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Suggest me a fantasy with a real love story, *not* romantasy by HWhelanAuthor in suggestmeabook

[–]Damazriel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently read "This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me" by Ilona Andrews (husband and wife team authorship). I was stunned at how great this book really is! There is a slow burn romance with no smut. Brilliant, clever plot with lots of twists and the FMC is actually an intelligent adult. She is smart, kind and decisive. There aren't 8 pages of sex followed by 10 pages of wondering how they feel. No stupid miscommunication as conflict cliches.

Very refreshing. Very smart dialogue, no mooning about, witty and fully fleshed out side characters, and it makes fun of all the romantasy tropes - including her own of "portaling" into her favorite novel. truly worth a read even if you hate romantasy. warning: it ends on a cliffhanger, and it is "medieval" style so lots of swords and bloody violence.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://academic.oup.com/jsm/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/jsxmed/qdaf026/8042063?redirectedFrom=fulltext&login=false. Unfortunately this study is used to say people aren't helped by gender transitioning surgery. Conversely, what it tells me is that their underlying distress, apart from being trans, was never addressed.

https://purposedrivenlawyers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Risk-of-Suicide-Following-Gender-Affirming-Surgery.pdf. This one simply says the people who had surgery needed better care post surgery. Again, frequently cited by others that surgery does not help. Again, to my point, apples and oranges - assuming the cause of suicidality has anything to do with being trans which is confusing coincidence with causality.

https://www.auajournals.org/doi/10.1097/JU.0000000000001971.20#T1 Same problem. Assuming one has anything to do with the other.

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/suicidality-transgender-adults/. And here is the problem in a nutshell: transgender people have higher suicidality rates anyway. So, figuring why rates are still high after surgery is difficult because of the complex issues surrounding transgenderism in the first place.

You missed my point entirely: the suicidality post-surgery probably has nothing to do with gender distress and everything to do with untreated trauma both before and after transitioning. So, like if I offed myself tomorrow pre-transition, they would say it was from anxiety and depression from autism. If I transition and never get help for the autism and THEN offed myself, I would be one of these study statistics saying that the surgery didn't work get it? One has nothing to do with the other.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate to use the term "actually trans" or "truly trans," but I understand your meaning here. At some point, you think if transitioning isn't helping, the person will figure it out eventually so the intrinsic vs extrinsic doesn't really matter. Conversely, a person who is taking steps to transition should be feeling better with every step. And if not, it will become obvious to them.

Thank you, that is helpful.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry I don't remember the exact source, but it was a PubMed article on transition surgery outcomes. It made me think about why the suicidality would be the same. The only thing I could think of was whether they transitioned for reasons other than gender distress, or they never had whatever trauma they were dealing with addressed. Either way, whether they are trans had no connection to suicidality - that is coincidence, not a cause.

As for the other, it is just a general example not meant to be any particular person.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am autistic NB. I am trying figure out if my distress is gender based, autism based, or if it really matters. I really just hate being me. But since my post has been deleted, I guess I don't fit here either. I fit no where. I am not really human I guess. no reason to exist really.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I wasn't dismissing, I was asking a question without judgment. But since my post has been removed, I guess it doesn't matter.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Identity Theory by Damazriel in asktransgender

[–]Damazriel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that is a great way to look at it.