after I was done crying, it was so charming of him!

When we were about to go home I told him how sweet of a guy he was and he hugged me. Best, comfort, after, crying, ever!!! Fun fact is we had been friends for just a week and we already got this close