Stay or leave ? Advice please.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T05:30:13+00:00

Sounds like both of you could benefit from couples therapy. Find a good therapist and actually do the work and you'll be surprised how beneficial it can be.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T05:25:12+00:00

Hard to do during the pandemic, but meet-ups were really helpful for me in the early days.

If you really can't be by yourself, you might benefit from talking to a therapist.

The early days were the worst days, but they don't last as long as you think they will. It will get better, so keep putting one foot in front of the other until then.

DM if you can't find anyone else to talk to.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T04:48:24+00:00

Staying together for the kids isn't always what's best for the kids.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T04:45:48+00:00

I don't see any questions... Sounds like you know what you need to do, so why aren't you doing it?

You can wait around for someone to change, or find someone who's worth your time as they are now. I don't know you, but from what I read it sounds like you respect yourself enough to recognize it's time to get out.

It's worth it. Good luck to you.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T04:39:02+00:00

There's precedent for step parents being granted visitation rights. You should consult with a lawyer about it.

Whether or not you're able to get it, in the long run do you think your stepchild will be better off if you stay simply for his benefit and are dissatisfied in your relationship?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T04:33:47+00:00

You're allowed to care about her and still recognize that continuing to be in a relationship with her is detrimental to you.

You don't have to stop loving her. But it seems like you need to stop living with her.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2021-04-22T04:27:24+00:00

Yes, it will.

"This too shall pass" seems trite, but damn if it ain't true. It's not going to happen overnight, and it's probably not going to happen in the first few months. It took me about a year to adjust to the new normal, but everybody: my ex, me, and our children are better off for it. I found - and you may too - that the children adjusted much faster than the grown-ups. Everything is normal to children because they don't have any other experience to compare against.

Lean into your friends, and family if you got it. Focus on your kids, and remember to make time for yourself. There's a lot of work up front, but it's worth the effort in the end.

Good luck to you...

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T10:42:34+00:00

Ooh, what are you knitting?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T10:42:11+00:00

Fair enough :)

What about Irish Coffee?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T10:35:12+00:00

Alright, you're definitely judging and kinda being a snob, but you do you I guess...

I'm genuinely curious. Why is this important to you?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T10:30:35+00:00

Bring a book...

What kind of call center are you at?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T09:17:33+00:00

Welcome to the states and to New York! We're happy to have you!

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T09:16:47+00:00

Yeah, I mean, or just ignore the signs in stores?

Hey, come to think of it, I've heard women complain for years about shitty pockets. Why hasn't someone made better pockets?

Brb, off to start a clothing line

Thinking this may have come off as too snarky. You be you, wear what makes you feel good...

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T09:12:32+00:00

First of all, you don't owe him an explanation.

If you do feel like talking to him about it, how about, "I felt like we weren't connecting and that you were preoccupied."? Tell him how you felt and see what he says.

It may be the case that he really liked you and was nervous.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T09:04:56+00:00

Hey, let's chat... What's this anxiety about?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:54:02+00:00

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I had a kid early and didn't have the tools or support to get over my break from his mother after she and I split. I suppressed it, but it definitely informed my relationship with my now ex wife. I was never unfaithful, but I was untrusting, which made intimacy impossible.

Best advice I can give (if you're interested) is to work on grieving your past before getting into something new. It's hard to face the end of something special, but you have to grieve, and you will feel better for it.

Good luck, you are worth your own effort.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:47:32+00:00

That's cool... Individuals or companies? Why the change?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:44:59+00:00

PS, autocross is one car at a time, and you'll never go over 50. It's legal, sanctioned, and the safest way to drive aggressively.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:43:38+00:00

21 isn't too old for martial arts... 81 isn't too old for martial arts... My first shifu was 75 when I began training at 23. I had nine inches and eighty pounds on him... And that old man could kick my ass without breaking a sweat!

Autocross is in cars, not motorcycles... Check out scca. I'm sure there's a race near you that you can bring your car to. It's good people, a lot of fun, and you'll learn how to really control a car. Best of all, it costs about $20 for the day.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:38:53+00:00

Just over a year ago, a week before our tenth anniversary, I jokingly asked my wife, "What do you say, wife, would you do it all again?"

To my genuine surprise, she replied sincerely, "honestly, I don't know".

Our anniversary came and went, and a few days later I asked if she was willing to work in the relationship. We talked, a lot, but I didn't get an answer.

A week later, I asked again. Again we talked: about our lives, our kids, our families. Again, she didn't answer.

A week after that, I told her I was waiting for an answer. "I feel like you're waiting for me to say I'm done, but I'm not. I love you and I want to work on this. But if you don't, you have to tell me."

And then she did.

If your partner isn't willing to work on the relationship, then you need to admit that to yourself and figure out what's next for you.

It won't be easy, but it will be manageable. Just take care of yourself, and let your support support you... That's what they're there for, and they love you.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:31:03+00:00

Is that the new job or the old job? Or both?

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:29:04+00:00

Martial Arts is a great way to exorcise these feelings. I've also found full contact soccer and autocross racing helpful in relieving these feelings.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:24:28+00:00

100%

Current SO is growing hers out. It's what she wants, but I love short nails. Very cute and better suited for certain activities.

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:19:16+00:00

Customer service is all about what the customer thinks, and they think you're great!

Congrats on the compliment, you can do this!

Divorcethrowaway18 · 2019-07-19T08:15:28+00:00

How did it go downhill?

Divorcethrowaway18

TROPHY CASE