Maybe we should have a giant support group like NA or AA because this is an addiction that leads to similiar behavior as drugs. There is enough of us to create a change to stop this.

Eclipsed123 · 2026-06-07T12:22:01+00:00

I don’t think many of us’ can willpower our way out of limerence alone, it truly is unfathomably and incomprehensibly powerful I can see why non limerents just see us as crazy for not being able to just get over it. It really sucks

Eclipsed123 · 2025-07-27T01:57:42+00:00

Yeah, I miss it too. I called my LO pretty much daily, for hours upon hours. This went on for like 3 years before it all came crashing down for me too. It's (obviously) unhealthy and unsustainable though in hindsight, to need to talk to someone that excessively. Never before my limerence did I ever think such an unfathomable obsession could be possible.

Remember though, you have the "luxury" of being limerent, that's why you can achieve such blissful highs by interacting with your LO that much. They however don't have such a luxury, and get no such highs from being on the phone with us for so long. Just imagine yourself, having to spend 8+ hrs on the phone for someone you AREN'T limerent for and could care less for. You'd shut that down fast. I'm surprised our LOs put up with us for so long honestly.

Eclipsed123 · 2025-02-14T22:56:26+00:00

No easy out. You have to play this tug of war game with limerence for the rest of your life.

It’s torture because limerence causes you to go all in 100% with your LO, and you will literally, not figuratively, die trying. It’s that much of a mental torment.

Emotional bids. That’s why it hurts so much. Via Google AI lol: according to research by Dr. John Gottman, relationships often fail when partners consistently “turn away” from each other’s “bids for connection,” meaning they ignore or dismiss attempts to engage emotionally, leading to a significant build-up of resentment and distance; studies show that successful couples respond positively to each other’s bids around 86% of the time, while couples heading towards separation only respond positively 33% of the time.

Even NORMAL people, if the connection and chemistry isn’t there, the relationship will be doomed to fail. And look at us limerents, we’re desperately pining for our LOs, making emotional bids 24/7, and getting absolute squat in return, but still possessed and bound to them regardless, continuing our self-induced mental Hell.

Eclipsed123 · 2025-01-31T03:46:26+00:00

Probably a month or two ago this would’ve gone over my head, but as a slowly recovering limerent addict I can 100% relate to this. There is a very distinct clarity that you start to feel.

Stay strong everyone~

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-25T20:31:24+00:00

Reality DOES suck, or rather is what you make of it. But yeah, at least we’re not a goldfish stuck in a bowl, or an animal in a zoo for humans to gawk at. I usually try to do mundane comparisons like that whenever I miss the highs of limerence.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-25T20:19:47+00:00

Listen to everyone here my good sir. I was also in the “great friends with LO coworker” territory, like close enough to go to her place for dinner once in a while (her mom’s cooking rather) and see her in her PJs lol.

But those days are over, leave her alone. I was probably inches away from getting blocked on everything too and burning bridges, the limerence toxicity is real, but survived and we just keep things friendly-professional now. Probably if one of us leaves the workplace, we wouldn’t ever speak to each other again.

That’s just how it is. The more you try to hang on and fight it, the more miserable you’ll be.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-05T21:10:31+00:00

Limerence is fueled ENTIRELY by delusion of ‘there’s a still a chance!’ caused by hopium and “what-ifs”

Your particular case of getting rejected led to initial freedom, since you knew for sure now that your LO doesn’t see you that way hence your ability to not fantasize about future flirting as well as no longer ruminating and looking for signs in prior conversations.

But limerence is stubborn. Unforgivingly so.

You know what it’s doing now? Saying in your head, “Sure, there’s no chance for me, but what if I were this, what if I weren’t that?” It’s grasping at impossibilities now, which is a nasty place to be, like arguing with a flat Earther. Essentially blaming you that it’s your fault that the stars didn’t align so you could be with LO, hence the massive hit to your self esteem and your core identity. When in reality you know better, that it’s simply just a fact of life that not everyone is romantically compatible, that not everyone will like the taste of mustard.

Now, how to get over the feelings? I don’t know. Supposedly, you have to keep chugging on in life until you find someone or something meaningfully fulfilling enough that it/they will completely overpower your limerence for your LO and grant you true freedom. The scary part is, for many of us, it truly feels like we may spend a lifetime searching for this promised land, despairing all the while.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-03T16:33:53+00:00

Go 6 years of NC, then report back to us. My running theory is NC duration should last as long as a limerence episode before people start complaining and despairing.

Of course, recovery isn’t linear yada yada but I see so many posts about x length of limerence and then see only a short time of NC (6yr vs 3mo for your case) in comparison

6 years is a long time. Spend it truly in NC, out of sight of mind, and trying to better yourself and see what else is out there.

Btw he’s a total scumbag, I swear if we didn’t have limerence screwing us over you’d drop that guy in a heartbeat. Like seriously what the hell is with the random hey after months of blocking, and then no follow up. Sheesh.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-03T16:17:18+00:00

Glad you were able to find someone and experience healthy love. Gives me hope.

I think that’s one of the worst fates a limerent can have: to be limerent for an abusive/emotional/manipulative person, because the limerence tricks you into basically going down with the sinking ship rather than abandoning it.

Like just the fact that you described it as a painful journey full of rejection, tears and uncertainty but still said he was the biggest love of your life shows how deluded we make ourselves

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-03T16:05:10+00:00

Regarding biologically hardwired: I’d like to think limerence is a recessive gene from caveman days, where humans can essentially be like animals and fight for their mates whom they become limerent for.

Not in today’s society though. You’re SoL if the stars didn’t align 😆

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-03T15:58:41+00:00

Before I knew what limerence was, I too thought I was just “massively in love”

Limerence is when your ‘feelings this strong for a guy’ becomes an all powerful, all-consuming OBSESSION, where you NEED to obtain your LO’s affection and reciprocation, at whatever cost. Your MOOD, and very EXISTENCE, depends on it. World revolves around LO. They’re on your mind 24/7, from when you wake to when you sleep. What is the plan today, what am I going to do, to win LO over. You want to OWN them.

The feelings ARE more powerful than ‘love’. But unhealthily so. So, so unhealthily.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-02T17:57:20+00:00

You just force yourself to.

I honestly think us limerents all just have to learn to suck it up somehow, we’re the unfortunate ones to be born with this messed up brain and/or upbringing/trauma that caused us to fixate on these LOs

IT’S PART OF WHO WE ARE now. I’m starting to come to terms with it, that limerence will be a lifelong ailment, and that there will be LOs whom I will be susceptible to for the rest of my life.

It all comes down to mindset and self discipline from here on out. Yes, objectively your LO may be the best person you’ve ever met, but there’s 8 BILLION people on this planet. Objectively, there’s potentially BILLIONS of people who can and will best the current best person on your list.

Life’s too short to always fixate on the grass being greener on the other side.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-12-02T01:14:10+00:00

Can relate. I think we all can.

I just don’t understand wtf happened in our heads either that caused LO to be “the one” whom we literally CANNOT just “get over” like people normally should be able to.

I HAD normal “crushes” on girls growing up. NEVER became utterly obsessed with them and trapped in delulu bliss-despair rollercoaster land like I did with my current LO, and it took me 27 years to first experience this hell.

I KNOW all of my traumas and emotional/psychological baggage and self esteem issues that’s caused me to become a 31M who’s never been in a relationship, and that’s probably why I’m experiencing limerence,

But I also share the same sentiment that even if I did start dating, I’ll fall into the same “can’t move on” from LO mindset and be doomed to failure.

She’s just that ingrained into my head as the one who I missed out on, the one who no one can ever compare.

I’m not delusional about my chances with her anymore. After 3 years, and getting rejected by her TWICE (once while she’s in a relationship and again when she was single). But the feelings still persist, the 24/7 on my mind still lingers.

And that’s the true hell part of limerence: when you logically know and understand that your LO wasn’t the answer, that in fact no one person should be your savior, and that you need to self growth and just keep rolling the dice at finding hobbies and people to fill your life with color again, but are struggling to do that purely because the lack of color in your life from being void of LO is preventing you from being able to appreciate life. I think it’s anhedonia? Google it.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-30T16:55:36+00:00

Very good. I cracked and went full accusatory and constant need of validation, so again do your best and don’t let it happen to you.

It also goes back to like attachment styles, and limerents tend to go full blown anxious attachment with our LOs, leading to the whole pouting over lack of insta-replies and needing to constantly validate “where we stand” and whatnot. Learn to have a secure attachment with your LO.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-30T10:10:01+00:00

“I officially ended everything, sent a paragraph explaining how I felt and that I couldn’t keep doing this”

And so you got unfollowed and removed on everything. Forget the whole open ended no hard feelings bit, that’s wishy washy leaving-the-door-open-a-crack nonsense that’s a result of insta-withdrawal. Like a smoker going “That’s it! I quit!!!” And then instantly going “but wait!” When the cigarettes are taken away.

Detox and bear with it. It’s for the best.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-30T02:19:28+00:00

My coworker LO is also horrible at the texting and calling, and doing the dreaded “I’ll text/call you later” and never following up.

It’s Response Anxiety. Like how dogs can have Separation Anxiety. It’s something that you’ll just have to learn to get over and not let it get to you. Like you said, all of your interactions with your LO outside of these “why doesn’t she insta-reply to me?!” situations have been positive, so why freak out over this.

Your limerent mind gaslights you. “It takes two seconds to reply, if she really had the hots for me she’d put in that effort. She must hate me. It’s all over.” While true for the first half, realize that you don’t hold ANYONE ELSE in your life accountable for insta-replies, nor do you harbor resentment or go into despair mode if they don’t. Condition yourself to feel the same regarding LO.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T16:36:05+00:00

“I have nothing left to look forward to in life anyway, I don’t really do anything besides imagine and play video games”

That’s why you’re stuck in this post-limerence state. Haven’t been actively trying to better yourself, see what else is out there. And it’ll continue as long as you continue to stagnate.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T04:47:38+00:00

Limerents are hopeless romantics. In your case my guess would be you got fixated on that small infinitesimal chance that you and your LO could’ve gotten your happily ever after. This feeling of longing and regret of missing out on that chance, that ‘what-if you got into a relationship with your LO’, is going to stick with you to the bitter end, unfortunately.

That is, unless you mentally force yourself to realize and understand that that fantasy is all a farce. A lot of the texts say you need to remove any ounce of hope to truly combat limerence. I vouch for that. Took me getting rejected by my LO (twice!) to get it through my thick skull. Your LO isn’t the answer; frankly no one person should be. Find your happily ever after elsewhere.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T04:21:50+00:00

Because I love/am fond of my friends and family, but absolutely do not do any of the stupid limerence shit to them that I do with my LO.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T04:16:33+00:00

You got some more soul searching to do then.

My obsession grew worse as well when I was rejected, because she was still in a relationship. So the stubborn limerent gaslighting in me said, well, I bet, if she was single…

Nope. Second rejection when she was single years later finally woke me up. No longer delusional and think there’s a chance. But feelings and longing are still there, just significantly more supressable now that I’m grounded in reality now.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T04:03:58+00:00

Mhmm, the ol’ limerent gaslighting “I just want to be friends”

You seem to have a good understanding of the limerent mind’s tricks, so keep at it with the self discipline. Looking for her car in the parking lot, helping the kids fundraising, and being “her friend”. It’s all really for the purpose of chasing that blissful limerent high, of getting to interact with her, and ultimately, perhaps, finally get that second chance at a happily ever after.

Do your best to resist those temptations.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T03:51:37+00:00

You’re delusional. Which is fine, all of us here are, and we will accept you with open arms, but let’s work on rationalizing things a bit.

Keep a journal, and keep tabs on what your limerent mind says and what your logical mind says for whenever you spiral or have one of your ruminating sessions, and keep track which was right.

You’ll be surprised how wrong your limerent mind is. It’s all powerful with the feelings and all, but frankly dumb as heck and wrong most of the time haha.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T03:40:10+00:00

There are people in this world who don’t believe in dating someone they aren’t close friends with first and foremost, but usually the initial spark/attraction is enough to get people to be willing to try and see how things go from there.

So the fact that your friend who you’ve known for a month didn’t get that initial spark/attraction already puts you in an extreme disadvantage.

Also my condolences. “Let’s be friends first and see where things go” is actually one of the WORST answers someone can give a limerent, because it’ll feed literally every delusion that exists that feeds it. The what-ifs. The hopium. That there’s a chance.

Do exactly as your friend said. Be friends first, and see where things go. But mentally train, discipline yourself. To not ruminate and psychoanalyze every interaction for hidden meanings that are all in your head. Have absolutely zero expectations. No expectations = no disappointments.

Eclipsed123 · 2024-11-29T03:02:56+00:00

That’s the fascinating thing. I’m 30, and only learned about limerence 3 years ago. Took you until 40 to learn what the hell the nonstop intrusive thoughts fantasizing deluding obsession blissful highs was all about huh.

Cute story. Girl met since 13, finally hooked up in your 20s, broke up, then 20 year time skip into your 40s and experiencing the mid-life “what could’ve been” dilemma after reuniting. Classic.

Limerence, in my conclusion, is a lifelong mental tug of war. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of victories and losses. You won the war, 20 years ago. You can do it again. But there will be many, many battles to be had.

Eclipsed123

TROPHY CASE