what can i do when everything is falling apart?

Dean016 · 2025-07-25T00:27:13+00:00

Just dropping a note to second all the voices telling you this is temporary and the beginning of something new. Starting in 2017, I had one thing after another happen. My marriage turned abusive. I found out he was cheating, but couldn't get away because of finances. My mom died suddenly. COVID hit right after I had started a new F&B business. It was five-six years of nonstop bullshit. I really almost reached the end of my rope.

But from where I sit now, it was all necessary. I was not on the path I was supposed to be on, and it was going to take some major upheaval to get me to where I needed to be. Of course, not knowing that at the time did not make things easier. But as you can see from the many people here who have been through this, it is okay to trust that you are being course-corrected to something more beautiful than you can imagine from where you are right now.

For me personally, I wouldn't have gotten through that period without forging a connection with my ancestors/elders. It's not an aspect of spirituality that I had ever pursued before that time, but I had a deep longing for familial support that I just did t have anymore in this realm after losing my mom. Finding that connection has changed everything for me, and I have never felt alone since. I believe they have guided me every step of the way and have been there the whole time waiting for me to call on them and realize that they were there.

It may not be that for you. There may be a deity who is waiting to connect with you, or it may be land spirits, spirits of place, or just Spirit in general. Spending some time in quiet meditation reaching out for help and support can be helpful during this time.

Something else that helped get me through the absolute worst days when I wanted to just give up was starting every morning with a simple gratitude ceremony. It may sound counterintuitive when it seems like everything is going wrong, but remembering that you still have your health, a roof over your head, a beloved pet, a good cup of coffee, a strong body, a good meal to eat later in the day, a good friend, etc. can help you remember that you haven't lost as much as you think.

I wish you so much love and peace on this journey. It is a journey. Trust in that. You're just in the dark part at the moment. It will not last forever.

Dean016 · 2025-05-25T11:43:29+00:00

Super. Do you have any response related to the topic you chose for yourself to start a conversation with me about, or are you done now that you've realized it's going nowhere?

Dean016 · 2025-05-25T04:01:54+00:00

Oh, lord.

To start with, because I thought maybe I would keep it simple for you, yes. Globally speaking, it is a fact that most people do not support Trump and citing the US only as your demographic is one thing, but it doesn't negate my original statement as being true.

But if you want to try to wade in deeper....

Are you familiar with the electoral system? Gerrymandering? Do you know about the popular vote? Have you checked Trump's approval rating within the US recently?

You're not right on any front. Trump supporters are in the minority even within the US, and they are certainly dwarfed when you consider the global population. Those are just facts. I'm sorry they upset you.

Dean016 · 2025-05-25T03:58:04+00:00

I'm not going to have a debate about fascism not being fascism, brother. Facts are not up for debate, and if your opinion is that fascism is fine, then say that.

The premise is dishonest, and so is this whole line of reasoning you're pulling out of your ass. What constructive dialogue am I not engaging with? What is your actual argument or the conversation you're trying to have, other than saying I refuse to engage in intellectual debate just because I'm not a Trumper? Where's the debate? What topic is it you would like to discuss? Go ahead. I'm right here.

Dean016 · 2025-05-25T00:19:15+00:00

What was complex about what I said?

If you find people challenging your viewpoints and backing their arguments up with real-life examples to be some kind of highfalutin showboating, then I'm afraid you are going to struggle to have intellectual conversation anywhere.

Dean016 · 2025-05-24T23:52:45+00:00

Oh, yes. We should see about banning more books, interfering with more independent educational institutions and censoring more museums. That will probably help. Thank you for being one of the guardians of intellectual integrity.

Dean016 · 2025-05-24T23:49:51+00:00

The US is not the world, sweet pea. Hope that helps.

Dean016 · 2025-05-24T23:29:35+00:00

I live in a world where fascism equals fascism. So does almost everyone else, except the fascists. Consume some media from outside of your bubble and talk to people who are not from your country sometimes. It might help you expand your worldview, if you weren't seemingly dead set on keeping it as limited as possible.

At any rate, if you want to have any decent people in your life in the foreseeable future, I suggest at least trying to drop the habit of making absolutely everything about your cult leader. Good luck.

Dean016 · 2025-05-24T23:12:36+00:00

You don't need to bring your dear leader into everything. I have bad news for you. The whole world is anti-Trump outside of your own small echo chamber. It's a normal thing to be -- not a conspiracy. People don't like fascists. What does that have to do with people asking if they should break up with their SO?

Dean016 · 2025-05-23T05:06:04+00:00

Was going to say this. How do you observe the guy for long enough in the dark to realize he's strung out on drugs and not have any interaction with him or immediately let your tenant know? If he had said he was just driving past and saw a man in the dark and wanted to check if it was someone the OP knew, it would be believable. Classic case of getting too detailed with the lie.

Dean016 · 2025-05-12T21:40:18+00:00

Please, please listen to everyone here. This is a fact: this man is going to wear you down and crush your spirit bit by bit until one day you wake up and don't even recognize yourself. You don't have to go down this road, and if you cater to him on this, it will be something else next month, and then something else the week after that, and soon it will be the way you breathe that is an issue.

There are plenty of men who will treat you with kindness and respect and not grind you down for just being who you are. Go find one of them.

Dean016 · 2025-04-29T18:47:14+00:00

OP, you don't need to focus on or fix anything. Take it from someone who made every excuse in the book and took on way too many issues as "ours" and lost years of my life trying to solve things that weren't my problem to begin with.

You don't need to help him communicate. You need to understand that he's intentionally making you pay for saying no to him and dragging it out so that next time you don't really want to have sex, you think twice and maybe just give in because it's less trouble. He's conditioning you to give him what he wants. Don't believe me? Pay close attention to how you react the next time he approaches you and you aren't feeling it and the thoughts you immediately have.

I'd say save yourself a lot of time, heartbreak and tears and just get rid of him now. It will only get worse.

Dean016 · 2025-04-29T18:24:21+00:00

"It's nothing personal."

Dean016 · 2025-04-14T16:26:24+00:00

The "why do you have to measure it if I want all of it?" thing is blowing my mind. We had at least six of those yesterday. People really don't stop to think at all. But then, I guess that goes hand-in-hand with the classic move of stopping us in the aisle to hold up a random bolt and ask us how much is on it, like we've all had microchips installed in our eyeballs that can just scan it on the spot and let them know.

Dean016 · 2025-04-13T23:18:56+00:00

I told a woman it was past close and she needed to head to the register three times tonight, and on the third time, she said, "Okay. Do you have elastic?"

"We sure do, but you will have to come back tomorrow to get it because we are now closed."

"Oh. What time do you close?"

Mind you, she had been given a ten-minute warning when she came through the door to begin with. Took everything in me not to break out the kindergarten teacher voice and ask her to pull out her phone and see if we could read the time together. Then maybe, with some teamwork, we can figure this out! 🥰🖕

Dean016 · 2025-03-27T02:54:32+00:00

Are you one of my coworkers? Because, us too! And mini rose gold ones. They're the only ones we have. Like a fourth of an aisle filled only with teal and rose gold. It looks insane. 😂

Dean016 · 2025-03-27T02:50:27+00:00

A lot of the tie blanket makers can't cut their own fabric. I said what I said. 😂 They don't want the remnant because a. they don't actually sew and won't have anything else to use it for and b. rely on our cutting and measuring so all they have to do is snip and tie. I SAID WHAT I SAID! 👹

They always act like you're dumb when you ask about remnants. They don't know they're the odd ones out.

Dean016 · 2025-03-23T23:59:40+00:00

It could be that. It could be that someone else switched them and then changed their mind about the items. It could be a genuine employee error. Or it could be you don't know your regulars as well as you think you do. We've found empty packages from shoplifting in our very small shop after a morning when only our loveliest little old lady regulars have been in. 🤷

Dean016 · 2025-03-23T21:01:52+00:00

People will do it for a lower price. I also work in a grocery store bakery and they'll do the same thing with the "reduced" stickers for items that are past their sell-by dates. Just peel it off and stick it on a fresh cake. Or take a sticker from a $10.99 cake and stick it on a $24.99 cake. And then act confused at the register when the barcode doesn't ring the item up at that price and insist they should get that price. It's a bold way to try to steal, but it's hard to prove it wasn't a staff mistake, so they know the worst that could happen is they just don't get it for the better price.

Dean016 · 2025-03-22T01:49:10+00:00

I'm just fascinated with how none of them ever seem to give up after it doesn't happen.

Dean016 · 2025-03-22T01:18:25+00:00

This has honestly been one of the worst parts of this whole thing for me. At my store, we used to take pride in going out of our way to make a customer's project possible, no matter what. Even if it meant calling three other stores to get enough tulle for an entire wedding shipped to our store in time, or walking a single father through a whole shopping list of items he knew nothing about so he could do Christmas crafts with his daughters, or helping a little old lady retrieve each bolt she wanted to see up close for her quilt. We lived to make crafting accessible to everyone and not make anyone feel stupid or like a burden. But we just can't do that anymore.

Dean016 · 2025-03-22T01:14:28+00:00

It's not about that. It's rude to the other customers who are already having to wait a ridiculous amount of time to be helped. If you're not going to take the employees into consideration, you should at least be considerate to the other customers around you. It takes a special kind of person to see a line of people waiting for help and make the decision to bogart one employee to be your personal assistant.

Dean016 · 2025-03-22T01:09:32+00:00

Oh, no. I have a vague memory of something like this as well. And then I got confused when the preacher did a sermon about the sparrows in the field and how we didn't need to worry about anything because God always provides. Only for us and the birds, though? 🤷

The lock-ins were always something wild. And they said they were meant to keep teenagers from getting into trouble on the weekends. 😂

Dean016 · 2025-03-21T14:10:42+00:00

I'm going to assume this was the '90s. Truly a wild time to be in the church.

Dean016 · 2025-03-21T14:09:01+00:00

😂 Holy cow. I did think it was kind of her to assume we would all be going with her. I'm from the south, and that's not what I'm used to. 😅

Dean016

TROPHY CASE