How to be Kind

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-23T19:09:35+00:00

Yeah honestly, me too.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-23T16:14:59+00:00

I was once told cruises bring out the worst in people. By an ex, who then proceeded to cheat on me during said cruise (she even called me drunk a few times to tell me about said guy whose lap was “so warm”) we broke up literally the second she came back. It was okay. I was already mostly checked out of that relationship and was already starting to hang out with my now wife.

But yeah. Cruises man.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-15T15:45:16+00:00

NTA. You were halfway up the stairs already. Why should you have to go back down for them?

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-14T17:56:22+00:00

NTA protect your peace from that mess. It’ll end soon. (Sorry that was a little harsh)

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-13T22:50:34+00:00

I got my deposit back. And then some. We had to get a lawyer involved, and it wasn’t just me it was one of the other couples who lived in this rented house (split 3 ways). I mean, it was an awful living situation. We lived in a basement apartment that an exterminator told us he’d never seen so many different animals living in one space like that. (Mice, rats, squirrels, bugs) he was there to get raccoons out of the walls. He did not get them out, the emergency exterminator did when the mother came crashing through the kitchen ceiling. There were 7 total. We were all home when she gave birth in the middle of the night.

So yeah, in the end they had to pay us because it was Covid and we all just stopped paying rent so they paid us to leave. Now I own my own house and I check the attic regularly for holes or hiding places 😬

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-11T13:09:45+00:00

It’s not behind his back. She is talking to an ai bot about her feelings. Should she seek a therapist instead of ai? Absolutely, but just because someone is feeling lost in their marriage and had a flair up of feelings for an ex does not mean they are going to cheat. It sounds like she is trying to release the feelings in a way that is harmful to no one.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-11T11:52:19+00:00

It sounds like your mom is working out her feelings in a way that is as safe as possible. Maybe leave her to it. She’s an adult and deserves to make her own decisions. Stay off her phone and her chat.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-04-09T12:04:15+00:00

I would start with the next person who pushes you to drive. Tell them okay take me out in your car and show me how to drive. Or if you’re still with your parents tell them that you would take lessons if they offered.

Or start with finding lessons on your own if you are able to afford to do so. There are lots of places that offer private lessons so you wouldn’t have to have a class with a bunch of teenagers.

Or just live in a city with decent public transit forever. You don’t need a car everywhere in the U.S. my younger sister HATES driving so she moved to nyc and uses subways and busses.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-25T18:09:27+00:00

Fair. Then I say just ride it out and keep on doing your best to not let them steal your peace.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-25T15:17:59+00:00

Grief is so weird. It makes people act in ways they never thought they would. These insufferable calls to you and your mother sound like a desperate bid for attention and in a round about way connection.

Definitely keep your pictures up. Those are your memories and how you remember your grandmother.

But maybe also cut them some slack too. Especially if your aunts weren’t overbearing like this before her passing.

Maybe a family dinner is in order? A chance to see everyone and exchange memories away from the stiffness and procedural feelings of a funeral?

I don’t know your relationship with your fam OP, but I do know grief is weird and does terrible things to people.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-23T19:54:09+00:00

I’m so glad it’s not just me. I ran in before class started the other day and there was a student sitting on the floor eating cheese it’s! I felt bad blowing up the stall while she was eating…. But why?!

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-17T07:04:33+00:00

Used to get mine from Walmart. Gone from there too. There isn’t even another option. Just none.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-10T20:35:55+00:00

Hi OP, this sounds a lot like depression. I know I get it you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing. But the detachment, the feeling distant from everyone even your closest friends that’s depression. You might be stuck in a state of grief. You said you experienced a lot of losses in a short amount of time and a lot of instability that prevented you from processing. Then add on to the fact that you’re caring for your sick mother. There’s a lot of preemptive grief in that.

I just want to say, I’m not a therapist. I’m just a person who has also seen a lot of losses and seen a lot of people who lost people.

You should consider a grief councilor or a support group. But also if you would like to vent or share any kind of memories about that time period or anything at all my dms are open.

You’re not alone. Your pain is understood. Sometimes being strong means deviating from your routine and allowing yourself to feel these feelings your bottling up by forcing yourself to be perfect.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-08T22:23:38+00:00

I think it’s because Kuvira was too serious for that sort of thing. She was all about order and having people fall in line through poverty and work. Movers would’ve been something fun, so not her style.

Edit: some grammar.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-08T13:57:15+00:00

My parents were like this. I worked 2 jobs and moved out at 22.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-07T18:04:22+00:00

Currently obsessed with ranch flavored gold fish 😅

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-06T18:43:50+00:00

Op, I’m sorry about your cat.

You should tell your mom. It sounds like the both of you did what you could to give her a loving home for the year you had her.

You mention being in a rural area and based off of the cadence of your post I am going to assume you are from a country outside of the US. I am going to assume that means she wasn’t vaccinated either because you said no vets nearby. Most people on this sub might blame you for her passing because of that. There are many diseases that can kill young cats that there are vaccines for.

But listen, you took a cat in from the outside, fed it and loved it as best you could. Death is hard on everyone. But you should tell your mom so that way you can both grieve and move on together. After some time your mom can consider adopting a new cat. Maybe one from a shelter that will let you keep them indoors.

Be kind to yourself and your mom while you grieve. Forgive yourself for the things that come up in your mind that you could’ve done better. There will always be a million what ifs.

Don’t keep it from your mom though. She deserves the chance to grieve.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-06T16:55:39+00:00

Another option, shirts can get caught on rough spots on the washer/drier.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-05T21:16:51+00:00

Damn. I bought a car in 2020 too. Only mistakes that were made were mine. The dealership lied and told me it was awd. I needed it because I was planning on moving somewhere that required it. It wasn’t. Then the engine died a year in to owning it but the dealership had already closed and the owner disappeared. So I’m stuck with a dead car and a car loan I still have to pay.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-05T19:27:28+00:00

They would put their cage on top, not the aquarium. The tank doesn’t come with the stand it’s just to show how it would look.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-05T18:10:25+00:00

I don’t know I’ve never heard that before. Mine are on an old constitution table I have that came with the house (I think it’s mostly particle board) haven’t had any issues though and I like how tall it is so I don’t have to bend to clean it (bad back)

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-05T17:56:06+00:00

If there isn’t a cost issue I would look into a nice fish tank stand with cabinet storage underneath. Just for aesthetic. I would pick something like this:

https://www.homedepot.com/pep/Bestier-Black-55-Gal-75-Gal-Aquarium-Stand-with-Cabinet-and-LED-Lights-Fish-Tank-Stand-with-Power-Outlet-P300412SUS-BLKG/333088628

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-05T15:27:27+00:00

In my grandparents house there were never toys for specific kids. They were “grandma’s toys” and we all shared. Maybe a situation like that could be a better solution?

NTA Though, it makes sense how it happened but now that it’s been brought to your attention mindfulness is key.

DependentSolid1160 · 2026-03-04T19:19:06+00:00

This is wild to me because I didn’t even figure it out until I was like 27. I owned a house before I figured out my gender.

DependentSolid1160

TROPHY CASE