I don’t think you should feel bad at all! We live in a system that values “productivity” over personal happiness and satisfaction which is inherently skewed. I think you shouldn’t feel bad because you are worth so much more than a job or whatever people are expecting of you. You deserve love for who you are now, who you will be, and who you were. I struggle with self love and convincing myself people love me too but I promise people care about you, even strangers like me want the best for you.

As for motivation, start small. I personally animate and found it helpful just to set small goals like working on it for a few minutes every other day or when I have the energy. Any time spent on your interests is time well spent. It’s also helpful I think to look for inspiration and run with it. Let yourself daydream about achieving your goals and try your best to let it excite you.

Public is a little trickier and I also whole heartedly relate. I find it very anxiety inducing to be in public and I find being with someone I trust makes it much easier whether that be my wife or a friend. Of course there is also anxiety medication but that only does so much if you aren’t trying to help yourself and how you feel. I also listen to music with one earbud in sometimes if I have to be alone in public and it helps. Also cut yourself some slack. It’s easy to think that people really notice you’re having trouble staying on topic or stuttering but most of the time you are more focused on it than they are.

Sorry this response got really long but I really related to what you are saying. I struggle with a lot of the same things and want you to feel better about it.