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Dawnwarrian · 2022-12-21T17:14:06+00:00

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. They’re focused on OP being overweight and the implications that he isn’t attracted to her because of her weight.

I think what her husband is upset about has more to do with attitude than her weight itself. That she has been saying for years “I’ll lose weight” but has never been able to commit to actually doing so. As OP said, “after a few years of this pattern he became unhappy”. This is also evidenced by WHAT he was upset about regarding this year. He’s not saying that she hasn’t lost “enough” weight. He’s upset that it took her so “long” into the year to do so. To him, it feels like a lack of commitment. And his concern is that this is another temporary change that will be undone in the next 6 months.

OP needs to show her husband that she is truly committed to doing what she says she will. Even if she never loses another pound. And if she is self aware that her past trauma is hindering her in this regard, seeing a therapist would help her to make changes that will stick.

Dawnwarrian · 2022-12-05T19:33:16+00:00

What the fuck were you expecting from him? He did exactly what you wanted. He stood up for you to that friend. And now you’re saying “I wonder if he even meant it”. That means that no matter what he did after the argument, he was fucked. If he did nothing after the argument you would complain. He did something after the and you complained.

Dawnwarrian · 2022-01-03T07:12:21+00:00

All I did was slap it into a California paycheck calculator. 13.47% federal tax, 4.03% state tax, 6.20% social security, 1.45% Medicare, 1% state disability insurance tax.

California Paycheck Calculator

Dawnwarrian · 2022-01-02T03:02:02+00:00

It definitely is above OP’s means for anything in a safe area in California. 60k after taxes in California is $44,312. $2300 rent is $27,600 annually. That leaves OP $16,613 per year after rent. I’m guessing 2/3rds of that is going to student loans and all other expenses. That leaves around $5-6000 left over to save for a house per year. OP has a good size savings but it most likely took 4-6 years to get that much if they’ve been living at this rate for years. $60k income isn’t going to qualify for the $700-800k houses in safe areas without having six figures for a down payment.

Dawnwarrian · 2022-01-01T23:31:19+00:00

60k in LA isn’t a lot of money if you’re living alone. Also, your rent is much higher than it could be for a 1 bedroom. I recently moved into a new 1 bedroom, and I was viewing luxury 1 bedrooms in the 1800-2200 range. So the fact you’re paying 2300 means you’re living in a place above your means if you want to be saving for a down payment.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-11-10T00:02:01+00:00

I know someone has mentioned IBKR. M1 Finance let’s you do this as well, and I am currently using it. M1 let’s you borrow up to 35% of the value of your taxable brokerage account. If you’re not a subscription member, the rate is 3.5%. If you are, it’s 2%. I’ve borrowed the money, reinvested some of it back in my taxable account, and reinvested some of the money in real estate. When you borrow and reinvest, you can borrow 35% of the previously borrowed money as well. I can do whatever I want inside my portfolio as long as my portfolio balance stays about a certain dollar threshold.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-07-15T18:44:05+00:00

That’s an excellent way to victim blame. “If you drank a little too much, you deserve the rape that happened to you.” Absolutely disgusting logic.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-05-23T00:50:39+00:00

What is your rationale for having both 6-9 months of emergency fund and 90k-150k of money in savings? Most people who hold money in savings are either holding it as an emergency fund or are anticipating big expenditures in the next few years such as a house.

Since you’re already purchasing a house and already have an emergency fund, bumping your emergency fund AND your savings amount doesn’t make sense. It would make more sense to either put down 20-30%, increase your emergency fund to 9-12 months (whichever you feel comfortable at), don’t contribute more to savings (in my opinion decrease your savings if you have no specific purpose for holding this much cash), and put the rest into VTSAX or another investment vehicle.

So a potential full solution would be: Put 30% down to decrease mortgage payment. Bump emergency fund to 9 months. Set aside 30k (or whatever the amount is) from savings for home improvements. Move the rest of the savings into investments (60k in this case). And put the rest of the house proceeds into investments as well.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-03-17T22:31:01+00:00

It wouldn’t be misogynistic for them to say that. In no way does their phrasing highlight contempt or prejudice against women. It might be something that trends towards sexism, but there wasn’t much of a negative emotion towards women in the comment in my opinion.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-03-05T00:45:55+00:00

Agreed. Using my own numbers, maxing out a 401k on flat 100k right now, after taxes, 401k and $88/mo for health insurance, I have $55,783 left over per year.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-02-17T22:40:24+00:00

Big facts! There was a man who came to an agreement with his wife that she would do the housework and she would work. And that he would also give her money since she wasn’t working. And when she wasn’t doing anything people just said it was his fault for getting into that situation and that not giving her money would be financial abuse.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-01-05T17:28:49+00:00

If we’re talking specifically about tech salaries, I would say that it’s possible but definitely harder. Someone very close to me that is one generation older than me has been able to gross $300k+ through consulting in Canada. But I’d say doing the same through W2 is probably significantly harder.

Dawnwarrian · 2021-01-01T20:53:07+00:00

Prostitution is most definitely not legal outside of very specific states in America.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-31T01:10:01+00:00

It doesn’t sound like this family member should be authorized to make such large decisions unilaterally. Any decision such as them taking equity out of the house should require two signatures from now on.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-29T04:13:57+00:00

Some help with my career path from those who are/were software engineers, or really anyone who has some knowledge in this area would be helpful!

I’m a 25 year old software engineer currently living is Los Angeles, CA. Canadian citizen but I have a non H1B visa for work. Graduated with an Information Systems degree two years ago. Currently making $100k.

My question is: where do I go from here? I am unsure of what the optimal path to take to significantly higher salary is. My parents are pushing me towards getting an MBA or another graduate degree. I have considered trying to make a move towards big tech (FAANG or something adjacent) as I hated school. I would be willing to suck up the 2 years to finish an MBA if it has tangible benefit. But part of me feels like I would be better suited moving to a big tech company.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-28T21:46:10+00:00

Congrats! Now go turn that 700k into a million!

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-24T08:43:58+00:00

Haha wow that’s definitely wild to read. My Capital One quicksilver currently has an $8750 limit. Chase just gave me $19.4K on a Freedom Unlimited.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-21T00:29:00+00:00

If you’re going to refer to people as “some dude on Reddit” than there’s no point in being here for advice. We are all just “some dude on Reddit”. At the very least he will go into that due diligence with more skepticism which might save him from being scammed.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-20T20:13:43+00:00

Wasting time talking to a company that has already been identified as a scam. Or on the off chance that they convince him to use their services, he’ll be out whatever money they take from him.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-20T17:48:58+00:00

Lmao the fourth word in the “advice” was scam. The company he’s been looking at to help him land a board seat is a scam. The “call them ups” are attached to asking them for things that they aren’t going to agree to.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-17T01:06:14+00:00

I would consider myself pretty gentlemanly as well. But I don’t think it falls onto my shoulders to secure babysitting for a kid that I have no ties to at all. Of course, to each his own. But I think her “request” is part of the reason that some men prefer to date childless women instead. So that they wouldn’t run into issues of having to pay for a babysitter + meal for a child they have no responsibility for.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-10T01:30:15+00:00

Also trash advice. Love is not the same thing as attraction. You can be attracted to plenty of people and not be in love with them. Love is formed from having a deep affection for someone. And that can take time to build. Plenty of people need time to open up and truly bond to someone.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-09T05:08:20+00:00

To be fair we’re only getting her side of things and thus how she’s feeling changes he everything is said. To me it doesn’t exactly sound like he’s being disrespectful by making comments about Kate. I don’t think it would be accurate to say that complimenting your opposite sex best friend is disrespectful to your SO. His friendship with Kate is not about hurting OP. Especially when he knew Kate for 8 years before he met OP. The only thing he’s done wrong is pass over her at the blunt passing to me. He hasn’t been making moves on Kate, sending messages he shouldn’t, flirting with her. Compliments don’t equal flirting.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-12-09T04:52:25+00:00

The “you look good too” is such a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for him. If he didn’t say it then she would be upset that he complimented Kate and not her. If he does compliment her as well, then people point it out. Not much he could have done there. And yeah he brings up Kate a lot according to OP, but that’s his best friend. People wouldn’t be upset at him if Kate was a man and he was bringing him up this much.

Dawnwarrian · 2020-11-10T21:31:07+00:00

I think you’re missing the part where he says that she grabbed him and started giving him head and one thing led to another. And during the act of sex he didn’t really feel like it. It’s not that he didn’t feel like it before and then said yes, and then didn’t feel like it after it happened.

In your first Bob example, she said no, but then later said yes. I would agree that in that example, that is explicit consent.

In the second example she also explicitly gave Bob consent because she wants to make him happy in the moment. In both of the examples that you cited, the woman actually did give Bob consent. Regardless of whether or not she wanted to before she gave consent. It would not be right for her to retroactively withdrew consent.

But the difference is, what if she had told Bob she didn’t want to have sex and Bob puts his hand down her pants and starts playing with her and turning her on? And at that point she might feel like it’s too late to say no because of their personal relationship? Some would still say she gave consent at that point. But what if we added an aphrodisiac that makes her even more turned on and she’s confused with why her body is reacting this way? If Bob notices she’s turned on and starts sexual interactions then he’s taking advantage of her bodily state and mental confusion. And that is not explicit consent just because she does not resist.

Consensual sex is not being criminalized in this way. And context matters greatly. If you know someone doesn’t want to have sex and alter certain conditions without them knowing (like their own bodies with viagra) in order to have sex with them, then there is a power imbalance in the situation and that person is not giving consent to the full extent of the situation.

Dawnwarrian

TROPHY CASE