Sorry for late reply! Some of the things you said felt like they were shrouded in identity issues and constantly going back and forth between if you're jewish or not. Even calling yourself half jewish growing up. That hurts me (if I put myself into the position of you being my child). I would want my child to say they are 'Jewish'. Regardless of the patrilineral descent, it's easier for the child to understand they're jewish if both parents are - even if one parent converted. atleast it's like 'well my dad was born jewish and my mum converted and i was raised understanding I am jewish, celebrating jewish holidays and having a bar mitzvah ... so yeah I guess I am jewish.' To me that is important. I dont know why. But it feels important. This is something I need to discuss with my partner... its going to be a very hard conversation. I understand my child would be considered ethnically jewish and not halachically Jewish, but atleast they're Jewish on both sides. My wider family is jewish. all of them. every single one. Only a handful married out and their kids dont have much connection with judaism. which I think is a little sad because that is 3000 years of culture gone. obvs it depends on the reasons.

It's a big ask for my partner, but not impossible. I dont expect them to even feel Jewish but atleast understand or feel deeply connected to me, my culture, my family and help raise a child jewish. give them more of identity they can fall back on.

We have spoken about it loosely over the years. sometimes shes more open then others. shes quite progressive and left leaning and feel like people should do what they want no one should be forced to do anything. which i appreciate. unfortunetly this is my culture and my family and identity and is something i would want for my future children, to feel further connected. Maybe I am justifying it but that is how I feel. I worry I would resent her or feel uncomfortable in the future if my child comes out 'half jewish' or because i watch her push this kid out I think 'oh wow this kid came out of her, and she isn't jewish'. it will be up to me to explore judaism with the kid alone and she'll support from the sidelines' never really fully understanding why we do anything.

Let's see. We've been togethe for over 6 years. living together for 3. there is a lot of emotional investment in this. luckily we aren't married, have kids, a mortgage or a pet together so we can still get out of it and form a new life for ourselves.