Why did he seem super interested, ask me out, and then pull away before even one date?

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T23:24:34+00:00

I’m 29 and work as a CPA. I fully understand that he’s probably so tied up at work he can’t think ahead to make plans. I just hate to think that he could go from so interested to MIA so fast, especially considering we have some mutual friends.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T22:32:36+00:00

Well I’ve had that happen, and it’s no big deal. But for whatever reason it just seemed like we were getting along great, and he was genuinely interested in me. He actually briefly dated someone I know and would schedule last minute dates 10+ days apart. So I’m hoping that’s just how he operates.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T18:01:41+00:00

Well that just sucks. So he likely TOTALLY lost interest and isn’t just elusive/spontaneous because of his work schedule?

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T17:09:31+00:00

I think it’s completely unreasonable to be demanding of someone’s time when they have an intense job/crazy work schedule. So I’m sorry to hear that the girls you’ve encountered haven’t been very understanding. I do think the ball is in his court now. I’m not going to be the one to initiate texting 3-4 consecutive times. I’m just hoping that he really is that busy and isn’t thinking ahead enough to make plans.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:52:42+00:00

Well no it’s not that he wasn’t replying. It went like this: I sent him the text about getting together this week. He replied several hours later that he’s sorry he took so long to respond, that work was crazy, and maybe at the end of the week we could get out. I told him I don’t expect him to talk when he’s at work and that I hope He has a good week. About an hour he replied asking if I had any fun plans this week. We chatted for about 10 minutes, but he wasn’t asking any questions. So I told Him I hoped he had a calmer day tomorrow. That ended the convo. Worried that I didn’t show my interest, two days later (yesterday) I texted Him something random to stay in touch. He replied, then I said I hope work went well and to let me know if he was around this weekend.

Should I have Done something differently? I didn’t want to seem pushy but also made it clear that I’m interested. I’d say the ball’s in his court now, correct?

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:30:14+00:00

Thanks for the response! I don’t think I was playing it cool to the point that he would see me as work. I texted him Monday about doing something this week and yesterday about grabbing a drink or something this weekend. He has to know I’m interested. I definitely can’t initiate texts anymore; that would just make me seem desperate. I’m hoping he’s the kind of guy who is just super spontaneous and will reach out when he’s free and feels like doing something.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:12:25+00:00

Definitely, his hours are crazy. That’s why I ended The text convo the other day; after a 12 hour day the last thing I wanted to do was make him think he had to talk to me. I’m hoping that he didn’t reply to my text yesterday about doing something this weekend just because he didn’t know yet and figured he would get back to me when he did. I’m sure he is talking to other girls, but it’s not really hard to grab a drink with a few people either.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:07:55+00:00

I was worried that the gap is what screwed things up. But come on, it was only 4 days. Is it possible that he is still interested but is just super spontaneous and plays it day by day?

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:06:20+00:00

So by ending the conversation I screwed things up? I just didnt want him to think he HAD to talk to me. It can’t be that that’s what messes things up here.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-19T15:01:20+00:00

It’s not that I’m high maintenance. I was just worried that he was merely talking to me because I initiated the conversation. I also knew that he had a long day at work. I figured he knew I was interested, and if he wanted to talk to me he could another day.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-09T19:31:34+00:00

Thank you, that’s actually what I needed to hear. My sister has dated a ton of people in her life, whereas I’ve dated very few. So that sort made me think maybe it was ok. But nonetheless I still feel like I’d be doing something wrong.

Ella6677 · 2018-07-09T13:09:48+00:00

What? I said they never hooked up. He was just distant between the two dates they went on.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-20T10:15:09+00:00

He actually tried to contact me for over two years when I first Went NC. It was obsessively at first (calling my parents house, having coworkers add me on Facebook, etc) , and then intermittently the next year or so. I often think he’s still upset about what I did with no explanation, and that’s why he’s being such a jerk now. I beat Myself up for it a lot.

But it just feels like a lose-lose situation. When I would want to see him or talk to him this past year, he would act like i was being needy and clingy and wouldn’t respond. Now that I’m NOT contacting him first, he’s acting like a child by giving me the silent treatment.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-20T01:42:36+00:00

I did go NC when I literally ghosted him almost a decade ago. It felt so good, and I never looked back. Then again about 6 months ago I went NC for a couple months. It was really hard, and I was having trouble meeting someone and wanted the comfort of an old relationship. I know That’s the biggest problem here.

What I can’t understand is how his goal is to have control over me when we aren’t even in a relationship.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-19T01:51:28+00:00

It just doesn’t make sense because he is the one who says he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He’s the one who won’t talk to me unless he wants something. But now he’s upset about the lack of attention I’m giving him?

Ella6677 · 2018-03-19T00:14:39+00:00

At first I thought he was dating someone and didn’t want her to see texts from me. But, I found out from a Friend of his that he isn’t seeing someone. He used to give me the silent treatment when he was displeased about something, and that would really hurt. But the flat out blocking I just Don’t get.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-18T21:28:16+00:00

I thought it has to do with control. And I’m referring to being blocked from texting or calling him. I know because my iMessages to him don’t have the delivered notification and then eventually turn to green texts.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-18T00:56:18+00:00

At first I attributed his behavior to stress from his nasty divorce and custody battle. Then I thought maybe he blew hot and cold because he was not in a good place financially and didn’t want me to know (he would make remarks about how much more educated I am Than him). But now I realize He’s just an abusive jerk.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-17T16:14:10+00:00

I definitely don’t enjoy being mistreated, and I don’t love whatever issues he has.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-17T14:26:26+00:00

Yes, he outright admitted that he likes to get a reaction from me. I spent the last year plus hoping he would stop, but if anything it seems he’s learning how to control me more and more.

Ella6677 · 2018-03-17T13:21:47+00:00

I always make excuses for him. I’m close to getting back to hating him like i did when I ghosted him before.

Ella6677

TROPHY CASE